It’s time to bring them back: HOLDENISMS!

To this day, for some reason or another- the consensus on the most beloved blogs here of all time have always been the HOLDENISMS blogs. If you’re not familiar with what in the flying fart a Holdenism is- it’s basically the WEIRD shit that came flying out of Holden’s mouth on a regular basis. I mean, he was birthed from my nethers after all- would you expect any different?
Whether it make no sense (which is typical for a toddler) or made complete sense and you wish it didn’t- the kid is and always has been a never ending source of odd.

Unfortunately, due to his mastering of the English language- the Holdenisms as he got older became fewer and farther between, and with him being older (and more a-holey), he- along with his little brother- kept me too busy to remember to write down the times when the hilarity graced my ears once again.

I began missing the Holdenism blogs- so when I could manage to remember, I started once again writing things down- and after yesterday when I read the very last page in my book- a page of the most hilarious Holdenisms – to him, and he laughed SO hard at himself that he was blue in the face (freak)- I decided it was about damn time to bring them back. Of course, they are going to be a little different- age tends to change speech, but I like to think they are just as weird and just as funny.

So buckle up and enjoy!

“I was hiding behind the curtain from ya, Just an FYI”

“Hey! Watch it, ya diaper!”

“Hey BOO, you gave Parker too much veggies!—- I’m just bein’ sarcastic with ya”

“I don’t have hair on my body, but Daddy has HAIR UNDER HIS PECKER. It looks like he has a beard on his pecker!”

“Daddy, your mouth under your chin is spikey- Beard face!”

While hugging:
“Your boobs are touching my nose”
(at least I was bending over or i’d develop a complex)

Conversation. It still haunts me.
Eldest: EW
Me: What?
Eldest: A SPIDER!
Eldest: It’s already dead
Me: Ok, so throw it away
Eldest: No.
Me: Why???
Eldest: because I want it to be a zombie spider
I swear some days that child hates me.

In the middle of dinner, he says angrily:
“I do not like wet doorknobs!”

One night we got chinese food. At the end, of course, came fortune cookies. We’d finished the act of reading them all, but he wanted to hear Parker’s again, which was “Your fortune is as sweet as you”
Holden then yells, loudly:
“Your fortune’s just as sweet as your BUTT!”

Yes… I got a lot of ugly looks.

One day, I took him to a public restroom, a lady a few stalls over was having some… issues. And by issues I mean machine gun poo.
Eldest: I smell something
Me: Shhhhhhh
Eldest: Why are you shushing me?
Me: because it’s rude
Eldest: (in a hushed voice) Ok then, I won’t say that it smells like doodoo

Parker is next to take the isms train. His currently and only?
EVERYTHING right now is “way way tall”- so while he was taking a #2 today, his comment was that he had a “way way WAY tall doodoo!”

Posted on July 27, 2012 by Holdin' Holden 11 Comments
Holdin' Holden

About Holdin' Holden




  • Cute! Aweome that you are immortalizing these for him!

  • LMAO!!! I adore how you blog these. It’ll keep him on his toes if he ever wants to date a girl you don’t like. 😉

  • I am SURE there will be PLENTY!

  • My three year old told me she had a singing vagina….wtf? I need to start a book of isms for her.

  • this blog had me cracking up girl!

  • We have Owenisms at our house! I’ve been writing them down for all of his 6 years. Well maybe he didn’t actually have any in the first 1-2 years. Some are on scrap pieces of paper, wrappers and napkins. There are some great ones. My co-workers used to love to hear the newest Owenisms. My 4 year old is just starting his own as well. It is true as they master the language that they are few and far between. Great Holdenisms.

  • My two year old can’t say truck….she pronounces truck as COCK :/
    We took her dad to work one day (he is a truck driver) my daughter sees him get in his truck and starts yelling at the top of her lungs “wow nice!! Papi BIG COCK!! (truck)
    I immediately closed her window and I am sure his co-workers heard her.
    She is 2
    I cringe every time she sees a truck in public…she thinks it’s her daddy with his big “cock” (truck)

  • Lol my son when he was 2 was picking his nose.
    My mom turned around & caught him… it turned into this
    M (mom) : quit picking your nose
    S (son) : I wasnt I was scratching my face
    M: I saw you! Don’t lie!
    S: go to the doctor you can’t see straight
    M: no I saw you
    S: I guess it was your imagination grandma.
    Mommy grandma is going crazy and seeing stuffs

  • He reminds me of my nephew. When he was that age he told us a story which started with this phrase, “A couple of years ago, when the Earth was young…”

  • Love reading the Holdenisms! Makes me miss when my babies were that young (and sometimes abruptly honest at the most inopportune times!)

  • My daughter once insisted we take a picture of her ginormous poo for daddy. Unfortunately, our devices are linked on the cloud and so he saw it at work while scrolling through his phone looking for his presentation photos. Oops. That was an interesting phone call!