I am exhausted. Completely, totally, want to spork someone in the eye upon being dragged out of bed by a 2 year old who won’t stop yelling “MOMMYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY” in my face, they should take scientific research on how I am still in a vertical position, I really shouldn’t be blogging because I can’t form a coherent sentence, exhausted.
I make no secret that Tuesday nights are drinking nights. WHY? WHY do I have Mommy Juice Tuesday? Well, because I believe that us Moms, stay at home or working- need a damn BREAK. If we can’t get OUT of the house- the break should be IN the house, right?
Something to break up the monotony. Something to just relax with, have a good time- even if our asses are still firmly planted on the couch, per usual.
I am a responsible adult. I know my limits. There’s another responsible adult in the house. I never see an issue with some Tuesday night mommy-juicin’ it up.
I never see an issue until the next morning. There is no sleeping in, calling out, faking sick (or not faking, depending), or conking out at your desk praying no one notices. Someone is ALWAYS there to notice, and those someones are kids.
Aww yeah, no matter how much you want to shirk the responsibility- you can’t. They need to be fed and watched and made sure they’re not breaking anything of value, or gluing their own hands together, or taking scissors to the curtains, or punching each other in the face.
While all our bodies crave is to just curl up into the fetal position and cram Taco Bell into our bellies- that shit ain’t gonna happen
Getting my hair done today! Honestly more excited that my husband has to pick up the kids from school than I am about a fresh 'do
17 Stupidly Impossible Things our Kids Think we can do that we… well… can’t. goo.gl/fb/RrkM47
The fact that this is accurate for my life means it's finally happened: I've become my mother. pic.twitter.com/xrIGOoM5Q9
Vacation season is upon is! This is just your friendly reminder that trips with kids are NOT vacations. holdinholden.com/2016/03/vaca…
If you've ever dreamed of having a smaller, angrier version of yourself that you have to argue with over booger eating, kids are for you.
Repeat for infinity while yelling "I JUST CLEANED THAT" pic.twitter.com/pmfEpm3hJU
I love it when my kid is proud of his new accomplishments. I just wish he wouldn't come into my room at 5am to yell them at me while I sleep
Don't grow up- it's a trap! holdinholden.com/2017/05/10-w…
FYI: When I said "enough with the cold weather! It's MAY! Give us heat!" I didn't mean that I wanted to take a vacation to Satan's anus.