Neither of my kids are in school. Due to this, when people tell me they actually look forward to Monday because it means their whiny klingons will be out of the house and there will finally be a little bit of peace and quiet- I can’t relate. The only breaks I get come in the forms of potty breaks. Though… i’m never actually alone for any of those, even my own.
The blame for this all lies on one person, though: me. I have no shame in admitting the fact that I am slightly overprotective and wasn’t completely ready to ‘let go’ yet, and also no shame in admitting that after getting Holden accepted to the public preschool system (yes, you have to be accepted), I realized that it was not an appropriate setting for him. A 4 year old who’s never been away from home, suddenly forced to get on a bus and drive 30 minutes away for a 7 hour school day 5 days a week? I think not. In my mind that would not end well at all, or maybe i’m just convincing myself of that to not feel so guilty about refusing to let Holden do something he’d been begging to do for so long.
So even though I definitely did NOT want to, the decision was made to home pre-school the kid. I certainly didn’t want him being behind. How hard could it be? It’s learning colors and numbers and the simple shit in life.
Well, let me tell you all something… I can’t wait to look forward to Monday.
There is a reason I didn’t become a teacher, or take any job that forced me to teach children ANYTHING that was my main source of income. I would be fired. In under an 8 hour work-shift.
It’s not even that i’d catagorize it as “hard”… it’s more a game of “just how much annoying bullshit and whining and irritation can you take?”
My answer is NOT DAMN MUCH. I find teaching little kids with short attention spans and high levels of “but I can’t do it“s to be absolutely maddening. And I can’t wait to share my maddening little one with someone else.
I would feel sorry for the kid forced to sit next to Holden… but considering the fact that I don’t really like other kids all that much (don’t judge me!)- I kind of have to giggle that they’ll be forced to sit through the same things I have had to for a year.
The daily annoyances are what I think will keep me from being “that mom” on his first day of school. The one who sobs and clings to her child, who isn’t old enough to be embarrassed but still looks completely horrified as to what is transpiring in public.
The humming and explosion sound effects while writing? No, I won’t miss that.
The simple math that he’s done a billion times but then suddenly insists he CAN’T DO IT OMFGGGGGGGGG I NEED TO USE YOUR FINGERS! I will be GLAD to be rid of that shit.
The letters and numbers backwards and upside down that I try my best not to scold for, but get scolded for correcting them- that won’t be anything I cry about as he boards the bus.
Being corrected one time and refusing to do any more school work, and then when I agree to be done, throwing a fit to keep going? F that noise.
It’s not that I don’t love to watch him learn, it’s that I don’t have the patience to be the one doing all the teaching. Isn’t that what we have professionals for?
I’m going to take Mondays BACK.. but really, who am I kidding- i’m totally going to sob on his first day of school like a big fat baby, regardless of annoying irritable qualities.
The fact that the wine section of Wal-Mart is directly next to the baby section cannot be an accident.
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