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WHY are you pregnant?? Here are some snarky answers for that stupid question

When I found myself impregnated with baby #2- as shocked as I was- the world around me was passing the hell out.
DEAR GOD! UNHEARD OF! THE HORROR!! BLASPHEMY!!!

Apparently I was the first woman EVER to get pregnant with a second child and people demanded ANSWERS. blog67
WHY?! Why would you do that?? Are you crazy?? Don’t you know how that happens?

Duh! Of course I do- I french kissed a boy! You can get pregnant that way, ya know??

It’s honestly one of the most obnoxious things in the world to announce your pregnancy and get a line of questioning in return instead of confetti cannons and offerings of cake and brownies.
Why did I suddenly start thinking about this now? Well, last night my uterus decided to randomly erupt because The Curse, aka Aunt Flo, aka the dreaded PERIOD just can’t seem to decide on any kind of normal cycle and I found myself wanting to yank out a plastic spork and go crazy on it more than usual. And then I thought “Well, that’s one good thing about pregnancy- no period,” and THEN I thought about if I were ever to find myself in the precarious situation where I was full of womb-invader yet again, just how ugly and negative people would be because of how ugly and negative they were the last time- and THEN I thought about how I wish I would have thought to be totally snarky back at them because that would have been totally awesome.
I don’t understand how my brain falls down these rabbit holes, I just know that it does, and I like to follow it to see where it goes. I’m always surprised and entertained by the destination.

So, whether you are currently “with child,” one day magically become pregnant via french kiss, or plan your next ankle-biter and instead of the WOOHOOs you feel you so rightfully deserve get a bunch of judgy a-holeish comments upon the announcement of such, I have come up with some answers you could give, just to mess with people; because why not?
As much as we’d love to rid the world of assholes, unfortunately it seems that they will always be out there- and the shittiest ones always seem to float to the top- so if we HAVE to deal with them, we should at least have a little bit of fun with them, right?

WHY did you get pregnant again?!?!

I just wanted a break from my period

I like the pregnancy parking at stores because parking far away and having to walk sucks.

I wanted an excuse to eat whatever the hell I want without people questioning me.

The boobs are AWESOME.

I’m tired of wearing real pants!

I wanted a vacation. Maternity leave is basically the same thing.

I just like the attention, I’m not really interested in the baby.

WHAT?? PREGNANT?! I’m not pregnant! How DARE you!

Y’know- it’s tough enough that we ladies have to deal with the carrying and delivery of said children- but then to be questioned on top of it? It’s a serious decision, whether or not to have a baby, and to have turdberries question it, as though they have the right? Well, they deserve to be fucked with. As much as possible.

Posted on June 7, 2013 by Holdin' Holden 6 Comments
Holdin' Holden

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  • Mommy2doodleandkk June 7, 2013 at 10:18 pm

    I love this! People say the rudest things to pregnant ladies! I think the worst I ever heard was some lady asked me if I was having one or two… When I replied with just one she told me she thinks I was pregnant with twins and the twin died and I just didn’t know it! Seriously… Who says this kind of stuff!!

  • I totally wish I thought of these when my uncle told me “Why’d you get pregnant again? You can’t afford the one you’ve got!” The asshole. LOL

  • I love this! When I was 8 months pregnant with my 3rd child I had someone ask me if I was expecting another baby. I just looked at him and said “NO, I just got really fat!” Then turned around and walked off. The look on his face was priceless, wish I would have had my camera ready.

  • We are running into this problem now. We are unexpectedly expecting, and our youngest child is only eight months old. I’m already freaking out trying to discover a way to grow two more arms and the fact that some family members and co workers are asking, “uhh you guys know what causes that right?” Isn’t helping. I’ll be using a few of these from here on out.

  • If in public, whisper kinda loud “Ssssshhhh…I’m stealing a ham” ! If they’re close enough to you, they won’t ask. But if it’s just a casual acquaintance (noneya b), the shock will be enough to drive them away.

  • I’ve been asked these questions too many times to count. I got so tired of hearing “don’t you know what causes that?” that I started telling people “With this being baby number 3 (and 4), I think it’s obvious that I’ve got that part down pretty good. It’s the preventing it that I’m not so good with!” The shocked/embarrassed faces are priceless!!