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My kids are a-holes, and I love it.

As I continue down this weird path of blogging, writing, twittering, facebooking- this wonderful thing called GROWTH happens. It’s a privilege to continue to expand and have more people reading my weird thoughts and about my random life- but with the good typically comes the bad. With the flood of wonderful new people, there is always a bad apple. A bad rotten stinky apple. No, of course not everyone is always going to like you or think you’re funny or want to be your friend. That is a way of life that as you mature, you just have to get used to and accept. Within that (hopefully) small group of people out of the flood that washes in that doesn’t like you- will be the ONE that speaks up. The one that just decides they have to try to make you feel like a dried out turd lying in the sun, just because they don’t necessarily agree with you. Or because they haven’t given you enough of a chance to REALLY get to know you, your sense of humor, your mannerisms, your weird and maybe even slightly obnoxious habits. Sometimes, the best people don’t end up charming you until you at least learn that they tend to be sarcastic, or that when they’re being condescending they don’t mean it and are angling for a laugh. Or maybe you really DO just suck, but I doubt it.

Maybe someone enters your life or your internet sphere of existence and really thinks you’re being an asshole or a whiner or just a downright biatch, when you aren’t. That is what often happens to me.

I can’t assume that the world has SO many assholes in it (I mean, it probably does, but if I believe that I’ll really lose my mind) willing to try and ruin a stranger’s day- but I can believe that context on the internet is, at times, nearly impossible to decipher. Not that I agree with blasting someone just because you disagree or assume they mean one thing when it could easily mean another- but let’s get real here- this is Facebook- the land of opinions and assholes and people with fires lit under their asses or looking for someone to take a bad day out on. It may not be pretty, but, well… That’s the internet for ya.

There was a long time that I thought I was literally the only person on earth who felt the way I do about parenting, who had the same (or even a similar) philosophy- I was happy to be proven wrong.

I think it’s about time I type out that philosophy- not just for those who are unaware and may be taking what I find to be humorous anecdotes and tales of parenting to be nothing but pure “whining”- but especially for those who are currently feeling like I once did: Alone.
You don’t have to completely agree with any of this- but if you find it all to be so awful and terrible- it’s likely you and I will never get along, and my page will do nothing but annoy the shit out of you. So let’s save ourselves some time- these are the “rules” I live by

– Parenting is hard. No matter if you work outside the home, in the home, or if you’re a stay at home parent. Don’t crap on other people if they’re having a long exhausting day just because you had one too.

– Due to kids being hard- oftentimes we parents need to vent about them. They drive us absolutely insane and what the hell else are we going to do? Bottle it up and win an extended stay at the nutfarm? There is nothing wrong with venting. It’s good for the soul. It’s also good for sanity, which most days I feel as though I only have a loose grasp of.

– The most important tool next to love and compassion- is humor. If we don’t laugh, we’ll scream… so why NOT laugh? Why not take the worst part of our day and instead of bitching and moaning and feeling like crap about it, spin it into something funny? Something positive? I have no interest in being a ‘serious’ parent except when absolutely necessary. Life should not be taken so seriously, even if parenting is a serious job.

– Curse words keep me from punching people. I never baby-talked my kids, so I’m not going to use baby words when talking about my kids.

– I might sugarcoat things to my kids, but i’m not going to sugarcoat for anyone else. A spade is a spade and I call it as I see it. This might mean when one of my kids is acting like they’ve been possessed by the devil and their head is about to spin around- I’m going to tell you that he is being a total a-hole. Just because he’s a child doesn’t mean it isn’t true.

– That’s right, I said my kids can be assholes… but you know what? I love it. No, of course I don’t actually enjoy the tantruming and the screaming and the stomping of the floors and the fear that one of them is going to start foaming from the mouth over the suggestion that he eats his dinner and stops complaining- but they’re my kids. My children. My babies. They are the loves of my life but they are HUMAN, for fuck’s sake; so even if I don’t LIKE them all the time, I love every single bit of them. Even the assholey bit. Always.

If you don’t quite see things in the same light as I do- guess what? That’s ok. No one ever said there was one specific right way to see or do or feel about things. Or they probably did, but they were wrong. Everyone is different, with different reactions and different senses of humor. We’d all be better off if we kept that in mind before assuming that someone was a terrible person/horrible parent/asshole/mega-bitch by reading a couple of sentences on the internet.

As Ellen would say: “Be kind to one another”
It’s truly that simple.

*if you want to read more about why I feel so strongly about this kind of thing and speaking out about it- it’s all in my book, so grab yourself a copy: Musings of a 20-Something Mom on Amazon

Posted on November 12, 2012 by Holdin' Holden 13 Comments
Holdin' Holden

About Holdin' Holden

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13 Comments

  • I love this!! I feel exactly the same. I’m so glad there are tons of other moms out there who feel like I do. My kids drive me batshit crazy and there is no amount of sugar in this whole wide world that can coat the way I deal with them. So fantastic to know I’m not alone!!

    Teri

  • Most definitely not alone!

  • I have 4 wonderful kids. They really are great for the most part. Two girls 1 and 3 and two boys 9 and 11. The baby girl is a bitch. She has figured out quickly that she is the baby and takes full bitchy bossy advantage of it. The next one is a drama queen. Every little thing will set her off and break her heart. Every little thing. Sometimes real sometimes imagined. The 9 year old is bouncing ball of endless energy. He is like the tasmanian devil. He can destroy a clean room in 2.5 seconds. The oldest is just well old. Feels responsible for everything the others do. He mother hens them worse than i do. I say dude your 11 chill. But they are mine and i love them. And really i wouldn’t change a thing about them. Even if i haven’t been to the bathroom by myself in 11 years. Wow that was long. Anyhow. Love your blog. Keep on writing 🙂

  • Jenny you are amazing there isn’t a FUCKING thing wrong with ya! <3

  • I hear ya sister. Sometimes I call my 2 year old a little bastard. Not to his face or anything but it’s such a release to admit that sometimes the kids are slowly driving us mad and that it’s okay to feel a little mad sometimes. Love the blog too. It’s refreshing.

  • I am past the youngin’ stages. Thank fuck. But my teen is a drama queen – my worst nightmare. I love her, I have her back and I would KILL anyone that tried to harm her. She drives me insane – especially when BOTH of us PMS at the same time. I still wouldn’t change a thing.

  • Jenny, you come from a different world than I do. Bugger, and little Bastard are terms of endearment here in the coal region. My baby was the rottenest child ever born for the first 90 days of her life. Many times I wanted to put her in a basket and leave her on the convent stoop. Colic…no mother who has gone through colic will ever judge you for any of your actions. Sometimes kids are jackasses. Mine is pretty good now that she’s 16, but Mommy was forced to point out that she is a condescending little snot face when she has PMS. I will continue to call her out whenever she acts like a moron. It’s my job.

  • i forget who said this, but you can be the sweetest, juiciest peach and there will still be people that hate peaches. dang haters!

  • My son is 16 and is pretty good…for being a teenage boy. My daughter is almost 6 and she’s alright for the most part. She does have her bitchy moments. My boyfriends kids are a whole ‘nother story…his son is 6 and a total drama king, whiny, lazy, and such a snarky little asshole it makes your teeth cringe from grinding them. His daughter is 4 and holy hell, could I just please have 1/4 the energy she has???

  • Ahhh …I’m not alone. I have 2 girls (9 and 16) ..I am not an uptight fake mom like most I see where I live. I don’t walk around thinking I am better than anyone else because I don’t care what other people think of me or my parenting.My husband travels for work so I am a single mom with a bankroll. My house is the hangout for the kids because they are free to be themselves. I won’t judge them and there are few rules. 1) Be kind and respectful to one another 2) pick up your own mess–I’m not the maid …3) Don’t trash my shit …4) if there are smaller kids here playing…watch out for them or I smack you like I gave birth to you :D..I tell them all my rules from the rip so there aren’t any surprises when they fck up. ….My kids are awesome kids.. but have assholioish tendencies…and I am thankful because they don’t let people shit on them…(people will shit on you if you allow them to)… I treat them as people and not idiot children. I’ve never done the baby talk thing because I know if someone spoke to me that way they would probably catch a brick in the face. I don’t feel the need to power trip because I am a parent, we are all here to help each other along.My children know I am their mother and not their friend, but that doesn’t mean we can’t goof off and do simple shit to make each other laugh. Life is hard enough and childhood doesn’t need to be a miserable experience. My kids prefer to stay home instead of sleepovers because people are weird and this is their safe happy place. I know my kids won’t be blowing up federal buildings, juggling razor blades in the corner or selling meth out of my shed like their oppressed friends. <3 Miss Jenny, I salute you!!

  • I’m a mom in the making right now – due in just a few more weeks!!! – and I can’t tell you enough how much I think you rock. I’ve always wanted to be a mom, but it’s a scary thing to face once you realize that it’s actually going to happen; like soon. Of course I have grand plans and ideas of the kind of mom I want to be, and I really do think I’ll be on the stricter side with some things (especially manners, respect and education), but I want to be realistic too and reading your blogs help me realize that its totally possible. You prove to me that even though parenthood is insanely difficult, pressure-filled and sometimes just plain sucky, that every second of that icky stuff is perfect anyway. Thank you for that.

    (PS Can I purchase your book from anywhere other than Amazon? For many reasons, I can’t morally and ethically give Amazon my business, but I so want to read your book!)

  • Thanks everyone!

    Katie- you can go here to purchase (which I actually prefer but never link to because Amazon sells it for a little less) http://createspace.com/3717718
    if that doesn’t work you can ask your local bookstore (mom and pop or big box) to order one for you