After calling his name at least half a dozen times, Parker finally joined me upstairs this morning to get dressed. I’m not sure why he fights me so hard on it; I mean, I get that wearing pants sucks, but it’s COLD, and we do this EVERY morning. Shouldn’t he have realized by now that just doing what I say would make his life a hell of a lot easier?
Once he finally decided to remove his pajamas, he decided to make a giant production out of it to delay the inevitable. Get shirt stuck on head- tadaa! Watch me throw my shirt onto the bed, wooooo I made it! I can take my pants off one leg at a time, go me! By the time his pants were finally ACTUALLY removed, I was sitting down. It took that long. Instead of actually putting on the clothes I’d laid out for him, though, he started passing his pajama pants under his legs from one hand to another- like a basketball player would, only without dribbling… or a ball… or coordination. Apparently this was a BIG DEAL because through my nagging, he continued to do it and every time asked me to watch him.
I don’t believe in giving every child an award no matter who wins because OH NOES, THE PAIN OF LOSING IS JUST UNBEARABLE TO THEM! I sure as HELL don’t let my kids win at board games because I think that learning how to lose gracefully is something that is a LONG process and should be started early, but am I really going to watch my little nugget pass his pants under his legs like he’s performing a David Blaine-level magic trick and say “That is literally the dumbest thing I have ever seen”? No. No I am not. I am going to act shocked like it’s the most amazing thing I have ever seen.
Putting together 2 pieces of a puzzle, completing a 15 numbered dot-to-dot, putting on his own shoes (which have no laces), or pants, or shirts, or socks, brushing his own teeth, wiping his own ass, standing on one foot, opening a door? They all get standing ovations from me. MOST AMAZING THING, EVER! YOU GO, PARKER!
WHY? Well, because I’m honest (usually), but not evil, and also because it encourages him to KEEP trying to do new things, no matter how dumb they are.
I’m a liar. If I were Pinocchio, I’d be clothes-lining people a mile away with my giant nose. I lie out of my lying liar hole, and have no plans of changing!
@DrDHMenke 5th time was a charm!
@shaggy757 Shaggy! Local author here- would LOVE to send you a copy of my book- KIDS ARE TURDS! Have a signing this weekend in NN!
My dog's snoring sounds like Forrest Gump imitating his mama and it makes me highly uncomfortable.
I correct autocorrect more than autocorrect corrects me correctly.
@Trish_Tosch Thank you! Both my agent and editor don't have kids and they liked it enough to sign it, so I think it's good for everyone! :)
@gloriauthor I'd probably still forget a step!
I swear, if I have to go back to the trashcan to check the directions on how to make dinner 1 more time, I'm gonna punch myself in the face.