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A "friend’s" situation of parental embarrassment due to slacking

You know how you have a kid, and everyone tells you that you shouldn’t curse around them or use bad words and that you should beware of absolutely everything you say because chances are likely that if you don’t- these words or phrases or random little nuggets will come back to haunt you at the most inopportune time?

If you’re anything like me, or I guess if you’re surrounded by similar people as the ones that surround me- you get this drilled into your head before your squishy little booger-picker has uttered anything more than “goo-goo”

Don’t say the bad words! DON’T SAY THEM! Trust me, you’ll live to regret it! No, it doesn’t matter if hearing some of these words repeated back, at times, is downright hilarious. Be a parent! Be strong! Put your foot down! Do not giggle! If you giggle, they will become encouraged and go 4-letter Energizer Bunny on you. If you make a big deal about it- that will screw you too, because kids just LOVE to do the things you tell them not to do. Basically, you’re completely and mortally effed either way, so you’d be wise to just not say anything at all. Ever. Yeah, just forget about that whole talking thing, because saying something as harmless as “Get off of my pelvis you’re hurting me!” could make for some super awkwardness when parroted by a 3 year old in the grocery store.

I love constant streams of advice from people I didn’t ask, and I ALWAYS take it- so of course, I am not a perpetrator here. Totally innocent. I never ever say bad words in front of my kids!

However, I have this…. “friend”… She is really fucking stubborn. She’s not a bad person or anything, she just refuses to take advice from random people because, so she claims, it’s never brought her anything beneficial to do so. And because she finds that kind of thing to be obnoxious and refuses it to prove a point. Or something. I don’t really know, since I’m not her.

Try as she might, she still occasionally lets the word of the 4-letter variety fly. She’s been lucky enough that it hasn’t really come back to bite her in the ass- but the OTHER stuff. Ohhhh, the other stuff.
Let’s just say my friend has a…. very creative mouth. I think she figures if she can’t curse as much as she once did back before she spawned new life, she will replace the bad words with other words that may not be so bad, but still may not be so good coming out of the mouths of children.
I told her time and time again to be careful! I warned her!

Sure enough, her youngest child- who just so happens to be a boy, just like my youngest (what a coincidence!)- started repeating one of those ‘not-so bad’ words, and since it wasn’t SO bad, she didn’t call him on it very often. In fact, she thought it was pretty frickin’ funny. I mean, it’s not like he was dropping F bombs or anything, so she thought – what harm could it really do?

Well, this friend found herself waiting outside her older son’s school (yeah, an older son! Just like mine too. no wonder we’re friends. We have so much in common) waiting to pick him up with her younger son, surrounded by a horde other parents doing the same- and the younger one decides that he’s going to play a game of hide and seek by himself- and all the other parents are awwwwwwwing about how super cute he is running around and laughing all by himself, when he runs behind her and yells, at the top of his little (yet incredibly loud) lungs:
“I’M HIDING IN YOUR BUTTHOLE!”
And this horde of parents all GASPED and there was a chorus of “WHAT did he just say??”s and “did you hear that?”s and then there was a lot of laughing. A lot, a lot. Only, not by my friend.

Not that I would know or anything, because this definitely did not happen to me today- but I imagine that would be REALLY embarrassing. My poor friend. Maybe she should have told that evil embarrassing little child not to say butthole all 500 times he had said it before. So now, poor friend is known by all of the parents at her kid’s school as the mom with the potty mouthed toddler.

See, that’s what happens when you don’t listen to people! My “friend” should really know better by now. Sheesh.

Posted on December 12, 2012 by Holdin' Holden 12 Comments
Holdin' Holden

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12 Comments

  • My friend had a similar experience today with her only fuzzy junk owning kid. Sonething about if you dont get out of this bathroom right now I am going to kill you dead being yelled at the top of his lungs in a grocery store bathroom. at a clerk.

  • That’s when you, or your friend, looks all the parents in the eye and say, with the most serious face possible, “Which one of your kids taught him to say that?”

  • Agreed with untouchable!

  • LMFAO! ….my son at the grocery store.at 3….”Mamma…thats the biggest butt Ive NEVER seen”…pointing to a total stranger! Ugh!

  • ugh! my 4 yr old told his Papa (my father.in.law) … as Papa handed him a soda… “mommy wouldnt like me drinking this! she’d kick my ass!” …as long as he doesnt say that at preschool!! lol! & for the record… I’m not THAT mean of a mommy! lol… I told him if he was unsure he should’ve come to talk to me about it.

  • Bahaha! When my daughter was seven, we were playing frisbee. She caught it, and in front of the crowded park, yells out while doing a jumping dance, “DAMN! I’m good!”

    I laughed. Until a teacher called me and said she’d done it when learning about an A on a test *facepalm*

  • My now 9 year old son when he was 3 looked at a very large man (he was as wide as he was tall) and told him he was fat. The guy just laughed and agreed with my son, but I did apologize with a bright red face.

    My soon to be 8 year old just a few weeks ago said out loud the his vagina was burning. I had left the kids in the car while I ran into the store my 14 year old was with them, everyone that was pumping gas heard the whole conversation before I caught the burning vagina part.

    That same soon to be 8 year old during Christmas break, we were in a thrift store looking for work shirts for hubby and a black guy came in. He say’s, “Look Mommy a black guy just came in the thrift store.”
    We live in a small town, in a small province, in Canada so there aren’t many different races here. I told the youngest that it wasn’t nice to say things like that out loud.

    When my daughter was 2-3 she would go around saying “F- you” in Italian while giving the salute with her arms crossed over one another with her index finger in the air. (at least it wasn’t her middle finger).

    I do love love my kids, but they pick the most awful times to say things.

  • My 4 yr old decided to say shit, yes, shit. She would say “mom, you have to pick up the dog shit?” Or “you better clean this shit up” thank her daddy for that one, I got tired of it so I put the tiniest drop of soap on my finger and into her tongue it went, she hasn’t said it since. When my now 14 yr old was 2 she was learning to say “fine thank you” in response to someone asking how she was, we were in the bank (teller knew her by name) and asked how she was, she said “fuck you” everyone looked at me like “what are you teaching that kid?” I said (ever so embarrassed and red-faced) “she is learning to say fine thank you, that us how she pronounces it” lol

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  • Funny. Never had this problem with my stepdaughters. They were taught they can only use a word if they are willing to take the consequence for using said word. (As in, they won’t say “Oh my god,” because they were taught not everyone, myself included, believes in a god. Also that some people might take it the wrong way and get offended.) Now, I was born in Brooklyn. My family’s from Brooklyn. So, four-letter words are commonplace. My stepdaughters, not so much. They’re British Columbian born and raised. More times than not, they give me dirty looks when I swear!

    However, my godson (yes I know the irony given my last statement) is a whole different story. He is from a very religious family and I know I’d never hear the end of it if he came home from time with me spouting obscenities. My solution was saying “four-letter word” every time I wanted to curse… until one day he turned to me and, without blinking an eye, said, “I know what you wanted to say… You wanted to say ‘fuck’.” Needless to say, from that day on, I retired “four-letter word.”

  • Laurie Kingsbury January 9, 2015 at 10:41 am

    Yeah I got the whole finger wagging don’t cuss in front blah blah when I had my kids. I’m married to a sailor, most of my friends are married to sailors so let’s just say my kids have heard colorful language. LOL I would have welcomed the repeating at the school if it meant that my Disney eyed daughter at the age of 3 didn’t say “Mommy, when is this asshole going to be quiet and get on with it already?” At my husband reenlistment while the CO was talking. MORTIFIED. completely mortified.