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I will not give up on my children just because they are male

My family structure is build on a solid foundation of love and humor. As the lone female in my house, I have a particularly good time poking fun at gender stereotypes by making fun of the things that males all supposedly do- even if they aren’t necessarily true. It’s kind of my right as the outnumbered gender in this house to do so, because I’m the one who has to deal with their overwhelming BS on a daily basis and without a constant source of amusement, I would not survive. 

As I’ve written before, some stereotypes exist for a reason. I take them more as a Leonardo DiCaprio Caricaturecaricature of real life. Every little obnoxious thing is exaggerated and applied to us all even if we don’t necessarily fit the “mold.” Take the TV mom for instance. While I love to bake and at times would consider myself nagging or helicoptering- I am no 50’s housewife (even though I love the fashion and the hair, just don’t have the patience for it.) I don’t spend all day scrubbing floors and a roast for dinner with 6 sides is not ready and on the table by the Thomas comes homes home from work. I am not mild-mannered and I don’t even own an apron (though maybe I should.)

When Thomas sorted the clean laundry wrong and it took me 20 minutes to undo it and sort it correctly- I joked that he had done it on purpose to get out of ever doing laundry again- because laundry is a “woman thing.” When Holden found three pennies on the floor and instead of picking them up, spent two minutes talking about how they were on the floor and they shouldn’t be- I made a joke about it on Facebook, and like with Thomas and the laundry- the response was shockingly similar.

Actually, any time I make a joke about something the boys messed up or did wrong- the response is shockingly similar:

“They’re MALES. They will never do it right! It’s hopeless! Just give up!”

Let me first say that while I am not offended by this, as I believe we’re all entitled to our own opinions- but that is NOT what I believe at all. I’ll admit- I giggled- but I disagree wholeheartedly. As a wife, and as a mother raising two males.  Even if it leans in the direction of truth according to women across the planet- it’s not going to fly in my home.
I am not going to write off my two children for the simple fact that they are male. I am never going to “give up” on them because their gender suggests in stereotypical fashion that they are incapable of doing something the way it should be done. Please don’t ask me to. It’s never going to happen.

I will always push them to be their personal best. To not just be good MALES, but good HUMANS- because to me, gender plays no role here. Gender has nothing to do with how well you can clean up after yourself or bake a pie or do the laundry.

Assuming that a person inherently sorts the laundry wrong because they have a penis instead of a vagina and will never be able to learn the right way is as ridiculous as saying that all females are nothing more than nagging insecure bitches who should get in the kitchen and make a sammich, and they definitely shouldn’t have a drivers license because blog4112if you want to trust the stereotypes implicitly- we are all terrible drivers. stead of a vagina and will never be able to learn the right way is as ridiculous as saying that all females are nothing more than nagging insecure bitches who should get in the kitchen and make a sammich, and they definitely shouldn’t have a drivers license because if you want to trust the stereotypes implicitly- we are all terrible drivers.
I think Danica Patrick would have something to say about that.

 

Thomas might SUCK at sorting the laundry- but I don’t think it’s because he’s a man. And I don’t think it’s because he was plotting and scheming to get out of ever sorting it again- I didn’t even ask him to sort it in the first place.
This isn’t to say that some men don’t ACTUALLY do the scheming and the plotting. It’s not even to say that some men don’t suck at the laundry or fail at the dishes or put a diaper on backwards- oh I’m sure they do. But not all, and I refuse to write them all off and let them get away with doing nothing and acting like neanderthals who can’t pick up their own dirty underwear because “they are men”– No.

We are equals.

I clean my shit up, you clean yours; that is how Thomas and I work, and how I plan to raise my boys. Regardless of “skill.” There is no man vs. woman here outside of who actually has to birth the babies- and that’s just because of science. My sons will never think that it’s a “woman’s job” to clean or cook. They will never think that they don’t have to fold laundry because they shouldn’t have to thank to their penises.
Even if in the end I turn out to be wrong and all my whites are pink from a lone red sock in a white wash. Even if I’m still picking up dirty underwear and reminding every male in my family to rinse off their fucking plates before putting them in the sink so that the food doesn’t turn into cement and have zero chance of coming off- I’m never giving up on them.

And if I’m bad at driving, it has nothing to do with my vagina and more to do with the fact that everyone else on the road sucks.

Posted on April 11, 2013 by Holdin' Holden 2 Comments
Holdin' Holden

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  • Thank you! I live in a house of men as well (boyfriend and 4-year-old) and feel the same way. The boy can turn his clothes right side out (with some assistance) and put his own socks up and make sure his shoes are in the closet and toys in the toy box. And the man can load the dishwasher and fold some towels and vacuum and cook dinner and walk the dog. Just like I can do that too! Thanks for this post!

  • I am soooo guilty of putting on a diaper backwards! Hahaha! I am also the lone female in this house. Even the cat is male… My hubs is kind of broken, and his brain doesn’t function very well… But he can do laundry (badly :P) And he can cook (from a box!) but cleaning out the cat box seems to be a little overwhelming. 🙂 He even cleans up after the toddler! I hate the whole Suzy Homemaker role so much some days. But being a mommy takes care of that. And my son will learn how to cook, clean, sew (because I can’t!), and he knows how to paint nails already. Mommy’s helper with the mani/pedi!