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Finding perfection in imperfection thanks to internet a-holes.

If you read this blog on a slightly regular basis, really if you’ve read this blog once- it’s pretty clear that I have a Facebook “Fan” Page (and yes, I hate that word)- hell, it’s screaming at you from the left sidebar right now.

I started the page a little under a year ago to help promote this blog, and the book, and to have a place to put the random shit that goes on in my brain that doesn’t quite fit anywhere else, but in my humble opinion is still funny enough to be snorted at by someone OTHER than me.
Basically the page is whatever I want, whenever I want- and with the whatever and whenever can come people who don’t always agree.
That is absolutely nothing new. I had people who thought that my opinion was the exact opposite of funny and therefore I was a product of the DEBIL HIMSELF and should have NEVER HAD KIDS since long before I ever created a Facebook page. I even dedicated a part of my book to that mess.

So when trolls came-a-trollin’ my shiny new page, I didn’t find myself all that surprised. The internet is a vast and wide place full of people with completely differing opinions, some who are respectful of others, and some who choose to disrespect everyone and everything that happens to not be the way they see it, and the need to do it loudly. Those are always fun people to deal with!

As a general rule, after everything i’ve been through, when it comes to assholes, douchebags, and condescending bitches on the internet- I ignore. And on my page? I ban them. No patience for that bullshit- we all have enough going on, what with having to take care of our children and our bills and every other little stress that gets tossed our way once we attempt to become productive members of society, why waste time on idiots? Occasionally one gets away from me, but for the most part I like to think it is a drama free zone.

Still, having a page with a decent number of people following it, and you become exposed to all different kinds of people.
Personally- if your child is happy and healthy and not impeding on the health and happiness of mine for extended periods of time- I could not give two shits less what you do. Not my business, not my place, and i’m not you. End of story.
Other people, a LOT of other people, do not see things that way. And that is when we come to a picture and a message I feel should be addressed, because it pisses me the fuck off. People piss me the fuck off.

Now, personally… I thought it was hilarious.
Obviously it’s staged, it isn’t even in a supermarket. It’s in a craft store- and how, pray tell, would anyone capture an image like this of a mom dealing with rambunctious kids without getting their camera smashed?
But that’s beside the point. The point is that I posted this without a second though, because I laughed. The message of this photo, to me, was not that her kids are “out of control”- but that sometimes you need a break even if that means just going to the STORE by yourself. What is exciting about the store? Nothing is exciting about the store. But the store, WITHOUT KIDS, seems like a damn vacation when you’ve been dealing with them nonstop.
This image went viral. For over 24 hours I dealt with the landslide of comments I got because of this photo. And some of them disturbed me enough to where I felt like I needed to write a blog about it.
This is why people shouldn’t have so many kids
Well if you’d discipline your kids, this would never happen
She should have closed her legs after 2!
My kids would NEVER do this! They know better!
MY KIDS NEVER MISBEHAVE IN STORES! I TAUGHT THEM RIGHT!
It just went on and on and ON. Criticisms and hatefulness toward the mother in this picture, other peoples parenting styles (or according to the comments, lack thereof), other people commenting. Just really ugly shit. In under 24 hours I banned more people and hid more comments than I have in the entire year i’ve had the page. Yes, it was that bad.
Not much pisses me off to the point of having to blog about it (I like to stick with the funny)- but this did.
Let’s just take a step fucking back- Judgy McJudgersons, shall we?
What, exactly, is the RIGHT way to parent? And if this picture were real, what the fuck gives YOU the right to tell her she’s doing anything wrong? Is she hauling off and beating her children senseless in public (some people did suggest that was the correct way to respond to this)? No? She just has unruly kids…
AND?!
WHAT IS YOUR POINT?
What if she was just having an off day? What, you’ve never had one? One where your kid/s is/are just going balls to the wall absolutely batshit crazy and nothing you do can calm them down? A day where they are monsters and you HAVE to go to the store or you’ll all starve and the only option is to take them regardless of how misbehaved? Why jump to conclusions immediately based on ONE picture, based on one isolated incident? Not EVERY parent with a misbehaved kid, or every kid with an angry parent is an awful combination destined to destruct.
You’re telling me that your child is well behaved ALL THE TIME and NEVER acts out? EVER? No public tantrums, no back-talk, no whining or crying or stomping of the feet?Bullshit. Either bullshit or your kid is so terrified of you that they are subservient.
Here’s the reality, MY reality, whether you agree or not:
HOW can you expect children to be perfectly behaved? They are KIDS! They are learning and growing and feeling emotions they don’t understand and dealing with problems they haven’t learned how to deal with. They are tired, hungry, cranky- and unlike an adult, they don’t know how to cope. They have to be taught. And who is there to teach them? US. But why FORCE that on them so hard? WHY?
Kids should be allowed to be KIDS! It doesn’t matter how well behaved, perfect, quiet, reserved, amazing, smart, disciplined they are- they ALL have bad days. Every single one of them. It doesn’t matter how AWESOME of a parent you are, or if you think you are doing absolutely EVERYTHING right, there are going to be days where nothing goes that way. Period. It happens. To ALL of us. Why is that so frowned upon?
Yes, discipline them. OF COURSE. Teach them good manners. Teach them to be respectful, loving, caring, compassionate. Abso-fucking-lutely. But do not EXPECT them to be ALL of these things ALL the time. Why? I’ll say it again- THEY ARE KIDS. They need TIME, experience, nurturing, understanding. They’re going to have off days, they might even have an off YEAR- but if we don’t let them learn from their mistakes, and instead force them to be perfect little robot children- then how in the hell will they ever have FUN and GROW into amazing people able to make their own decisions and show compassion and caring and understanding for their children when the time comes? Do we really want to teach the future generation to talk DOWN to other people like they are stupid pieces of shit? Is that the kind of people we want our children to be, instead of the kind that will support and lift someone else up even if they don’t necessarily agree?
Isn’t childhood supposed to be about having FUN? Don’t you look back at your childhood and remember doing stupid shit like spinning in circles until you puked, running around and screaming like a crazy person just because you could, splashing in mud puddles?
If you don’t have those memories of a carefree fun childhood, I feel sorry for you. Honestly, I do, because those memories, and the fact that my mother encouraged me to express myself- but still put my ass in its place when I fucked up TOO badly (even though at times I did not listen) shaped the person I am today.
There is loose, and completely out of control. There is punishing, and being COMPLETELY overbearing.
Just because you see a kid acting like a complete asshole in the store- that doesn’t tell you the entire story. That doesn’t make the parent a “BAD MOM!”
Do you know this woman? Have you met her? Have you been around her on multiple occasions and seen how her child acts every moment of every day? No??
THEN SHUT THE FUCK UP. Who asked you?
You have no room to talk. No place to judge or say anything- and that isolated incident does NOT make you a “better” parent than her, and it doesn’t mean that she is raising the future inmates of America.
This is another case of the “Perfect Parent”– who is so much better than everyone else in every way shape and form and if you don’t do things exactly the way they do- you suck at life and are not fit to raise children,and i’m honestly just sick of it. Take care of your OWN kids like you claim you are doing nonstop and all that helicoptering has resulted in the perfect offspring, and stop wasting all this time you claim you don’t have shitting on everyone else.
If you have the need to be a hateful, condescending, judgmental twatburger- do everyone a favor and keep it to yourself. Parenting is hard enough without adding a load of bullshit to the top of the tower.
What in the hell is so wrong with being IMPERFECT? I mean, really? If we were all the perfect parents with the perfect children… where would the beauty that is being unique be? What would attract us to each other if we were all exactly the same? What would make us special? Nothing. Why would I want that? I don’t.
I’ll be the first to admit it- my kids aren’t perfect…because they are KIDS; and I allow them to be that- tempter tantrums, back-sass, whining and all. And I love them for it, for ALL of it, even the bad annoying obnoxious shit I wish they wouldn’t do. It’s not a lack of parenting, it’s kids being kids.
They aren’t perfect, and neither am I… and I just think there’s something perfect about that imperfection and the ability to embrace it.
Posted on June 5, 2012 by Holdin' Holden 45 Comments
Holdin' Holden

About Holdin' Holden

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45 Comments

  • Well done! There are no perfect parents, just delusional parents.

  • Kudos! Bravo! And all the other “yea!!” words! One of the best blog posts I’ve ever read.

  • You know what? I taught my kids too….but I have still left full carts in the middle of the checkout at Walmart because one of my two (at the time) decided to throw a rare fit. It’s those parents who think their kids would never behave that way who end up with a 15 year old pregnant daughter or a son in juvie.

  • Couldn’t agree with you more! Sometimes a trip to the bathroom is like a mini vacation in my house! My kids are the definition of crazy tiny hurricanes! They are almost always ridiculous in form or fashion. I don’t hold it against them they are kids for Christ sake! Do I get evil looks in the store when the decide to misbehave. Sure I do. I just look at them and ask, “You want some too?!” I’ve made my fair share of mistakes and I am far from perfect but my kids are good kids. Crazy but good. I wouldn’t trade them for anything. As for people who choosse to bash on you for having a little fun or venting a little…I say ” Get in line, Free vagina punching starts now!” Hang in there.

  • My mind is utterly blown that people actually were offended, enraged, and/or losing their fucking minds over this?! How could any mom NOT find this hilarious? I laughed and never thought twice about it when it popped up on my news feed. People. Are. So. Stupid.

  • Very well said! I laughed my ass off when you posted the photo but I had no idea people got crazy over it. No parent is perfect and no kid is perfect. And like you said, as long as you are not hurting your kids or anyone else, I could give a rats ass about what you are doing.

  • As soon as I saw the picture I laughed because it’s so true then I cried because everytime I got an hour to drive to the store and back (it takes that long to get to one and back) by myself I ALWAYS frickin feel guilty for not bringing them. Damn those other perfect parents out there!
    Thanks for writing a blog about your comments. They were pretty cruel.

  • Hands down the best damn blog I have EVER read and YOU said everything I have ever thought or felt!!!! I raised two that were wonderful nearly everywhere we went. I have two now that are polar opposites but received the same punishments as the others. They are nightmares from hell and I have the pills to prove it.I hesitate to comment on a lot of stuff because of the people you described. I have been attacked in so many different ways that for awhile I was beginning to believe that I shouldn’t be alive. THANK YOU for being ballsy enough to say what we all think and feel!!!

  • For the record, that picture is indeed hilarious!

  • Standing ovation…
    I think laughing at this sort of situation (if even out of sheer empathy) is all one has left in a way to react…and my first kid still has about 4 months of incubating left to do…
    Personally (staged or not) seeing mothers who’s kids may be having that nap fighting shit fit all at the same time and all in public with the mother holding her own shit together only makes me hope I can conjure that amount of patience when my time comes.

  • Exactly! If anything, her patience should be COMMENDED! Not frowned upon for “not controlling” her kids

  • What the WHAT? Seriously, people went all Judgey McJudgey about that picture?

    Oh, hell, I don’t want to know what they’d think of me. Or my kids. Or my blog.

    Geez o MAN!

    -JD @ Honest Mom

  • WELL SAID!!!! I couldnt agree more and could not have said it better myself! Amen sista! -Bipolar Mama

  • well said…i must agree. i wanted to add that NO ONE is perfect even adults and when you let your asshat show, i say mean nasty things that are more than anything truthful and then block them bahahahaha

  • well said…i must agree. i wanted to add that NO ONE is perfect even adults and when you let your asshat show, i say mean nasty things that are more than anything truthful and then block them bahahahaha

  • A-freakin-men! I think I love you, lol. That picture could have been me at wal-mart just a couple weeks ago. When all 4 of my kiddos decided that going to wal-mart would be the perfect time to have a complete freakin melt down. Shit happens, they are children, and I still love them! And all those nay sayers that give me god awful looks when that shit happens, should know that I am not that bad of a mommy, because the only reason I am not going off on you for looking at me like that is because I do not want my children to see me actin a fool.

  • People need to get the fluff over themselves. I personally found the picture HILARIOUS and find your page/blog to be the same!

  • Can I give you “the best post ever” award? You have said it well.. and as a mom who has a special needs kid.. OMG I love this post.. ok that’s all 🙂

  • I love your stuff HH, you are on the money nearly all the time with the way I think, beautifully written here, way to word what the majority feel/think; just one thing — marry me xxx

  • Now THAT is a blog! I will never forget the day my oldest was having a melt down through an entire shopping trip and I had a teenager in line ahead of us at checkout comment to her friend “If I had acted like that as a kid, my ass would have been beat!” Yeah. Me too. However, as much as I wanted to pop my kid on the butt for being a demon, its not exactly acceptable to discipline your kids anymore. So it’s lose, lose. Kids have bad days and take you down in the flames. I loved the pic and giggled when I saw it. I would love to know how much time these “perfect” kids spend with their parents because I don’t know a single mom that hasn’t had a bad day. Keep doing what you do sister. You can’t please everyone.

  • I’m laughing my ass off at the pic and how true it is. I’ve taught my kids how to behave, I expect them to behave but to think that this hasn’t been me a time or 10 is a joke. All kids act like completely untrained heathens at some point

  • My daughter had the world’s greatest meltdown because we tried to get her to enter a Dairy Queen that had ceiling fans spinning on full-speed. We ended up just leaving before we placed our order because she was so crying so hard. She has autism. Not everything is always as it seems.

  • Funny pic I don’t have kids nor will I ever but I certainly will NEVER tell someone they aren’t parenting properly. That’s rude! But very well written and BRAVO!

  • Yep. I love you. But you already knew that. I wish I could stay as calm as the mother in that picture when all 5 of mine are melting down at the same time…..

  • What can I say that hasn’t already been said by the fine commenters before me? Seeing this photo in the blog made me lmao AGAIN! Anyone who is a parent knows exactly how that feels …. and I’ve only got the ONE kid!

    Very fab post.

  • The morons that crop up on the internet continue to surprise me on a daily basis (especially the ones that take ANYTHING you post seriously or cry photoshopped – seriously?! No shit sherlock!)

    I have 5 kids and going to the store without them (hell, going anywhere) without them is a vacation. Let’s face it, I’d be happy to be able to pee with the door closed. x

  • OMG…. You mean your kids act like… like… KIDS what is wrong with you!!
    Kids are made to push limits and test boundaries it is how they learn about the world. When someone tells me there kids are perfect I tell them they must also lack intelligence.

  • My teen and preteen still suck in stores where they don’t sell booty shorts or yoga pants with writing across the ass! Love your blog!

  • It is obnoxious to me that people think that children can be somehow controlled, as if there was some magic button to make my kids stop throwing a fit and I was just refusing to press it. Sometimes, if not all the time, children are going to do what they are going to do. They are like people that way.

  • Well stated. No one not kids not parents are well behaved every day. I too thought the pic was funny.

  • I. LOVE. YOU. Well done! The goal is to make them just dysfunctional enough to be fun. (.:

    That is EXACTLY how it is. A kid can be a angel 99% of the time, but the armchair child psychologists base it on the 1% they see.

  • Hahaha! You should share this blog entry with a stupid ass facebook page called “Medical Advice for Bad Moms”
    …I love you. You always say it right.

  • People would have a conniption at what I did once, had they seen it. I told my 2 kids under no uncertain terms were they to ask for anything when we went into the grocery store. I was picking up such and such and that was IT! We weren’t in there 5 minutes and my daughter is standing by cereal she wants. She was 8. When I told her to come on, she stands there and says I want such and such cereal and I said I told you no. She wouldn’t move, so I grabbed her shirt to move her, and she runs herself backwards and throws herself on the floor and yells “YOU PUSHED ME!” I picked her up, swatted her ass a few times and said “Now, I busted your butt!” And we left the store without another problem, lol.

  • I have 4. All 8 and under, and I’ve seen MANY days like this. You know what, though, I’ve also had people actually give me CASH for them being so well behaved other times. Kids are kids. They do what they do. And no matter how “perfect” you are, they will always find a way to screw it up. GREAT post!!!

  • AMEN!!

    My 1st thought when looking at that pic was that she has WAY more patience than I do & was keeping cool in a beastly moment.

    And, I don’t care how perfect Mrs. Perfect’s kids are, there will be a moment – even briefly – when all 2 or 3 or 6 of the kids you got will all act up together. The baby starts whining cuz she’s tired, then the toddler’s constant questions get louder to be heard over the baby, then the school-age or pre-teen gets annoyed with his siblings and starts in, etc.
    Even perfect little angels will have THAT moment, and it WILL be when you’re out of milk and HAVE TO be in the store.
    And, for a lot of families, it’s just that – a moment, might seem like hours, but then it’s over.

    I once had this prudish shriveled-up, bright-red bad dye-job gave me a disgusted look and ask, “What is WRONG with your KID?”
    If I hadn’t been so busy picking my jaw up off the floor, I woulda punched her in her waddled neck. The shock even shut my screeching kid up.

    Why let someone else’s hard time get you all panty-bunched?? FU judgy bitches!

    Thank you.

  • could not agree more! i have 2 boys 4 and 7 and some days are just OMG! lol

  • It is parents that criticise other parents that have kids that bully because they are taught from a young age that it is ok. Then when their child does something wrong the parent comes.flying to the rescue and the child never learns to respect other people and to be kind. So sad! Love your blog and commend you for speaking what many of us would love to say but aren’t ballsy enough.

  • HECK YEAH MAMA! Keep on keepin on.

  • I always used to love Saturday mornings when my kids were young so that I could go to the market alone. My friends would complain about grocery shopping and I would say I love shopping. that was my alone time! Great blog! People need to stop judging, especially when it is none of their damn business.

  • MommaKnowsBest May 19, 2013 at 8:44 pm

    I read this blog before! It was long before I started Momma Knows Best and the blog with it, so I felt it prepared me for the backlash (THANK YOU!!) Luckily I have not banned anyone and only one picture (an obese woman with spongebob outfit) compaint Had a few losses who quietly left lol I love your page and blog VERY VERY MUCHO
    LEXI DELANEY

  • Could not have been said better! Nothing irritates me more than seeing all the perfect assholes out there on Facebook, judging. I think my kids are well behaved, in fact a lot
    Of kids I see in public, I think…thank god my kids are my kids. But I have kids that are almost 3 and 4 and an 8 y/o (who will behave in stores and everywhere for that matter). This is what I look when I try to take the two little ones. One can be listening and behaving like an angel and all it takes is for the other one to get a wild hair to do something crazy and bam, totally chaos. They feed off of each other. Sometimes it’s hard for me as a parent to remember they Are just being kids, cause your so damn worried about what everyone else is thinking. Most times I enjoy the peace and quiet and go alone. But if you are always leaving your kids at the house how wi they learn to act right in public? Everyone needs to pull the sticks out of their asses and smile every once in awhile.

  • Thank you for this. Judgy moms are my biggest pet peeve. We are all doing our best and need to support one another in the world’s most difficult job, not cutting others down so we can feel better about our own parenting styles. Judgy people are assholes – not that I’m judging . 🙂

  • I mentally add; going to the laundromat, doctor, post office, etc.
    I’ve had grandmotherly types encourage me in my stance of not giving in to the tantrum, suggest that it might be naptime, or simply run to hold open the door when I was wheeling my shrieking angel out of the store. I’ve never noticed any condemning stares because I was too busy keeping my cool with my kid. A loud “who the fck do you think you’re talking to?” will convince all but the craziest busy-body to step the heck off. The rest get what I won’t do to any child 😉

  • For whatever it means to you……….I thought the picture was hilarious. I laughed so hard as I remembered the days when my son was that age and yes, it was a vacation to be allowed to go to the grocery store alone. Or anywhere alone…..