You know how you have a kid, and everyone tells you that you shouldn’t curse around them or use bad words and that you should beware of absolutely everything you say because chances are likely that if you don’t- these words or phrases or random little nuggets will come back to haunt you at the most inopportune time?
If you’re anything like me, or I guess if you’re surrounded by similar people as the ones that surround me- you get this drilled into your head before your squishy little booger-picker has uttered anything more than “goo-goo”
Don’t say the bad words! DON’T SAY THEM! Trust me, you’ll live to regret it! No, it doesn’t matter if hearing some of these words repeated back, at times, is downright hilarious. Be a parent! Be strong! Put your foot down! Do not giggle! If you giggle, they will become encouraged and go 4-letter Energizer Bunny on you. If you make a big deal about it- that will screw you too, because kids just LOVE to do the things you tell them not to do. Basically, you’re completely and mortally effed either way, so you’d be wise to just not say anything at all. Ever. Yeah, just forget about that whole talking thing, because saying something as harmless as “Get off of my pelvis you’re hurting me!” could make for some super awkwardness when parroted by a 3 year old in the grocery store.
I love constant streams of advice from people I didn’t ask, and I ALWAYS take it- so of course, I am not a perpetrator here. Totally innocent. I never ever say bad words in front of my kids!
However, I have this…. “friend”… She is really fucking stubborn. She’s not a bad person or anything, she just refuses to take advice from random people because, so she claims, it’s never brought her anything beneficial to do so. And because she finds that kind of thing to be obnoxious and refuses it to prove a point. Or something. I don’t really know, since I’m not her.
Try as she might, she still occasionally lets the word of the 4-letter variety fly. She’s been lucky enough that it hasn’t really come back to bite her in the ass- but the OTHER stuff. Ohhhh, the other stuff.
Let’s just say my friend has a…. very creative mouth. I think she figures if she can’t curse as much as she once did back before she spawned new life, she will replace the bad words with other words that may not be so bad, but still may not be so good coming out of the mouths of children.
I told her time and time again to be careful! I warned her!
Sure enough, her youngest child- who just so happens to be a boy, just like my youngest (what a coincidence!)- started repeating one of those ‘not-so bad’ words, and since it wasn’t SO bad, she didn’t call him on it very often. In fact, she thought it was pretty frickin’ funny. I mean, it’s not like he was dropping F bombs or anything, so she thought – what harm could it really do?
Well, this friend found herself waiting outside her older son’s school (yeah, an older son! Just like mine too. no wonder we’re friends. We have so much in common) waiting to pick him up with her younger son, surrounded by a horde other parents doing the same- and the younger one decides that he’s going to play a game of hide and seek by himself- and all the other parents are awwwwwwwing about how super cute he is running around and laughing all by himself, when he runs behind her and yells, at the top of his little (yet incredibly loud) lungs:
“I’M HIDING IN YOUR BUTTHOLE!”
And this horde of parents all GASPED and there was a chorus of “WHAT did he just say??”s and “did you hear that?”s and then there was a lot of laughing. A lot, a lot. Only, not by my friend.
Not that I would know or anything, because this definitely did not happen to me today- but I imagine that would be REALLY embarrassing. My poor friend. Maybe she should have told that evil embarrassing little child not to say butthole all 500 times he had said it before. So now, poor friend is known by all of the parents at her kid’s school as the mom with the potty mouthed toddler.
See, that’s what happens when you don’t listen to people! My “friend” should really know better by now. Sheesh.
10 Going on 20: The Spicy Chicken Story goo.gl/fb/qqm3FZ
'Tis the season to return a gift given to you and have the uncontrollable urge to buy more crap for your kids with the money.
😂😂😂 I never knew we had so much in common pic.twitter.com/Yu4ytvgmOp
Did you know that toothpaste becomes stronger than concrete if left on surfaces for too long? I didn't either. Thanks, kids!
Y'all can keep your creepy little elves- my kids live in fear of the PRESENT PRISON. holdinholden.com/2014/12/the-…
Cut Yourself some Christmas Slack goo.gl/fb/4WVJe2
My day as a parent isn't complete until I've threatened to sell at least one of my children on the black market. Twice. At least.