Have you ever thought about something so much that your brain thought you right out of doing it? Psyched yourself out? Let your brain guilt you out of getting something you want with all of its stupid logic and reason and other things that have no place in many life situations? Man oh man, I have!
I’m not 21 anymore; I should have my shit together! I should be confident and know what I’m doing at all times. I should know where I’m going, and have attainable career and life goals. Hell, I should have MET those goals already! When I was little and I saw people in their thirties (or even mid to late twenties, because that was old as balls to me back then), they always seemed so… adult. I didn’t think adults questioned their choices, or worried about silly things. Man, was I wrong or what?
The decision I made to eat an extra piece of pizza last night? Or the cinna-stick after? I am DEFINITELY questioning that decision.
Every now and then, I mysteriously put on weight. I say mysteriously because I don’t want to blame my beloved season of “pumpkin all the things!” It’s like Tom Hanks; It can do no wrong. Honestly, the problem isn’t pumpkin. The problem is my lack of willpower against it.
A lot of people think that I’m just some skinny chick who can eat whatever I want and not gain weight- but sadly, that’s not the case. I wish! I have to work hard. REALLY HARD. Even still, the pumpkin weight hasn’t wanted to come off. It loves me, too!
Seriously, though, I harbor a lot of guilt when I eat anything deemed “unhealthy”. Food guilt is a bitch, and it’s something SO many people experience.
This is definitely not something I thought adulthood would be like!
Sometimes when I’m unsure of things in life, I turn to my 4 year old. His brain has yet to be corrupted by worry, over-analyzing, stress, or guilt. Basically- little kids see shit clearly. We do not. 4 year olds are more of what I thought an adult was than adults are.
Earlier today, Parker grabbed a banana from the kitchen and asked if he could have it. WELL DUH! Bananas are healthy, you go for it little dude! He scarfed the entire thing… and then proceeded to cram the fucking peel down the bathroom sink, but that’s not the point. The point is that for a 4 year old, an entire banana should be pretty filling. Not even 10 minutes later, he announces “I’m gonna go get a snack!” and walks to the pantry. Wha? “But you just had a banana!” “A banana is not a snack! A banana is something healthy!”
If you’ve ever felt guilty for eating a cookie for a snack instead of a piece of fruit- fear not! According to Parker, healthy things do not qualify as snacks, and we all know 4 year olds are never wrong. Maybe this knowledge won’t alleviate all the food guilt, but it certainly made me feel just the tiniest bit better.
Everything in moderation, including moderation.
If you want the cookie, eat the cookie! Just don’t eat 10 of the cookies. Or a cookie the size of 10 cookies. Or a cookie every 5 minutes for 10 hours.
I think the moral of this story is that if you eat a banana, it means you can have a cookie, too- because bananas aren’t snacks. Or… maybe… it’s not to give yourself so much shit for eating the cookie instead of a banana. You can’t spend your entire life eating food that makes you sad. Or guilting yourself for eating one thing that makes you happy. Unless that thing is a human. Don’t eat those.
LOOK! Just be happy, and don’t beat yourself up so much, damnit! Our young but wise children sure don’t!
The “Are You Ready to Have Kids?” Checklist of Doom goo.gl/fb/DTPJ1A
If anyone asks how I died, you can just go ahead and tell them "she was lured in by free pie in exchange for listening to 2nd graders screech Thanksgiving songs for 30 minutes"
Half-Assed Jingler Syndrome goo.gl/fb/McWfBy
@ItsEvieClaire Booze and tears
I'm not saying this is the perfect #Christmas gift for all the parents in your life, but.... okay, yeah I am. That's exactly what I'm saying. Truths from the bowels of parenthood! amazon.com/Kids-Are-Turds…
@Gofashiondeals All of that and more. Good times. Gooooood times