As I continue down this weird path of blogging, writing, twittering, facebooking- this wonderful thing called GROWTH happens. It’s a privilege to continue to expand and have more people reading my weird thoughts and about my random life- but with the good typically comes the bad. With the flood of wonderful new people, there is always a bad apple. A bad rotten stinky apple. No, of course not everyone is always going to like you or think you’re funny or want to be your friend. That is a way of life that as you mature, you just have to get used to and accept. Within that (hopefully) small group of people out of the flood that washes in that doesn’t like you- will be the ONE that speaks up. The one that just decides they have to try to make you feel like a dried out turd lying in the sun, just because they don’t necessarily agree with you. Or because they haven’t given you enough of a chance to REALLY get to know you, your sense of humor, your mannerisms, your weird and maybe even slightly obnoxious habits. Sometimes, the best people don’t end up charming you until you at least learn that they tend to be sarcastic, or that when they’re being condescending they don’t mean it and are angling for a laugh. Or maybe you really DO just suck, but I doubt it.
Maybe someone enters your life or your internet sphere of existence and really thinks you’re being an asshole or a whiner or just a downright biatch, when you aren’t. That is what often happens to me.
I can’t assume that the world has SO many assholes in it (I mean, it probably does, but if I believe that I’ll really lose my mind) willing to try and ruin a stranger’s day- but I can believe that context on the internet is, at times, nearly impossible to decipher. Not that I agree with blasting someone just because you disagree or assume they mean one thing when it could easily mean another- but let’s get real here- this is Facebook- the land of opinions and assholes and people with fires lit under their asses or looking for someone to take a bad day out on. It may not be pretty, but, well… That’s the internet for ya.
There was a long time that I thought I was literally the only person on earth who felt the way I do about parenting, who had the same (or even a similar) philosophy- I was happy to be proven wrong.
I think it’s about time I type out that philosophy- not just for those who are unaware and may be taking what I find to be humorous anecdotes and tales of parenting to be nothing but pure “whining”- but especially for those who are currently feeling like I once did: Alone.
You don’t have to completely agree with any of this- but if you find it all to be so awful and terrible- it’s likely you and I will never get along, and my page will do nothing but annoy the shit out of you. So let’s save ourselves some time- these are the “rules” I live by
– Parenting is hard. No matter if you work outside the home, in the home, or if you’re a stay at home parent. Don’t crap on other people if they’re having a long exhausting day just because you had one too.
– Due to kids being hard- oftentimes we parents need to vent about them. They drive us absolutely insane and what the hell else are we going to do? Bottle it up and win an extended stay at the nutfarm? There is nothing wrong with venting. It’s good for the soul. It’s also good for sanity, which most days I feel as though I only have a loose grasp of.
– The most important tool next to love and compassion- is humor. If we don’t laugh, we’ll scream… so why NOT laugh? Why not take the worst part of our day and instead of bitching and moaning and feeling like crap about it, spin it into something funny? Something positive? I have no interest in being a ‘serious’ parent except when absolutely necessary. Life should not be taken so seriously, even if parenting is a serious job.
– Curse words keep me from punching people. I never baby-talked my kids, so I’m not going to use baby words when talking about my kids.
– I might sugarcoat things to my kids, but i’m not going to sugarcoat for anyone else. A spade is a spade and I call it as I see it. This might mean when one of my kids is acting like they’ve been possessed by the devil and their head is about to spin around- I’m going to tell you that he is being a total a-hole. Just because he’s a child doesn’t mean it isn’t true.
– That’s right, I said my kids can be assholes… but you know what? I love it. No, of course I don’t actually enjoy the tantruming and the screaming and the stomping of the floors and the fear that one of them is going to start foaming from the mouth over the suggestion that he eats his dinner and stops complaining- but they’re my kids. My children. My babies. They are the loves of my life but they are HUMAN, for fuck’s sake; so even if I don’t LIKE them all the time, I love every single bit of them. Even the assholey bit. Always.
If you don’t quite see things in the same light as I do- guess what? That’s ok. No one ever said there was one specific right way to see or do or feel about things. Or they probably did, but they were wrong. Everyone is different, with different reactions and different senses of humor. We’d all be better off if we kept that in mind before assuming that someone was a terrible person/horrible parent/asshole/mega-bitch by reading a couple of sentences on the internet.
As Ellen would say: “Be kind to one another”
It’s truly that simple.
*if you want to read more about why I feel so strongly about this kind of thing and speaking out about it- it’s all in my book, so grab yourself a copy: Musings of a 20-Something Mom on Amazon
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