What’s that? Is that…. yes, yes it is. It’s sadness. I actually felt sadness the day that Holden went to drop a deuce and said he didn’t need me to wipe his butt anymore. I’d been waiting for that day for YEARS, because wiping someone else’s poop off of their ass is not at all enjoyable, and here it was, and I was… SAD?! Are you KIDDING me? The relief I felt when I realized that I hadn’t lost my damn mind and was just feeling sadness over my baby growing up and losing one more thing that he’d always needed my help with was enormous.
THANK YOU, SWEET BABY JESUS!! I’m not gonna have to go on “My Strange Addiction” as a weirdo who can’t stop wiping poo!
Poop is great and all, it can really turn around a crappy day (I can’t help it!) but it’s not really my thing. I don’t even have a thing- but let’s get back to the point. I think one of the worst parts about parenthood has to be watching your children grow up, even though you love watching them grow up, you hate it. It sucks. It sounds insane, but that’s basically what parenthood is- a constant state of total delusion and insanity.
NO! My baby CAN’T be growing up! It’s happening too fast!
Everybody warned you that would happen, but you didn’t listen, now did you?
The end of Mommy butt wiping days for Holden has long since passed, and so have many others. He doesn’t need me to rock him to sleep, or help brush his teeth anymore (though I still do sometimes. No cavities, damnit!) He doesn’t need me to read to him, but he still humors me. He doesn’t need me to hold his hand while crossing a street, but much to his chagrin, I still insist. He doesn’t need me to help him get dressed, or tie his shoes, or button his jacket.
He DOESN’T NEED ME. Those words are like a kick to the gut. Even though we all KNEW the day would come where they grew up, Mommy became Mom, and their world stopped revolving around us- we never wanted to accept it as a reality.
I know that I have a long way to go, but it’s hard not to think about when they grow so damn fast. Haven’t we all thought- what the hell am I going to do the day my kids don’t need me at ALL anymore?
You wiped their butts, their tears, tended to their wounds. You sang them to sleep, gave them tough love, and stayed strong through their sicknesses and tantrums (most of the time, anyway). What do we do when all of that is gone? When they don’t need their Mommy anymore?
Without a shadow of a doubt- I can tell you that day will never come. It will never happen! They will ALWAYS need you- hopefully not to wipe their butts (though I’m sure you’d oblige if they really needed you to).
How does someone with a 6 and 4 year old know this? As someone who lost their mother as a teen, I can tell you that no matter how old I get, there are things that no one else in my life can do except my mom. Advice that no one else but her can give, words that no one else can say, questions that only she can answer. She left a spot that can NEVER be filled, no matter how long she’s been gone- because as many times as I yelled at her that she just didn’t understand me- she knew me better than anyone else.
As our children (gulp) grow up, the need for us doesn’t go away- it changes.
Mommy never becomes obsolete.