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I am a bad friend

I am a bad friend. It’s true, I can’t deny it. Not in the standard definition of the word, though.

I do not ignore my friends for my own selfish reasons. I don’t make promises I have no intentions of keeping, or say i’ll be somewhere and never show up. I don’t blab secrets or spread false rumors. It’s not that I don’t care or am using people when I seem to stop talking to them. I don’t get tired of someone and just write them off. I’ve never stolen someone’s boyfriend or broken up a relationship for no reason other than that I could. I didn’t fall in love with your brother or use you to get to him, and I never got mad when anyone liked mine (though I did question their levels of taste). I don’t peer pressure, or judge anyone because they do things I wouldn’t necessarily do. I don’t make excuses for not going out that aren’t true.
Hell, it’s not even because I just don’t care enough to make the effort that friendship deserves. I do.

I am a bad friend because I have kids. And no, I do not blame them- as it was my choice to have them.
I still try my best to be there for anyone who needs me, to stand up for someone if they need back up, to be a shoulder for them to cry on- but I can’t drop everything in a moment’s notice and run to someone’s side anymore. I can’t always make phone calls, answer phone calls, talk for more than a few minutes at a time, or at all. Sometimes I can’t even respond to texts.
If someone wants to make plans, I can’t always make them because the schedule doesn’t work out, or I don’t have anyone to watch the kids- it’s not that I don’t want to.
I can’t stay up late at night talking- not because I have work in the morning, but because I have people who depend on me to do the things they can’t do for themselves, and there’s no calling in for that.
I’d love to keep in better contact, but most of the time with everything going on just contained in the 4 walls of my home- I forget.
Sure, i’d invite you over- but the warning always has to be that we won’t be alone or we can’t be loud. I wish I could come to your party, but it’s right in the middle of the bed time routine and it wouldn’t really be fair to leave the husband to do that on short notice.
It’s not that your spontaneous invitation to go to the movies, or to get coffee, or to go here or there isn’t appreciated. It isn’t that I wouldn’t love to go- it’s that my life just doesn’t work that way anymore.

So no, i’m not a bad friend because i’m BAD at being a friend. I’m a bad friend because I made a choice when I popped out my offspring to put them first. 99.9% of the time, and occasionally that makes me suck. I can apologize for it, I can explain it until i’m blue in the face- but it’s not going to change for a long time i’m afraid. I’m not a bad friend by choice, but because I haven’t been able to physically stretch myself that thin. I’m sure others have mastered the art of time management- i’m still a work in progress.

And I have this feeling that any good friend would understand that.

Posted on June 1, 2012 by Holdin' Holden 13 Comments
Holdin' Holden

About Holdin' Holden

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13 Comments

  • I totally understand b/c I am right there with you! Great job!

  • Or the other way around…ppl you thought were ur friends dropped you like a hot plate after you had kids.

  • Oh pretty much all of mine did. This is sort of tongue in cheek, but also honest. depending on how you read it

  • First of all, you are NOT a bad friend. Even though we are hundreds of miles apart so the issue of meeting up or hanging out has never come up, you have PROVEN over and over that you ARE a great friend. One who’s willing to be there through silliness and disaster. Second, if anyone else thinks otherwise, spork them. I’ll loan you my golden, bedazzled spork necklace. GREAT post!!

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  • Very well said! And I 2nd NASAIL & STFU: you’re not a bad friend, you’re not a good friend, you’ve been a GREAT friend. I am right there with you, esp on the phone thing. Thank goodness for texting / voicemail, lol

  • Wow this one really hit home for me! I’m in the same boat!!

  • It really becomes hard to make and maintain friendships once their are kids involved. Then there has to be husband time too.
    Well said.

  • You’re not being a bad friend, you are being a GOOD MUMMY and your realy friends will see that and they will understand! I was the last one of my circle to have kids and theirs are all out and about now whereas mine is just 2 doh! So I went and found some other toddler mums to be friends with lol!! (just kidding, I just have MORE friends now!) x

  • Bad friend you are not, your my friend and I dont think your bad at all.

    If your a bad friend then Im a bad friend because of my kids.

    And ya know I will never be sorry for putting my kids first. EVER, and you shouldnt be either. <3

  • Oh I don’t think I REALLY am 😉 It was more a tongue in cheek “you think i’m a bad friend but really i’m being a good parent” deal

  • Wish my friend understood this.