Holy balls, i’m old

Even though I have been nostril deep planning, putting together, arranging and harassing people to come to my High school Reunion, it didn’t dawn on me until now, the day before- that my TEN year high school reunion is tomorrow.

TEN YEARS, y’all. It’s been TEN YEARS since I graduated high school. Where in the holy hell did the time go?

It’s not like it feels like high school was just yesterday- but when you say out loud that something was an entire DECADE ago, it’s bound to make you feel like you’re as old as a saggy pair of balls.

I get the same feeling about the reunion as I do when I think about how I have two kids. One who is about to start kindergarten, and the other on the verge of his third birthday. The same feeling I get when I think about how i’ve been married for over 5 years now, or that i’ve been above the legal drinking age for 8.

Since the kids were born, time has honestly flown by. Let me clarify- every day feels PAINFULLY HORRIFICALLY BONE SHATTERINGLY LONG… but before you know it another week has passed, another month- and you’re like “what the fuck just happened? Am I Marty Mc-Fucking-Fly and no one told me? Where’s my Delorean?” 

Somehow I still feel like I should be 23- before popping out the first brain-sucking screaming ball-o-baby. And I know you might think ‘well that’s a good thing, you’re only as old as you feel!’- I might even agree with you, if shit would STOP reminding me that I am my age, and certain things make me feel even older than my age. Duh, 28 isn’t old, whine whine whine- I know all of that. I’m aware. Sometimes life just wants you to feel like a decrepit old lump though. You WANT to feel like this hot young thang, and maybe you still are hot- but you aren’t young. Not according to some people, maybe, like me- not according to yourself.

Kids look to you as “old”, they call you “ma’am”- not out of respect but out of age. TEENAGERS think you’re old. Someone calls you MOM. You can refer to having kids as “years ago.”  You’re attending your high school reunion (and we’re not talking about that dumb 5 year crap)! OLD!

I describe this whole situation to myself and all I hear is “old”

I have to get a sitter for my two children so that my husband and I can attend a semi-formal event.

UGH! What about that DOESN’T sound old to you?

I’m well aware that as time passes, it’s only going to get worse, and i’m only going to feel older. The first homework, first test, first graduation, first kiss, first girlfriend, first call home from the teacher. My birthdays as I go up and up and up in age. I’ve already got the gray hair and wrinkles, the bad back and bones that won’t stop cracking, stress headaches, and i’ve even muttered more times than I care to admit “I need to stop and take a rest.”

Of course- DUH- I enjoy (and hate) watching my children get older, all the new things they do. I might not like my age ticking by, but I am enjoying the life experiences it might bring- just not the OLD shit it brings with it. Get the fuck out!

So maybe tomorrow… at this *gulp* reunion, i’ll be having a blast, forgetting my age and how none of us are young stupid children anymore (some of us are old stupid adults. Derp)- but for tonight? I’m going to crawl into a vat of wrinkle cream and gray-covering hair dye and pray to stars to trip over the fountain of youth in my formal attire.

What makes YOU feel supremely old- other than your age?

Posted on July 13, 2012 by Holdin' Holden 7 Comments
Holdin' Holden

About Holdin' Holden



  • an invitation to my 50 year class reunion…Yikes!!!! also watching my children and grands getting older…aches and pains…but my mind is still young and so is my outlook on life….

  • Goddamn Guns N’ Roses. They’re considered “Classic Rock”….really?!?!?! I remember Paradise City WHEN IT CAME OUT. FML.

  • Walking into effing Hollister! I can’ hear, I can’t see, the smell gives me a headache, which really sucks, because the perfume is the only friggen thing that fits me!

  • When my TEENAGE kid said “Mom, I love this new song!”… it was Eminem, and he sampled Aerosmith… and my kid didn’t know who Aerosmith was.
    Things wrong with this: I have a teenage kid. Who likes Eminem. And doesn’t even KNOW Aerosmith.

  • This month makes 15, yes I said FIFTEEN years since I graduated high school. It’s insane to think that when my daughter turns 6 and my unborn son turns 5, I will be looking at my 20 year reunion. Time definitely flies after you have kids.

  • That I’m halfway to fucking being 50! Maybe young to most people but to me its as chilling as a death knell). I freaked out for a month thinking; where the hell did the time go? How the frick did I get here? Oh and why did I come into this room again? No kids yet so I just don’t have an excuse

  • Yep. I’m 16 years post graduation. Turn 35 this year. Have a real problem with this upcoming birthday. Have a 13 and 10 year old. W.T. F?!?!?!