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Scare’em while they’re young!

It would probably make me a horrible terrible craptacular piece of work to claim that parenting is such an immense weighty-frustrating and misery filled job that we parents have to always take solace in the little things for we have nothing else to brighten our days. It would also make me a liar because that is simply not true… most of the time.

Those of us mere mortals lacking the patience of a saint or the ability to turn off our ears amidst banshee like shrieking where we are literally counting the minutes until crotchfruitian bedtime- and during those horrible terrible craptacular days is where we learn that while these little things are definitely not the ONLY things we have to brighten our days- they are still awesome, and we should enjoy and take advantage of them as much as humanly possible.

I have a list of many of these “little things” that I keep in the dark corners of my mind for tantrumy butthole kid moments, so that I can think about them and the next time I will be able to experience one of them and not go all Mommy Dearest up in this bitch.
Yes, my wee uteran explosion, continue to freak out, because I know eventually the time will come where I will make a dessert your picky ass doesn’t like, and you will refuse to eat it- and since I have already prepared it for consumption- it shall be mine. Sure, my tiny-terror, run around the yard shrieking like a bat out of hell while I cringe waiting for you to inevitably bust your ass which will create a booboo that I will be the one to have to deal with as you scream directly into my face- for I know this will only make it so that you sleep better and earlier tonight.

rainbows and bunnies and
unicorns! YAY!

Turning the negatives into positives- I know it’s super obnoxious Suzy Sunshine type bullshit, but it really does work on those days where you’d love nothing more than to be kidnapped by the weird bearded hippy downtown and stashed in an underground tunnel for a couple of years.

My absolute hands down favorite of all of the little things to enjoy, revel and partake in is one that should not be looked down through the nostrils at- for it is not mean or harsh cruel- it is life, and it is best we teach our kids the fun you can have while your heart’s a pounding by scaring the balls off of them. Not literally or anything, ’cause then I couldn’t have grandbabies, but figuratively absolutely YES.
I also don’t mean forcing their miniature asses into a haunted house meant for grown adults and scarring them for life as a bloody clown chases them with a machete down dark corridors, or doing what MY mom did and telling little 6 year old me that if I went to the bathroom alone, Candyman would get me; and I STILL feel bad about taking the kids into the Halloween store over the weekend and watching the pure terror on Parker’s face and fear so intense that he couldn’t even make a sound as a fake monster decorationy thing lunged at him (really that was Thomas’ fault though)..

wait for it….

The kind of scaring I’m talking about is the good ol’ “Hide behind the door, jump out and yell BOO!” kind of scare. Oh to watch them jump and flail their arms like hummingbirds because I got them SO GOOD, and then break into a fit of laughter once they realize it was me- there is not much better than that.
I don’t know what in the world makes it SO damn funny to scare the crap out of a kid- it just IS. Just like peanut butter and chocolate go together perfectly- these unions of awesome simply cannot be explained away with words. You just have to get your ass behind a door, wait for your unexpecting child to walk by and pounce.
There is only so long we can do this before they get old enough to start swinging on us.. or GOD FORBID DOING IT BACK, and WORSE! You’ve seen the shows. The prank shows. Most of them don’t even give out prizes for making mommy’s bladder leak after leaving a gigantic hairy (yet fake) spider in her bed, or hiding behind shower curtains with a Michael Myers mask on.

SCARE THEM NOW! BEFORE IT’S TOO LATE!

’tis the season after all.

Posted on October 22, 2012 by Holdin' Holden 8 Comments
Holdin' Holden

About Holdin' Holden

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8 Comments

  • My son who is 13 still does the most amazing Scooby Doo run when scared!

  • I absolutely love doing this to my boys! It brings me great enjoyment. And then, of course, it’s their turn to “scare” me. This is definitely one of our favorite things to do with/to each other.

  • One day my daughter had the hiccups and I could see her in the bathroom but she didn’t know I could see her and she couldn’t see me. So, I burst through the door with a giant ROAR! Scared the bejeezus out of her but the hiccups were gone. Yay, Mom!

  • They’re never too old. I still do it and my girls are 16 and 10. They still squeal but now they do it back.

  • Spawn 2 got even EARLY. My ex aka the Sperm doner, thought it would be funny to put on a scary mask, hide behind the couch on all fours and jump out at him…..Yea, he probably should have checked which toy Spawn 2 was playing with…it just happened to be one of those METAL John Deere tractor things. you know, the BIG ones…Yep, you guessed it, Ex jumped out, Spawn 2 Screamed like the 2 year old he was and CRACKED the Sperm doner over the head with it!!! Gave him a concussion! All I can think now is, You GO boy!! lol

  • My 6yr old loves to be scared and loves to scare people. He’s mini me!!

  • Absolutely love scaring my 2 boys, (who are 10 & 6). They fully believe that when its foggy outside werewolves come out and there is nothing better than either myself or the Hubby sneaking outside to howl n tap on their bedroom window, that and jumping from behind doors and grabbing ankles causes them to become so butthurt and mad it just makes me laugh harder 🙂 love your blog!