It was 7th grade… or maybe 8th… Honestly, does it matter? It was the beginning of the teen years and we all thought we were some hot ass shit. Awww yeah, only a few more years and then I’m LEGAL and no one can tell me when to go to bed! We spent weekends trolling the mall with our friends. We asked our parents for money because we didn’t have a job. We complained about Algebra like it was the hardest thing we would ever have to face in our entire lives. We wanted to be a hell of a lot older than we were because we were tired of being treated like children, and we HATED being called cute.
CUTE IS FOR PUPPIES AND BABIES AND I AM NEITHER OF THOSE THINGS! GAH! HOW OFFENSIVE!
Holy shit on a stick, how I miss those days.
Today, if someone told me I looked cute, what with my lack of sleep for the past 6+ years, dealing with screeching uterus weasels day in and day out, no time to brush my hair or make sure my eyeliner is perfect or check out my ass in the mirror to make sure my pants look decent- I would be elated. Overjoyed! Oh, thank you so much! How kind of you to say! That was so fucking nice I could kiss you!
I would love to get ANY of the compliments I hated growing up- and I don’t think that’s just because my age now begins with a 3 and I feel like my youth is behind me, so any youthful comment directed at me is a nice pat on the bruised wrinkly ego- nope. It’s more of a combination of getting older and missing how easy my youth was, and parenthood.
Parenthood does weird things to a person’s brain. WEIRD THINGS.
The other day, as I was giving Parker a kiss goodnight, instead of his usual “love you, Mommy!” he said “Mommy, you have a small butt!” I was taken aback. Shocked! Wha? Where did that come from??
THAT WAS THE SWEETEST THING YOU’VE EVER SAID TO ME! YOU SWEET SWEET LITTLE CHILD!
Yes. All over being told my ass was small. This is because the children usually spend their free time discussing how LARGE my posterior is. A big ol’ Mom Butt. But that night? It was small. I HAVE A SMALL NON-MOM BUTT AGAIN! YAY!!
This got me thinking (dangerous, I know)- what IS a compliment to a parent? It’s obviously vastly different than how I felt pre-children. What kind of strange shit that might offend us as kids is seen as something sweetly positive to us now? Some days, I’m so tired and beat down (or feel that way) that I would literally take any non-asshole comment coming my way as a compliment.
“Mommy, you look like a princess!” Something I hear ANY time I wear a skirt or dress- which makes me feel young and beautiful. I can just hear my 13 year old self yelling I AM NOT A PRINCESS! UGH! and then slamming my bedroom door.
“This dinner tastes good this time! Last time it tasted like vomit!”– It did not! You take that back! Wait.. you said tonight it’s good? Oh… thank you! I worked hard on it!
“You’re my favorite Mommy today!”– um… I’m your only Mommy. Not just today, but every day. But.. thanks. That’s so sweet!
“I like cuddling with you because your tummy is squishy like a pillow!” – Well, that’s not very … but… I…
“Mommy, thank you for teaching me to count. Listen to me count the wrinkles on your forehead!” – hrrrggghhhhhh!
It’s a wonder we don’t bust a capillary listening to the… sweet… things our spawn have to say. Yes, I sure do miss the days of being called cute, and I realize just how silly it was to get so worked up over it. I’d take cute over pillow tummies and vomit dinners any day!
Children are the masters of the backhanded compliment- and we parents are the giant suckers that eat it all up. I’m not sure if I’d go back to screeching at people any time they called me cute- but my wrinkles don’t need to be counted. Named after those turds, sure- but counted? No. No thanks.
Just remember: calories don't count today. But just in case... wear stretchy pants. pic.twitter.com/vOCiF0YpEG
Being a parent makes you thankful for some weird shit holdinholden.com/2013/11/what…
My favorite part of Thanksgiving is the part where my kids whine about being hungry all day and then only eat mashed potatoes.
What you REALLY need to make Holiday (or ANY) Travel Bearable goo.gl/fb/1BdFtj
Other moms: I finished Christmas shopping for my kids in June! Me: pic.twitter.com/FT3tlWGWd2
@CJPendragon learn something new every day!
@WeberWriting Absolutely. It takes a bit of time and juggling but it is 100% doable. Just have to ignore the sanctimommies of the world
Don't feel bad for tossing frozen chicken strips in the oven and calling it dinner. Don't even feel bad if you don't turn them over. holdinholden.com/2016/05/shit…
To the piece of crap who broke into my car over the weekend- You think you found nothing of value to steal, but you actually took with you the nasty head cold my family has been passing around in that very vehicle for the past week. Enjoy, scumbag! xoxo, Germ Infested SUV