As I sat in my living room this morning, a familiar sound rang throughout the house. It’s a sound that all Moms or anyone who has ever raised a female through the puberty years recognize instantly: the dreaded, moody, hormonal teenage girl “uuggggghhhhhhhh!”… only… I don’t have any daughters. I’m the only human female in this house. What I have is a 4 year old boy, and if you ask me, those are pretty much the same damn thing as hormonal females.
Every morning, I am verbally berated by an angry demonspawn who has either woken before the crack of dawn and is unhappy about it, yet refuses to try to go back to sleep, or who does not want to wake up and in retaliation, throws a pillow angrily down the stairs before an all-out battle has begun over oatmeal, or cereal, or a single waffle, because while WE may think it is the most important meal of the day, apparently breakfast is the devil.
“Uggggggghhhh, how much MORE?” he moans as he DOESN’T eat his food, “I want to be DOOONNNEEE!”
Every time, I get extremely tempted to ask him when he grew a vagina, but then I’d have to explain what a vagina IS, and that’s just too much work.
That ‘tude doesn’t quit after breakfast, though. Rinse and repeat for lunch, dinner, snack time, food in between snack time that he snatches from the pantry, the juice he insists on having, the chocolate milk I go out of my way to make for him after many “Please! I promise I’ll drink it all!”s
“UGGGGGHHHH I don’t WANT to!” I hear after asking him to pick up the toy he just flung across the room for no reason, “Whyyyyyy-eeeeee?”
It’s all very familiar, as if I’ve heard it all before. The kid has an older brother, but no… that’s not it. Oh. Right. I hear me. Bitchy 14 year old me. But with a far more adorable voice.
Parker is by far my most difficult child. I know that I only have one other to compare him to, but damn. I’ve left him at the kitchen table because of his table behavior more times than I can count. YOU’RE NOT GETTING UP UNTIL YOU’RE DONE SO YOU MIGHT AS WELL EAT!!!! doesn’t seem to have an effect on him.
He’s so damn stubborn and frustrating that sometimes I just stand in the middle of the room ready to pull out with no words coming from my mouth because I’m at a loss of what to say. Four year olds do not know what is best for them, but Parker sure thinks he does. He stands up for himself, not usually at the right times but he does. He knows exactly what he doesn’t want to do and doesn’t do it, and usually when I am the one who wants him to do it. His brother? Oh holy shit, I know that siblings fight, but that is ALL he does with his brother. He doesn’t like Holden hovering, or telling him how to do anything, or not letting him do what he wants even if it inconveniences Holden. Even if it’s unfair. The kid is trying to be the king of the universe, and at times I find myself more frustrated than any other moment in my life.
Is he a monster? Have I done something wrong to create the WORST KID EVER?
They aren’t called the “holy fuck fours” for nothing!
To those without kids, or to the “perfect” parents of the world, this whole blog might just sound like a “bad” kid with a crappy mom, but to those of us who have battled through the terrible-everythings and still have one foot firmly planted in reality- we know that this kind of behavior is normal. It SUCKS ASS, but it’s normal. And when he doesn’t spend the whole day raging, I think a little bit of defiance is a good thing. Don’t worry, I’m not smoking anything that would impair my judgement over here; I’m being serious!
All of the sass and attitude and butting of heads and stubbornness and defiance means that our kids are going to grow up to be be strong-willed, assertive, and easily able to stand up for themselves, which is awesome! I mean it! I think it’s great! I just wish Parker wouldn’t do that shit while I’m raising him!
@Julieannefiu I still sing WRAPPED UP LIKE A DOUCHE. I think they're lying about the "real" lyrics
I sang SO many embarrassingly wrong song lyrics with such confidence. pic.twitter.com/Ww5TaAxY3r
@AndreaPerez0217 Not that I'm biased, but I highly recommend ;) Hope you enjoy!
Parenthood: you think it's gonna be all hugs & booboo kisses, but it's really cooking food everyone hates & scraping boogers off of walls.
School system: Here! Have a half day on Friday the 13th! Me: pic.twitter.com/Dy18C8R3dD
Spooking the Kids Without Scarring them for LIFE With Netflix! (and a giveaway!) goo.gl/fb/tkeWgB