To this day, for some reason or another- the consensus on the most beloved blogs here of all time have always been the HOLDENISMS blogs. If you’re not familiar with what in the flying fart a Holdenism is- it’s basically the WEIRD shit that came flying out of Holden’s mouth on a regular basis. I mean, he was birthed from my nethers after all- would you expect any different?
Whether it make no sense (which is typical for a toddler) or made complete sense and you wish it didn’t- the kid is and always has been a never ending source of odd.
Unfortunately, due to his mastering of the English language- the Holdenisms as he got older became fewer and farther between, and with him being older (and more a-holey), he- along with his little brother- kept me too busy to remember to write down the times when the hilarity graced my ears once again.
I began missing the Holdenism blogs- so when I could manage to remember, I started once again writing things down- and after yesterday when I read the very last page in my book- a page of the most hilarious Holdenisms – to him, and he laughed SO hard at himself that he was blue in the face (freak)- I decided it was about damn time to bring them back. Of course, they are going to be a little different- age tends to change speech, but I like to think they are just as weird and just as funny.
So buckle up and enjoy!
“I was hiding behind the curtain from ya, Just an FYI”
“Hey! Watch it, ya diaper!”
“Hey BOO, you gave Parker too much veggies!—- I’m just bein’ sarcastic with ya”
“I don’t have hair on my body, but Daddy has HAIR UNDER HIS PECKER. It looks like he has a beard on his pecker!”
“Daddy, your mouth under your chin is spikey- Beard face!”
“Your boobs are touching my nose”
(at least I was bending over or i’d develop a complex)
Conversation. It still haunts me.
Eldest: A SPIDER!
Me: So KILL IT
Eldest: It’s already dead
Me: Ok, so throw it away
Eldest: because I want it to be a zombie spider
I swear some days that child hates me.
In the middle of dinner, he says angrily:
“I do not like wet doorknobs!”
One night we got chinese food. At the end, of course, came fortune cookies. We’d finished the act of reading them all, but he wanted to hear Parker’s again, which was “Your fortune is as sweet as you”
Holden then yells, loudly:
“Your fortune’s just as sweet as your BUTT!”
Yes… I got a lot of ugly looks.
One day, I took him to a public restroom, a lady a few stalls over was having some… issues. And by issues I mean machine gun poo.
Eldest: I smell something
Eldest: Why are you shushing me?
Me: because it’s rude
Eldest: (in a hushed voice) Ok then, I won’t say that it smells like doodoo
Parker is next to take the isms train. His currently and only?
EVERYTHING right now is “way way tall”- so while he was taking a #2 today, his comment was that he had a “way way WAY tall doodoo!”
@wildblueME I just don't tell them what I'm making anymore
Winning Advice from an 8-year old goo.gl/fb/MmhfYU
Y'know what's awesome? I don't even have to waste time trying new recipes because my kids will tell me they hate it before I start cooking.
@Julieannefiu I still sing WRAPPED UP LIKE A DOUCHE. I think they're lying about the "real" lyrics
I sang SO many embarrassingly wrong song lyrics with such confidence. pic.twitter.com/Ww5TaAxY3r
@AndreaPerez0217 Not that I'm biased, but I highly recommend ;) Hope you enjoy!
Parenthood: you think it's gonna be all hugs & booboo kisses, but it's really cooking food everyone hates & scraping boogers off of walls.