This time of year, there are wonderful traditions, poems, sayings, and songs, but most of them are dedicated to Christmas Eve. It’s not that I don’t understand what all the hubbub is about- I get it. It’s one sleep away from presents. One sleep away from family, smiles, laughter, parades, and gorging ourselves on foods because on that one special day, calories don’t count; at least, that’s what we tell ourselves as we cram the 3rd slice of pie down our throats. It’s excitement and anticipation and a HUGE build up to one 24 hour period, and then there is relaxation and a weight lifted off of every parent and host’s shoulders until New Years Eve. Even I, chronic bah-humbugger, can’t help but to get excited about Christmas Eve. I have the kids to thank for that.
At the same time, I wanna know why everyone only talks about the night before, and not about the night BEFORE the night before! Christmas Eve Eve- aka- THE MOST STRESSFUL DAY OF THE YEAR!
The night before the night before Christmas is the day that suddenly you remember everything you’ve forgotten to do. Gifts you didn’t wrap; gifts you didn’t even GET. All the shit you have to bake or cook or fry or stir or simmer. The night you realize that you really should have thought about all of the things you needed to do BEFORE this night so that you could adequately map out your time. The night before the night before Christmas is the night where you would THINK the kids would be on their very best behavior because there are only a few hours left to secure their placement on the Nice list, but instead, they’re all total assholes, just pushing the limits of this whole Santa thing. It’s the day and night you spend freaking out trying to get EVERYTHING done so that on the real Christmas Eve, you can spend relaxing. Sort of. Christmas eve eve is the eve that we spend wanting to kick our own asses for putting everything off until then. That night we toss and turn more than Christmas Eve because we’re so worried we’re going to forget something- because damnit, we always do. Santa’s not the only one who makes a list and checks it twice! I don’t know how the man manages to never forget a single present. The man should mass market whatever the hell he’s on to get his work done, and then maybe he could pay those elves of his in something other than candy.
It’s Christmas Eve eve, and EVERYTHING is stirring so loudly that the mouse is squeaking at us to shut the hell up because SOME people are trying to sleep before the big night.
Someone should write a poem about that shit. I would, but I have too many things to do!
When the Get-Along Shirt Doesn’t Work goo.gl/fb/5f4aDV
Whenever your kids make you feel stupid, just remember that you had to teach them how to wipe their ass.
Every. Single. Time. pic.twitter.com/aAAWWjdrN3
I'm either "I HAVE 3 FRIES LEFT DON'T TOUCH MY PLATE!" or "Please take this so I can't eat any more of it!" There is no in-between.
Dear people writing articles on ways to get siblings to get along, I'll save you the time. The answer is "Don't let them play together"
Please stop Complimenting my kids’ “Good” Behavior goo.gl/fb/rwfojS
Hard pass from me pic.twitter.com/VayvW1eopK