My kids are typical kids. And by typical I mean just as awesome and assholish as every other kid on this planet. They do the things other kids do, they say the things other kids say. All kids are insanely different from one another but freakishly alike at the same time. Anyone who has kids of their own knows that. Honestly, since we’ve all BEEN kids before, we should all know the ways of the wily child and how unpredictably predictable they can be. Unfortunately, what we as grown up children should know and what we do know don’t always line up.
After totally getting scammed at Costco on Sunday morning when they only had out a handful of sample carts when I was looking to munch on delicious goodies for a solid hour, we made our way back out into the world only to be greeted by rain. This wasn’t your typical summertime shower with big fat rain drops heavily falling from the sky. This was gross sticky misting rain- where you’re not going to get soaked enough to have to change, but you’ll be a little damp and miserable in some uncomfortable areas for just long enough to poop on your mood. And on a weekend? The only time I get to get out of the house for more than an hour at a time WITH someone else to help wrangle the kids?
Yeah… my mood was dampened- pun most definitely intended.
I’ll tell you whose mood WASN’T ruined by the rain- Parker. I guess even a few samples can make a little one happy, because as soon as we walked out the automatic doors and the mist smacked him in the face, he looked up and yelled “THE CLOUDS ARE PEEING!!!!”
My rain-ruined spirits were instantly lifted. Who wouldn’t laugh at that? That shit right there is FUNNY. When I looked around me at all the people (cloud pee didn’t stop them from trying to get their bulk buying and sampling on) coming in and out- there were no smiles. Only looks of distaste. I know the rain sucks- but damn… where did everyone’s sense of humor go?
Lately I’ve noticed this happening more and more often. A kid is simply being a kid, doing dumb or silly or evil kid things, and instead of just laughing or smiling because we’ve all been there, because it’s normal- I see ugly looks. Dirty looks. Judgy looks. Every kind of look but the one I expect- a smile. There are no smiles.
I’m disheartened by what I see these days in response to my and other peoples children. It seems like no matter what we parents do- we’re doing it wrong. We can’t discipline them in public because people think they shouldn’t have to see that; they think we’re just being mean and killing their spirits; they think any voice above a whisper is “child abuse”- yet the MOMENT our kids run a little wild, as they tend to do, we are awful parents who never discipline our kids and the future is ruined because we have failed. We’re damned if we do, and we’re damned if we don’t.
Recently, I was glared at for calmly telling my child, who was having a stage 5 face-melting tantrum, “No”- which I repeated a few times, each time calmer than the last. When I wrote about this situation on Facebook, I actually got responses from people saying that I should have taken my kid somewhere private because people “shouldn’t have to see that.”
Honey, I said, I was loading the kid into my car. It doesn’t get much more private than that.
When did this belief start that when you go out into public, you shouldn’t have to deal with other people? It’s called PUBLIC for a reason, and I know more asshole adults than assholes kids- and in case these people forgot, kids are people too.
I’m not saying that if a kid is throwing a total shitfit in a quiet restaurant that I don’t think they should be taken outside as to not disrupt everyone else’s meal. That is something I do out of courtesy- and if I can in other situations, I do the same. IF. This is not always a viable option. At the same time, I am offended by the notion that more and more people every day think children should be seen and not heard. They don’t want to hear the dumb (aka hilarious) shit kids say. They don’t want to hear reprimanding. They don’t want to hear whining- they want your kid to stay at home so they can peacefully shop with all the other assholes who have forgotten how to laugh. They want your child to come out of the womb perfectly mannered and well-behaved, and don’t you dare try to teach them those things with strangers present! God forbid your child acts like…. well… a child.
I’ve got news for those people looking down through their noses at parents and children today- we aren’t going anywhere! Not only will there always be kids, there will always be parents of these kids- and like it or not, you are going to see them out in public whether they’re in a good or a bad mood. You’re going to witness tantrums, embarrassing things being announced at the most inopportune times, and behavior correction. I would suggest if you don’t want your precious meal ruined by our unruly evil children, you be so kind as to allow us to correct the behavior without the frowns and judgy looks.
And I suggest you laugh at cloud peeing, because I don’t care WHO you are- that shit is funny.
What you REALLY need to make Holiday (or ANY) Travel Bearable goo.gl/fb/1BdFtj
Other moms: I finished Christmas shopping for my kids in June! Me: pic.twitter.com/FT3tlWGWd2
@CJPendragon learn something new every day!
@WeberWriting Absolutely. It takes a bit of time and juggling but it is 100% doable. Just have to ignore the sanctimommies of the world
Don't feel bad for tossing frozen chicken strips in the oven and calling it dinner. Don't even feel bad if you don't turn them over. holdinholden.com/2016/05/shit…
To the piece of crap who broke into my car over the weekend- You think you found nothing of value to steal, but you actually took with you the nasty head cold my family has been passing around in that very vehicle for the past week. Enjoy, scumbag! xoxo, Germ Infested SUV
The “Are You Ready to Have Kids?” Checklist of Doom goo.gl/fb/DTPJ1A
If anyone asks how I died, you can just go ahead and tell them "she was lured in by free pie in exchange for listening to 2nd graders screech Thanksgiving songs for 30 minutes"