I’m sorry, I can’t mom today

That’s it. I tried my best, but I really did- but I can’t do it. I can’t mom today. I’m calling in sick!

I may never know what part of the cosmos I pissed off, but I woke up this morning and my back was jacked. Yes, I suffer from chronic pain, so my back is ALWAYS jacked- but this was super jacked. It’s the pinching stabbing OMFGDIE feeling I get right before the whole thing tweaks and I am immobile for days at a time. It’s bad. Very very bad.

What I need to do is sit completely still on the couch, with either ice or heat on my back sorry(maybe both) and not move for the entirety of the day. NO MOVING. Sorry, kids. I’m not mom today. Consider me a part of the couch that you are NOT ALLOWED TO SIT ON. Seriously. Go the hell away and take care of yourselves. No, I CAN’T play “Sorry” with you, and I’m not even sorry.
It’s a day where instead of feeding my young, I should beckon them with a loaf of bread and feed them like I would duck at the parks by tossing little pieces onto the floor. Or maybe I’ll just let them have whatever the hell they can reach. Even if all there is within their grasp is chocolate, it doesn’t even matter, Besides, chocolate comes from the cocoa plant so technically it’s a vegetable.
Dinner? Didn’t I just throw bread on the floor for them? No one REALLY needs three meals a day!

Hopefully, you don’t suffer from any kind of chronic anything- but even if you don’t- you’ve had a day just like mine. A day where you are nasty sick and even lifting your head feels like you’re taking a jackhammer to it. A day where you seriously can’t stop hacking up snot and your throat is so raw you’re considering just drinking honey instead of adding it to tea. A day where your headache is so intense and so sensitive to light that you crawl into the bathroom and hide in a dark corner.

These are the times that we absolutely should and DESERVE to wave the white flag and lay down. No responsibility, no whining kids or hungry bellies or housework or anything else that requires getting out of bed or moving off of the couch. We deserve a sick day- a REAL sick day- but do we ever take one? Nope.

Unless we somehow manage to get ourselves hospitalized (yay, meals we didn’t have to cook ourselves!)- we’re punching that parent time card and getting our asses to work.

feverBoogers flowing, heads pounding, throats scratching, hobbling around with a funky looking sock filled with hot rice on your back like me- it doesn’t matter. We get it done because it needs to be done and we’re the only ones who are gonna do it. And because we don’t let illness or pain hold us back. We are some bad-ass bitches! And people say that women are the weaker sex. Pssshhhhh!

I truly feel that we should get some kind of award for surviving days like these, and since there’s not even someone to cover us so that we can take a day off, there’s no one to give us a much deserved reward- so like we do for everyone else- we have to do it ourselves. Get your favorite chocolate, cheesecake, brownies, candy, anything ridiculously decadent and sinful- and put it away. Every time you can’t mom and you mom that shit out anyway, you get some.
Now, I realize that stowing these yummy things away is probably a bad idea, because stowing away is not the same as HIDING it from yourself so you don’t get tempted, and they might not last until our next can’t be sick sick-day, but that’s okay. We deserve the treats whenever the hell we want them! Our thighs and asses might not be happy about it, but you can’t please everybody!

Posted on January 21, 2014 by Holdin' Holden 3 Comments
Holdin' Holden

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  • Thank you!! I’ve been dealing with mysteriouis pain for months now, and too many days, I just can’t be a mom. But i have no choice. I feel like a terrible mom when i just wanna stay in bed and cry. good to know im not the only one

  • This was me last week. I woke up with a mysterious pain in my shoulder and neck and couldn’t even get out of bed. I had to pee so bad and I moved and screamed. My oldest ran to get my massager and held that on my shoulder know for 30 mins while I kegeled like crazy. Thank you for yet another awesome blog that puts into print what bad ass Moms we are. Mothering, grocery shopping, housekeeping, and playing through the pain.

  • I suffer from a chronic kidney disease that started in ’96 when my 2 daughters were small. The first year was terrible until I finally got a diagnosis. Working and raising 2 girls was nearly impossible. The one thing that irritates the hell out of me (even if you don’t have a chronic illness and are just sick) is when the doctor says “go home and get plenty of rest”. Yeah sure, no problem, I’ll just tie up the kids and leave enough food on the floor to last until their father gets home. Every mother can relate to that unless you’re rich enough to afford a housekeeper or nanny or God forbid both. Feel better Jenny.