As a writer, I have to have a pretty decent grasp of English. This includes but is not limited to capitalization, spelling, and the difference between their, they’re, and there. I’m not PERFECT at it, though. No matter how much reading I do, I still do not at all understand when or where to use a semi-colon, and I am terrible when it comes to having a plethora of run-on sentences in anything that I write.
Mistakes are easily made, I understand that- but every morning as I pop on the computer and get online, I am very quickly greeted by a cringe-worthy mutilation of the English Language. Poor English Language, what’d it ever do you?? Please stop using the word SWAG. Do not abbreviate words that do not need to be abbreviated! It’s TOTES not cool! Just stop! For the love of God, stop!
It pains me, deep down in my soul. I want to yell. I want to smack my forehead repeatedly. I occasionally get the urge to throw my computer, but mostly… I want to correct them. English isn’t that hard, people! It’s not that difficult to spell! That squiggly red line under that last bit of nonsense you typed? That means it’s WRONG. Didn’t all those years in school teach you ANYTHING? YOU ARE A GROWN PERSON, YOU SHOULD KNOW THIS!!!
I want to, but I don’t.
Correcting someone’s grammar and/or spelling, if you’re not their teacher, is typically frowned upon. The truth of it is that it makes you look like a serious a-hole to pick apart someone’s statement due to errors… and it’s likely not going to help, anyway. If it’s an adult, they likely don’t care to learn the right or wrong way to write at this point and you’re just going to make them hate you for being a pompous picky dickhole. You don’t want to be a pompous picky dickhole, do you? It doesn’t sound very pleasant.
“WHY DOES MY SPELLING MATTER? WHY ARE YOU SO MEAN?! I DON’T CARE ABOUT SPELLING! CAN’T YOU JUST LET IT GO???”
It’s hard, my friends. Even if you try to be sneaky by putting the correct spelling in your reply to their post/comment/whatever is written and wrong, you aren’t helping. It’s best to just accept that fact now and move on with your life.
Don’t worry! You don’t have to explode from being full of grammar rage. You also don’t have to go back to school to become a teacher so you can correct people every day. You just have to have a kid. No big deal, right? No years of school or student loans or lesson plans to worry about… maybe just a bit of your sanity, a stockpile of patience, and the rest of your life is necessary.
You will have someone to CONSTANTLY correct on their atrocious spelling, grammar, and even the things they say… ESPECIALLY the things they say… and while they might think you are a total asshole, it will be your responsibility to do so. Not just for them, but for the people who will have to deal with them as adults, and don’t you want to prevent people from feeling the grammar rage that you do so often? THINK OF THE PEOPLE!!
“I don’t not want to!” And I DO want to correct you! It’s my job, sucka!
Parenthood: Every grammar and spelling nazi’s dream. Never thought you’d read a sentence like that, huh?
Just did this yesterday and it was everything 9 year old me could have dreamed of pic.twitter.com/imYQlUmSVn
LIVE on Twitch tonight -- come say hi! twitch.tv/holdinholden
As I embark on an 11 day trip with my kids, this is especially fitting. VACATIONS WITH KIDS ARE MANUAL LABOR! holdinholden.com/2016/03/vaca…
Are you, though?? 😂😂 pic.twitter.com/Rm5L9PBuiL
When I file for divorce and people ask why I'm gonna say "I told him I felt bloated & wanted donuts and he replied 'that's not gonna help'"
Me usually: Lunch time, kids! So much to choose from! Me before a trip: You're gettin' a bread sandwich because I'm not going shopping again
How to Convince Your Fam to Watch ANYTHING you want on Netflix! goo.gl/fb/H6iZrR
We're just... uh.... wrestling.... 😂😂😂 pic.twitter.com/dpAIyM88c8
When you think your kid is done telling a story and you're finally free but they immediately start telling another pic.twitter.com/zM5gtwNCnj