My child, the artist. Part Deux: "WTF?" edition

Once a childhood imagination kicks into high gear, and those little hands get coordinated enough to do things OTHER than stuff cheeks full of cheerios like a chipmunk before hibernation- buckle up, because you really have no idea of the level of weird you are in for.

I may not have as many oddball things to write about that come flying out of Holden’s mouth as he becomes more masterful of the English language and what words what go with what objects, but I now have the oddball things that he draws to continually remind me of just how hilariously weird he is. So much weird, in fact, that this is our second installment of what I lovingly refer to as “what the fuck IS that?”
I hope you enjoy these as much as I do on a daily basis.

Can you guess what this one is?
“It’s me, at Disney, pulling the sword from the stone”
Now that you’ve gotten your AWWWWWWWWWs out of the way, let’s move on.
If you’ve ever seen the new Winnie the Pooh movie, 
Holden claims this to be the “Backsoon”, or however they stupidly spell it. 
Someone said this looks like me.
I ought to spork them in the nipple.
He wouldn’t tell me what this is… which can only mean one thing:
It’s an alien taking a purple shit, and it’s surprised about it. Like a surprise shart.
Aliens can shart too.
The child had never seen a spork before in his life, and popped out with this gem right here.
I am thinking the urge to spork people must be hereditary.
And then he drew me 3, because one just ain’t enough y’all. I mean, you might break one off in someone’s nipple, or trip while you’re on a spork-wielding rampage and snap one in half. Holden knows it’s important to be prepared.
You know those little activity books where they show you a picture that’s broken up into squares, and tell you to copy each one to the square it’s assigned to, to get a picture that looks super-dy artisty awesome?
Nailed it

“Spongebob and Patrick on TV!”
Mother of God, even when I ban those fucksticks from ever appearing on the tube again,
they still appear on the tube. I’m cursed.

“It’s an angawer fish!”
ANGLER dear. Angler. And remind me never to go swimming in the ocean EVER the fuck again.
Is that a fish I see in this demon-seed’s stomach? 
I’ll just pretend it’s Spongebob, even if it’s probably me.
Now THIS is more like it!
“It’s SpongeBob and Patrick digging a tunnel under some tractors!”
Aka- It’s SpongeBob and Patrick about to get CRUSHED by some tractors.
This is our puppy. When I questioned why it had no eyeballs, he looked puzzled.
As if he thinks the dog is an alien dog with no eyeballs.
So he made up for it by drawing this:
Which was all well and good until he ruined it by giving it a ‘pecker’ 
and laughing hysterically for 6 minutes.
SPEAKING of peckers (what, you thought you were getting away that easily?)
“This is naked daddy getting peed on!”
Look, I gave birth to the kid, that doesn’t mean I understand the weird that is his brain.
Looks more like a one legged gypsy with a field goal on his head, but that’s just me.
“That’s just Parker kicking a ball”
No, honey. No it isn’t.

Posted on July 10, 2012 by Holdin' Holden 5 Comments
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