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An open letter to a friend

Dear friend,

I know right now it feels like your world is caving in on top of you and that there is no way out, but i’m here to tell you there is.

You are a good person, to your core, who is loved and loves openly in return, and I know at times that has gotten you hurt and makes you question ever opening yourself up again, ever taking chances on anything uncertain in result- I understand.

I would love to take the pain away, to make it easier for you to move past it, to show you that things will be ok, but I can’t. I would love to convince you not to beat yourself up over what has happened, but I know that you will, and that you will try time and time again to find a way to blame yourself- because that is how open and caring you are to everyone around you, no matter what. Always trying to take it all upon yourself. I would love not to fill you full of cliched overused lines, but you really WILL be stronger at the end of this, and it will not kill you. Good things really DO come to those who wait (and especially those who fight for it), and this too SHALL pass.

When it feels like there is a GIGANTIC man sitting on your chest who just won’t get off and let you breathe in deeply and EXHALE, really exhale, – words don’t mean a whole hell of a lot. They can’t mend a heart, or wipe away tears, and sometimes the truth can be hard to hear. When we’re falling apart inside, we don’t want to hear any words other than the ones that tumble around inside of our heads.
This is it. I can’t do this. It’s over. I can’t take it. I can’t make it through this
And the last thing you want someone to say to you is STOP. Just stop.
You want to wallow, you want to feel like it’s all really over, but to feel better all at the same time. I’ve been there. I’ve felt that. I’ve wanted to smack the hell out of anyone who bugged me about how I was feeling or how I was doing or asked me if I wanted to talk.
Looking back, I realize the ones who asked, the ones who bugged and annoyed me were the ones who actually cared.

What I wanted was an instant ‘cure’ to all the crap I was feeling. I wanted it to go away. I wanted it NEVER to have happened, but being realistic, none of that can happen.
We can’t go back, we can’t change the past, and we can’t just unbreak what has been broken. And I know it’s going to make you want to smack me for telling you that the “cure” is time. Time and perseverance. And I know you don’t want to wait, you don’t want to push, you don’t want to be strong. Maybe because you don’t think you can be, or you don’t think you have it left in you, or you think that you’ve finally used the last of all the strength you once had- but that’s not true.

You shouldn’t have to go through this. I agree it isn’t fair. It’s not right, and it seems like karma seriously got her wires crossed along the way, but it is what it is as much as we don’t want it to be and now it’s time to push forward like I know you can. I know this, because I know you.

One thing, no matter how big, how devastating, how small, how painful- will NOT keep you down, because you have more to live for than that. More to get, more to give, more to see, more to feel, more to do. And you deserve ALL of those things. Even if things get bad, ugly, terrible, they make the things that aren’t bad ugly or terrible that much more fantastic and amazing. And trust me, I know that isn’t what you want to hear- and i’m sorry. I don’t feel sorry for you, but I am sorry.

Even with all this crap that I said that I wish I could do for you, there are a few things I won’t.
I won’t tell you to suck it up or get over it, I won’t tell you to shut up or that i’m tired of listening to it. I won’t tell you to move on or let it go or really anything else obnoxious, because I believe in getting it out. As long as that out may take, it needs to get out, because keeping it in does a hell of a lot more harm than good. You might maim someone with a plastic utensil, and that wouldn’t end well for anyone.

So feel it. Throw things, or don’t throw things- try not to throw things at people. Yell, scream, text message furiously, e-mail, call. I will be here. And you WILL be ok. Even if it takes a while, you will be.

Posted on June 19, 2012 by Holdin' Holden 28 Comments
Holdin' Holden

About Holdin' Holden

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28 Comments

  • I just wanted to say thanks for that letter, even though is wasnt for me, it made me feel a bit better. The thing that makes it hard for me is im doing it alone, i dont have friends or family. Being raised in fostercare, and passed around from 17 different fosterhome, i never made friends, and the ones i do have always hurt me.. So thanks again for giving me hope, because im starting to think im this big joke and everyone but me is laughing..

  • Wow, even though I know this wasn’t written for me, it touched me as though it was. Thanks 🙂

  • Jennifer- Life is a bitch, really it is. A wonderful amazing thing, but a bitch. Forge your own way and as hard as it is, don’t give two shits about what anyone else thinks. Honestly! I’m so much happier now that I don’t put as much weight into what other people think of me. As cliched as it is, you are you and THAT is what is special.
    Rachel- <3

  • This. This, this, this is what I needed to read today. I just wanted to say thanks for posting this. I know so many people need to hear this and whoever you wrote this for is very lucky to have you in their corner. Life fucking sucks sometimes. But, you are right. In time, things get better, or easier to handle. I don’t know what your friends are going through, but I hope that they find the hope again. <3

  • Damn you for making me cry!!! But thank you at the same time. I needed it.

  • Thank you so much for posting this. I am facing a life altering decision right now, and have no friends to turn to for support. I will read and re-read this post many times in the future, I’m sure.

  • Well done my friend. Very well done. <3

  • WOW! Yeah, it wasn’t for me but I really needed that! After 10 years and 2 children I fear my marriage may be coming to an end! Thank you from the bottom of my heart for sharing this with us!!

  • Thanks for this lovely post! I’ll look back at it when I’m having a rough day. Since the death of my baby daughter I often get “one of those days” and this will help me get through it. Thanks again! x

  • I am going to send this to my younger sister. She has had such a hard time since our dad passed away. I too have had a hard time but I made it through. I think this letter will help my little sister. Thank you for writing it.

  • It seems this is exactly what we all needed to read.

    You have a beautiful soul.

    I hope this post touched whoever it was meant for.

  • Yep…just like everyone else. It wasn’t for me but just what I needed to hear! Thanks 🙂

  • I feel it was meant for me!! Thank you!! A dear friend sent it to me and I will keep it close and also share!! Share you so much!!

  • This could have been written for me as well…right. now. I am facing what I thought I would never face. Half scared, half blessed. But freaked out and HURTING. I can barely look at the kids without crying. Its too much. I know that in the end, it will be ok. I believe that. My fear is getting there…having sacrificed everything to raise his young family added onto my older family…being part SAHM and part substitute teacher…I have no way to support myself. Yet, he is walking away. I don’t want to babble and I am sorry. I am one of those people who bottle it up until its shaken up and bursts out. I’m bursting and currently having the kids hide ALL plastic utensils.

    Thank you! For being honest, for being kind and for being you.

  • This could have been written for me. I can’t blog about what I’m going through but it’s hard and thankless and sometimes I feel like I can’t keep going on. Thanks for posting this.

  • Just got kicked in the ass by my depression and anxiety right smack in the middle of a deployment. New meds, a week off from my kids and READING THIS is just what I needed. Thank you.

  • I am literally in tears right now after reading this… Life has been kicking me so hard while I’ve been down, it’s getting really really hard to pick myself back up again. Each time, I’m down a little longer. Thank you for this, it was exactly what I needed to hear today.

  • Wow, that really hit home. Thanks 😉

  • Thank you for posting this! It was touching and I’m am going to re-post because I have a few friends this would touch as well and it is so hard to say the right things and this helps. Thank you again <3

  • Deb From Colorado May 13, 2013 at 12:11 pm

    I have a daughter who needs to hear this. I have been through a lot in my life but continually believe that things will get better. But my daughter seems to have a dark cloud over her life and needs to see this, because I have said some of the same things to her but it does not seem to help coming from me, maybe.
    Thanks for sharing this!

  • thank you, this was perfect today

  • Though this was not written for or about me it has hit me as though it was. Thank you for your inspiration.

  • Wow!! Sage advice from such a young one! Thank you, even though it is hard to believe at the moment, I know these things are true.

  • Wow! That is a very powerful message! I needed that to get me through some tough stuff..your blogs are very insightful! I love reading them 🙂

  • Thank you for re-blogging this! I am, unfortunately, someone who needs this right now. If I could figure out how to make my printer work (lol), I would print and post this.

  • This. This is EXACTLY what I needed to read. Thank you for reposting it today. Thank you.