Battle of the Sexes- the never ending tug of war between Man and Woman to prove who is the stronger gender. The better gender. The more powerful gender.
Some women want you to hail to the V- and some men think that having a club between their legs means that since they can thwack you with it, they are in control.
Okay I actually don’t know why each gender thinks they are better than the other one, and to be totally honest- I don’t care that much either. You can yank out pieces of paper from your back pocket or pop it in the Google machine and show me studies of how women are better because they have more endurance- or show me a similar one with different results that says dudes rule the world because of their strength… all I really know is I’m a chick and while that SUCKS some giant sweaty balls sometimes, I would not trade in my lady bits for a wiener. I just imagine the chafing from as big of a doodle as man-me would have would cause a lot of inner thigh chafing.
Seriously though- I just know that I am meant to be a female. And I know we females have our downsides, as do guys. I’m too lazy to argue over who rules and who drools, though. Come to think of it- I’m too lazy to argue over much of anything these days, as I like to save up my arguing mojo for when the kids are bopping each other on the head with toys or eating their nose gold.
However- there is ONE argument left that I am not done with. One that I think I will fight with gusto until the end of time. One I have fought here before and still lives on to be fought another day-
The battle over the toilet seat.
After many a late night toilet water butt-bath from both seats being left up- I wrote a rant. A public safety message, if you will- explaining my side of the argument- to ALWAYS put the damn seat down. To have some consideration for the lady in your life who either married your stank pee-splattering ass or birthed it and put the seat DOWN. Always!
I had many many people throw confetti and cheer- but of course there are always those who disagree. We can’t all think alike. And just as I strongly insist the seat gets put down- some thought the seat should remain up. The reasoning being that if I am the outnumbered gender- I should cater to the majority. Shit, some even said they didn’t wanna touch that nasty thing either to move it up or down.
In order to understand the plight of a woman in order to make a valid argument- a man must live a day as a woman. I’m not meaning to go as far as Dustin Hoffman in Tootsie- but if you want to know why so many of us expend the effort to bitch about the position of the toilet seat- you gotta at least try to understand why.
Throughout your day- every restroom break you take- sit. That’s right- sit. Sit on down and have a grand old time. Many times you will notice, if you are in an area with males who feel no need to either lift or put the seat down- you bear witness to horrors that no human should have to see.
Either you have to grab the bottom of the seat (if you aren’t unfortunate enough not to notice the seat is still up and plop on down and nearly get swallowed), which can at times be caked in the crusty old remnants of OPP (other people’s pee. duh)- or you notice when you go to sit the droppings left over. Unless you care to hover, or own a Fenis- you’re having to clean that shit up. It’s fucking disgusting, to say the very least. Especially if it’s in a public place.
You truly do not know the horror of a unisex bathroom until you have both fallen into the toilet and sat in someone else’s pee leftovers.
I know women aren’t innocent here, though. We have plenty of things coming out of us that might make for a disgusting toilet that could turn even the strongest of stomachs. We won’t go into those things here- I think we can all figure out what I’m referring to.
This whole bathroom etiquette thing? Let’s treat it as a two way street where we are ALL at fault and ALL need to do our fair share to keep asses out of water and off of pee.
Even though I still believe the seat should go UP when a man goes in to the bathroom and be put back down when he is done in order to avoid these kinds of situations- why don’t we all make a deal here, y’know- appease everyone?
A) Clean up after yourself. That means ladies too! Don’t you fucking drip dry all over the toilet seat and leave it for the next person unfortunate enough to enter the stall after you. If you have an incident of backsplash due to prolonged holding of bladder? Wipe it up! Sure, people get paid to clean public restrooms- but that’s not an excuse to be disgusting. And at home? Come the fuck on. Do you love your family? WIPE IT UP!
B) Instead of the butthurt experienced by the “leave it up!” or “put it down!” argument- let’s just all agree to put both the seat AND the lid down. Before you flush. Did you know that when you flush with the lid open- pee and poo particles get sprayed ALL over your bathroom? Yeah. That’s fucking disgusting. Everyone PUT THEM ALL DOWN. Problem solved- we all have to work for it.
Quit the bitchin’ and let’s just be obnoxiously health conscious together!
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Hard pass from me pic.twitter.com/VayvW1eopK
I've gotten to the point where I'd let my kids summon a demon with a Ouija board before I'd let them play Monopoly together again.
Parenthood is when you start counting the minutes to bed time before 11am.
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