Growing Pains. Calm the hell down Kirk Cameron, this ain’t about you.

Growing up is hard to do. It’s funny, when you’re little- you SO look forward to being an adult because it means money and freedom and no more awkward things growing in awkward places, and having a few days spent looking like MiMi from Drew Carey because you still haven’t gotten the hang of “less is more” and that electric blue is probably not a good color on you. Or anyone for that matter.

I’ll have BOOBS! 

Have you ever seen the movie “13 going on 30”? Where Jennifer Garner (or is it Affleck.. or just professionally Garner now? whatever) is an awkward 13 year old who so desperately wants to be “single 30 and flirty” because it seems like such a cake-walk compared to the terrible teens?
I think all of us have that notion- being a kid is HARD! I can’t wait to be an adult and it’ll be so EASY.

Once you finally hit whatever age it is that you’re finally out on your own- sure, the bills suck- but you don’t have to worry about the same things you did when you were little. The annoying, obnoxious, embarrassing, awkward things. You didn’t have your parents coming down on you for EVERY little thing- you were FREE AT LAST!

And then you procreate. That is when you realize that you were not freed from the worries of childhood. Now you had to deal with them all over again, only in someone else’s shoes. Shit, sometimes dealing with a little kid makes you FEEL like a little kid.

Can we ever really get away from growing pains? I don’t physically mean the pain from your bones growing and your skin stretching (or those bitch-ass stretchmarks it causes)- but the physical and mental growing pains.

Growing up was hard when I was growing up, but now I have to watch MY kids growing up and that is hard. Not on them, on ME! I’m sure once they hit 11, they will feel the burn as I once did, but for now- all of their worry is on my shoulders. Worry they don’t even know they will have yet- that I am just waiting to pass down to them.

Parker is at the age, or has been for the past 3 years anyway, where he forms ridiculous attachments to inanimate objects. Holden was such a f’ing weirdo that he never attached himself to ANYTHING. Seriously, nothing. Taking his binky away was a 2-day process. Getting him to shit in a toilet was a little more difficult but nothing that couldn’t be handled- and he LOVES veggies.

Parker on the other hand… has attached himself to pretty much everything over the years. Most of them he has grown out of, as most kids do- like his “Melmo” (read: annoying as FUCK Elmo doll that would giggle when you shook it), “Dee” (a grungy little beany baby wolf), “Snuggler” (a grungy little bear), his THUMB- eff that thumb and the hand it rode in on.

One might think that his thumb was and is the biggest problem to convince him he is TOO old for- but no. His painful growing pains may have ridded him of a stinky-stuffy attachment, but there is a far stinkier, much larger counterpart. The original stuffy-obsession.
The boppy.

If you haven’t been reading this blog for a while, you may be unaware of his DIE HARD obsession with the boppy. He used to drag it around with him EVERYWHERE, sleep on it… he even used to eat with it around his neck. It was that level of serious. And no matter how much older or more independent or more frustrating he got- he still hung on to that boppy. Even when he found something ELSE to be obsessed with, he was still obsessed with the boppy.

At first you think- ok you can have that. Who is it harming? it calms you down, and it gets you to sleep- YAY FOR THE BOPPY!

Trust me when I tell you:
you don’t want to see the real thing

Then over time it starts to deteriorate. It’s no longer the boppy you once knew- white, with maybe a few spitup stains… but this icky, yellow grimy thing with a tag that’s been worn down to a nub (oh yeah, he loves him some tags too). One day, ALL of the covers you had for it magically disappear- so the yellow grime can no longer be hidden. People come over to your house and bare witness to this horrid display of boppy. The boppy has begun to have a stench, and since the obsession is so strong, it cannot be pried from toddler fingers or HOLY SHIT THE WORLD IS ENDING.

This child, who you have watched grow to the point where they can feed themselves, speak words and effectively communicate with others, run and walk, and manages not to shit their own pants- cannot let go of one STUPID disgusting little thing. Even with the promise of something new and NOT disgusting. Even though the smell is putrid and is starting to make everything else around it stink- he would not loosen his grip.

What gives? Is it all just a part of growing up? I know that as a species we seek comfort- but why does it always seem to come in the form of a ratty, disgusting, stinky stuffed animal, blanket, or pillow? What about poor lonely Mommy over here, completely devoid or receivings of love and affection from her crotch-fruitians?

It’s not just hard to watch our kids grow up, it’s hard to accept that they are growing up into their OWN people who will then find it hard at times.  And just like other people, sometimes they do things we don’t like- but that’s just who they are. As much as we might not necessarily like it, a lot of times we just have to accept it…Unless we can put it in a washing machine until they forget about it, that is.

Posted on October 9, 2012 by Holdin' Holden 1 Comment
Holdin' Holden

About Holdin' Holden


1 Comment

  • I know your pain!!! My son never went through this but my daughter did. The only way we were rid of the boppy was when it was left at the hotel in Disneyland. An accident I sware. But guess what her newest attachment is? Yep…that damn Elmo doll that laughs when you shake it….