A big not-so jolly collection of BAD Santa photos!

What is it that children find so great, yet so terrifying about Santa? Is it the fact that he holds their Christmas fate in his hands, but good behavior comes with the reward of presents? Is it the facial hair? Some babies are terrified of facial hair! Could it be a severe case of Stranger-Danger? I don’t know WHAT it is (one mall Santa once told me that he thought it was the white gloves… riiiiight) but every year, I swear I see more bad Santa photos than good ones, and every year, I laugh at them. A lot. And I feel no shame about it!

The first time we took Holden, he was a squishy little baby, about 3 months old. He didn’t care who held him. I never thought I’d be the “let’s go get a picture every year with Santa type!” because I didn’t care all that much, but when Parker was born, I wanted a squishy Santa picture of him, too! Over that missed year, I guess, Holden became terrified of Mr. Claus (who we referred to that year as SATAN CLAWS!)- and it was mortifying, but the picture was downright hysterical. The next year was Parker’s turn.

They both love Santa now, but those pictures are always SO hysterical to look back at, and so this year, I wanted to dedicate my blog to these wonderful horrible photos with Santa. Not just mine, but many others, too! There are all kinds of Santa reactions. There’s anger, confusion, fear, fight or flight, poor Saint Nick has seen it all! It is truly a wonder that the man hasn’t quit.

Put aside the “awww, poor thing!”s and have a giggle at a child’s expense with me, guilt free! These kids got presents, don’t forget that!

Well, I guess I have to say that sometimes I don’t blame the kids- Santa is downright FRIGHTENING:

Shari M.’s children know that well! I think Santa got peed on one too many times that day


Lacey C.’s little dude could definitely sense evil. That “beard” scares ME!


Snorted out loud at Sam B.’s little one. SHOCKED!! If Santa isn’t jolly, are they supposed to be??


Meghan F.’s little one has the right idea. Is that even a beard?!


Or with Lindsay B.’s youngest. There could be FANGS behind that fake ass beard for all he knows!


Some kids just aren’t having any of Santa’s shit at ALL

Like Karri W.’s little girl. She is onto this whole “Santa” nonsense:


Felicia T.’s middle child ain’t havin’ it either. Stupid Santa and his stupid lap!


Kim D.’s son is just DONE with holiday cheer. I guess he forgot that “you better not pout!”


It’s not only the kids who are done with this holly jolly horse shit- sometimes Santa is less than pleased to be… well…. Santa. Bah humbug!

Like with Audrey J’s son, who had just told Santa he wanted a girlfriend to kiss as this picture was being taken


…and when Melissa A.’s kids went to see Mr. Kringle, he couldn’t even be bothered to offer up his lap


You never know what to expect when siblings/more than one child is involved. Often, Santa gets to deal with one shrieking kid, and one smiling one- and none of us know if the one that is smiling is smiling because they are on the bringer of presents’ lap, or because they find the fear of the other one amusing. I’m leaning toward the latter. What? Kids are evil!

You tell me if Mandi T.’s older children don’t look pleased as punch that their sister is losing her shit!


Laura S.’s older girl looks THRILLED that her baby sister is being held captive by Satan Santa Claus


Tumblr Blogger Megan, aka Greetings from the Hotel Bassemonte knows it all too well. Even with hair being pulled and a scream that likely only matches a frickin’ banshee , her older two are as happy as can be. Santa, however…


Nichole A.’s son looks THRILLED that his brothers are horrified to be in Santa’s lap, does he not? Look at that devious grin!


Of course, there is the classic “Bad Santa” photo. Red face, mouth open, and you don’t need to hear it to know exactly what the sound is (once they break the silence barrier, that is). It stays with you!

Trust me when I say it, I KNOW. Parker taught me the meaning of hilariously bad Santa photos:


Brittany M. is also very familiar with the hypersonic Santa reaction thanks to her nephew


And Rachel S., whose son seems to have thought he would have to share his Goldfish crackers (or cheetos?) with the big man.
You don’t ask for Goldfish from a baby, damnit!
Go eat some candy, Santa! A-hole.


Danielle B.’s youngest made the mistake of looking back. You never look back! It’s like getting a shot. LOOK AWAY! LOOK AWAY AND POWER THROUGH!


Lexi D.’s little lady can definitely relate. Oh dear!


Carly B. had it happen two years in a row. With both kids!
Let us all have a moment of silence for Carly B.’s sanity.


Some kids may sit in shock, some may scream, but some have the immediate impulse to run. RUUUUUUN!

I know this reaction well, as it used to be Holden’s!


He’s not alone, though! Dominique M.’s daughter was so terrified of Santa, that she had to get in the picture too. Doesn’t look like it helped very much!


Jessica D. had 3 out of 4 kids attempting to flee the scene.


Kristen B.’s son couldn’t get away fast enough


Adrienne S.’s daughter might have a future as a quarterback with the way she is shoving her sister into the hands of Satan Santa just to get away!


Oh, Amy Z. Your wee one made me laugh so hard. A for effort at escaping the Claws!


Amanda P.’s little one tried to slip out underneath the grasp of the great and powerful Santa and run for the f’ing hills!


Sarah W.’s little lady probably nearly gave Old Saint Nick a damn heart attack.


Not even being in the picture herself could stop Karan K.’s daughter from trying to get the hell away


Don’t you love how it all becomes our fault?

Amber, aka Mommy Needs Wine not Whine
Got the pointy finger of blame.


Now, some might be curious as to why we would do this to our sweet, innocent little children, and the answer is simple:
Because we can, and it’s fucking FUNNY!

Merry Christmas! Happy holidays!
I hope you get frames under your tree to put these gems on your wall for all to see!

*thank you to all who submitted your photos. I got SO many that I couldn’t possibly use them all unless I wanted to be putting this thing together for a week! Ain’t nobody got time for that! I did enjoy each and every one!

Posted on December 13, 2013 by Holdin' Holden 1 Comment
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