My kid is just the WORST.

As I sat in my living room this morning, a familiar sound rang throughout the house. It’s a sound that all Moms or anyone who has ever raised a female through the puberty years recognize instantly: the dreaded, moody, hormonal teenage girl “uuggggghhhhhhhh!”poutonly… I don’t have any daughters. I’m the only human female in this house. What I have is a 4 year old boy, and if you ask me, those are pretty much the same damn thing as hormonal females.

Every morning, I am verbally berated by an angry demonspawn who has either woken before the crack of dawn and is unhappy about it, yet refuses to try to go back to sleep, or who does not want to wake up and in retaliation, throws a pillow angrily down the stairs before an all-out battle has begun over oatmeal, or cereal, or a single waffle, because while WE may think it is the most important meal of the day, apparently breakfast is the devil.

“Uggggggghhhh, how much MORE?” he moans as he DOESN’T eat his food, “I want to be DOOONNNEEE!”
Every time, I get extremely tempted to ask him when he grew a vagina, but then I’d have to explain what a vagina IS, and that’s just too much work.

That ‘tude doesn’t quit after breakfast, though. Rinse and repeat for lunch, dinner, snack time, food in between snack time that he snatches from the pantry, the juice he insists on having, the chocolate milk I go out of my way to make for him after many “Please! I promise I’ll drink it all!”s

“UGGGGGHHHH I don’t WANT to!” I hear after asking him to pick up the toy he just flung across the room for no reason, “Whyyyyyy-eeeeee?”

It’s all very familiar, as if I’ve heard it all before. The kid has an older brother, but no… that’s not it. Oh. Right. I hear me. Bitchy 14 year old me. But with a far more adorable voice.

Parker is by far my most difficult child. I know that I only have one other to compare him to, but damn. I’ve left him at the kitchen table because of his table behavior more times than I can count. YOU’RE NOT GETTING UP UNTIL YOU’RE DONE SO YOU MIGHT AS WELL EAT!!!! doesn’t seem to have an effect on him.

He’s so damn stubborn and frustrating that sometimes I just stand in the middle of the room ready to pull out with no words coming from my mouth because I’m at a loss of what to say. Four year olds do not know what is best for them, but Parker sure thinks he does. He stands up for himself, not usually at the right times but he does. He knows exactly what he doesn’t want to do and doesn’t do it, and usually when I am the one who wants him to do it. His brother? Oh holy shit, I know that siblings fight, but that is ALL he does with his brother. He doesn’t like Holden hovering, or telling him how to do anything, or not letting him do what he wants even if it inconveniences Holden. Even if it’s unfair. The kid is trying to be the king of the universe, and at times I find myself more frustrated than any other evilmoment in my life.

Is he a monster? Have I done something wrong to create the WORST KID EVER?

They aren’t called the “holy fuck fours” for nothing!

To those without kids, or to the “perfect” parents of the world, this whole blog might just sound like a “bad” kid with a crappy mom, but to those of us who have battled through the terrible-everythings and still have one foot firmly planted in reality- we know that this kind of behavior is normal. It SUCKS ASS, but it’s normal. And when he doesn’t spend the whole day raging, I think a little bit of defiance is a good thing. Don’t worry, I’m not smoking anything that would impair my judgement over here; I’m being serious!

All of the sass and attitude and butting of heads and stubbornness and defiance means that our kids are going to grow up to be be strong-willed, assertive, and easily able to stand up for themselves, which is awesome! I mean it! I think it’s great! I just wish Parker wouldn’t do that shit while I’m raising him!

Posted on April 21, 2014 by Holdin' Holden 5 Comments
Holdin' Holden

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  • I totally understand this! My 5 year old son is the same way! Especially at the dinner table. Hell, I have an 8 year old daughter that even pulls that dinner table shit. I’m in awe, because I have a 13 year old daughter with ‘tude who eats EVERYTHING in sight, but the littles would rather sit and stare at their food. ???? Kids stealing food from the pantry between meals? I know this sounds totally dumb, but I wondered if my kids were the only ones who did that! I’m not alone! Let’s hope Faceturd lets me post this!

  • He may be strong willed but he will thank you later in life.

  • My Emry is 7… but when he was 4… they were the HFF’s all the way.. and the “SHIT THIS CAN’T BE 5” and the “WHEN THE HECK IS HE GROWING OUT OF THIS 6″….

    But, every year, the Independence, Stubborness, Know it all, Defiance… Well, it gets easier to handle and he becomes more.. amicable.

    I hold strong to what is the rules and even though it’s a fight… You just keep doing it….

    Stay strong Mama! I know you will…

    (And for those who read this as a post about a “bad” kid and a “crappy” mom… they obviously have SHEEP children who are brainwashed by technology… just saying.)

  • My mom always said ” just when you think a phase is over, they go into another and they just get worse ). Sorry ladies, she was right! The good news is you get a reprieve every now and again!

  • Omg I thought I was going insane! I thought my damn 4 year old lost her damn mind! Its a constant struggle with her! She also ‘beats to the tune of her own drum’ as my dad would say. Fucking stubborn as hell! And I have to pause just for a moment, smack myself in the forehead and groan. She.. is me.. because I used to act like that at her age.. and it got worse when i grew up! Omggggggggg noooooooooooo this means I will have a bitchy ‘i know it all’ 14 year old on my hands when she gets older Ughhhhhhhh I’m going to create a book.. lol its going to say ‘i’m 14 now.. and i know everrrrrrything!” LOL Love your blogs hun