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Are YOU a Mombie? Take this quiz to find out!

mombie2

As I awoke this morning in a foggy haze, I realized that I have awoken every morning in a foggy haze since incubating my very first crotchfruit, and not just the mornings after a night of “YAY the kids are FINALLY frickin’ asleep, let’s have a drink!” nights. I have been running on fumes for years, and some days, even the strongest pot of coffee doesn’t do much to help.

The shuffling along, slumped tired shoulders, the dark circles under the eyes, the groaning and moaning and generally bad temper… WHAT HAS BECOME OF ME? There is really only one answer: I have become a MOMBIE.  Don’t worry, I don’t have a hankering for brains. All I REALLY want is a GIANT steaming mug of coffee that magically refills itself once I’ve gulped my way to the bottom. You don’t have to be concerned about being bitten, because that is not how the Mombie Apocalypse that is upon us (and has been for quite some time) is spread.

Finding out if you have been infected is really quite simple. Just answer a few simple questions:

Do your fantasies consist of 8 consecutive hours of sleep and watching your favorite tv show without hearing “MOOMMYYYYYY! I DON’T WANNA WATCH THIS! THIS IS BOOO-RIINNNGGG!” ?

Do you not quite feel human until you have had a cup of coffee? Or ten?

Do you count the minutes until bed time?

Do you have a deep-seated hatred of certain children’s cartoon characters and find yourself cursing at them when they are on as though they can actually hear you?

Does “because I said so!” sound like a reason so rock solid that it could stand up in court?

Have you ever been so exhausted by grocery shopping with your spawn, that when you got home you ordered a pizza?

Are you angered by the fact that no one ever actually tells you how to get to Sesame Street?

Do you know all the words to every kid show theme song, but can’t remember why you walked in to the living room?

 

If you answered yes to 2 of these, I’m sorry to say, you’re a full-blooded Mombie. Unfortunately, there is no cure, but there IS lots of booze, and that’s basically the same thing.

Posted on April 23, 2014 by Holdin' Holden 5 Comments
Holdin' Holden

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5 Comments

  • What if you can answer YES to them ALL!!! Lol 🙂

  • I’m a step-mombie, and 4 days a week I sound just like you, I get 3 days off to recuperate, then start again. God I both love and hate those two days, two Glorius days of no whining, complaining or “but I don’t want too” but also three days of no cuddles, sticky kisses, soft I love you’s . It’s a love hate relationship those three days, and I miss him everytime. I am already starting to dread the fights when he’s bigger, the I don’t have to do what you tell me cause your not my real mummy, which is something he doesn’t understand yet as I’ve been in his life for 2 out of his 4 years. I didn’t get a real chance to become used to the fact that when I moved in with
    My partner that’d I’d become an instant “mummy”, not instant but a lot faster than 9 months of incubating then raising, he was already mostly potty trained when I moved in. But it does let me know what to expect when we try for more kids, everyone talks about the babies and the cuteness, but no body really mentions the running around in the morning getting ready for day care, running out of work to pick him up from day care when he’s sick. I may only be a step-mombie, and some parents may look down on that, as I “don’t know” the struggle of incubating and birth and the realization that you created this amazing little creature and your never going to sleep right again, but I do know that I love him with all my heart, and I can’t wait until he has more little brothers and sisters that look like him. (He’s a carbon copy of his dad)

    I love reading your blog, because you remind me that even full time mums can’t do it all, so I don’t need to stress that I’m not doing a good enough job, cause there is a pressure, that i have to do better because I’m not his birth mum. I love your blog, makes me relax and stress less when I don’t take him in to day care so I can play with him all day, instead of cleaning the house or studying on my days off.

    So thanks again for reminding me that it’s ok for me to be a mombie, and knowing their are others out there just like me, even when I am his step mum 🙂

  • I just love you’re blogs and your posts!!! But this takes the cake!!! You tell it how it really is and that’s awesome! Cause us parents know that parenthood isn’t all sunshine and rainbows!!! Thank you for being so honest!!! I look forward to reading many more of your works!!! 🙂

  • Back in 2012.. I did a really funny and similar post to this.

    Mothers and Zombies are interchangeable words!!!!!!!

    http://katerivonstealsnewlife.blogspot.com/2012/06/monologues-of-dating-divorcee-working_15.html

  • Loving this blog, as this is my life except I don’t drink coffee.