The life of a "lazy" stay at home mom

While I most certainly don’t consider myself to be the most controversial person you might ever meet- someone is bound to get their grannies in a bunch when you make a colorful joke, especially when that joke refers to your child as coming from the depths of hell.

I have been criticized, attacked, and had more assumptions made about me than a woman wearing very little clothing standing on a street corner at night in a skeevy downtown area.
“What do you do, sit on Facebook all day?”
“I could be a stay at home mom, easy”

Even my husband has made comments like that after watching them for 2 hours while I was off FINALLY getting the rats nest on my head taken care of. Two hours is apparently an indication of how 24 hours a day 7 days a week for YEARS would go; and I know for a fact i’m not the only one who has heard these kinds of comments or received these kinds of questions.

I didn’t become a stay at home mom because I didn’t feel like working a regular job anymore. I didn’t become a stay at home mom so I would never miss daytime television. I most certainly didn’t become a stay at home mom because I thought it would be easy, or because it was the most financially sound decision for us.

My choice to be a stay at home mom wasn’t one I made to be righteous, it was just because I didn’t want to put my kids in daycare. Plain and simple. We all have our own reasons, and i’m sure SOME people choose it because they think it will be a cake walk, but for anyone who actually cares about their children- that’s not the case.

Is it as demanding as manual labor? No. Most days, no. But it is physically, mentally, and emotionally draining, and easily the hardest “job” i’ve ever had.

The life of a stay at home mom is full of worry, of stress, of frustration. What keeps us sane is the moments of happiness, even if they are few and far between.
We deal with tantrums and screaming and things breaking and booboos and sometimes blood. We have to be a negotiator, we have to threaten- and we’re the only ones home to play good cop AND bad cop at the same time. It’s not always easy keeping that shit straight.
We deal with vomit, wiping dirty asses, helping kids go to the bathroom regardless of whether they JUST went TWO DAMN SECONDS AGO or not.
We have to teach, but most of us have no teaching degree; we have to entertain but kids are picky as hell about what will keep them still for more than a few minutes at a time,  and we have to constantly act interested in whatever they have decided is worthy of their attention. Even if it’s not interesting. At all.

We have to cook, and then clean up what we cooked with. We have to provide snacks, and clean up the crumbs that will inevitably come with the snack or the fighting that might occur over the portion of said snack. We have to serve breakfast and lunch alone, and most of the time get dinner started before our other half comes home.
We have to fix things that we would SO much rather remain broken, permanently, but we do it to stop the flood of tears that would be sure to come if we didn’t.

We don’t “sit on Facebook all day”– we’re lucky to be able to stop for a few moments, post something, respond to something else before keyboard pounding or screen hogging happens by the ones who think all of our attention all the time should be on them. Even luckier to be able to sneak in these drive-bys more than once.

Nap time? If there IS a nap time. We have to deal with refusal of naps and the intense attitude that comes with the refusal of naps. This time, we ARE the bad cop- and that’s not a hell of a lot of fun.

In between all of these things there is getting dressed, doing laundry, random chores and picking up that needs to be done, attempting to look presentable- to WHO? To ourselves, because we deserve it- that’s if we even have the energy to do so.

We don’t get breaks, not really. We don’t get a lunch break- we get lunch TIME where we spend most of it making sure food isn’t flung and meals are actually being eaten. We don’t get holidays or paid leave or sick days. We are expected to be there. Every day. On time. In sickness or in health, rain or shine, for better or for worse. It’s on us.

So no. Stay at home moms aren’t LAZY. We don’t spend our days watching soaps and eating bonbons while our demon children destroy the house and ingest paint chips. Our job is not “easy” nor is it simple- and there are a hell of a lot of moments that aren’t fun- but we don’t tolerate it in hopes of promotion. There is no promotion. We are MOM (or even Dad, depending on who stays home)-always- and that’s why we do it.

The next time someone opens their mouth and questions what you do all day while “sitting at home with the kids”…. remind them that you have a pillow and you aren’t afraid to hold their face down with it.
OR, you could be nice and just tell them to shut the hell up until they’ve tried it for a few MONTHS- not a couple of hours- and then come back and tell you how EASY it is sitting on your ass all day.

Posted on April 6, 2012 by Holdin' Holden 26 Comments
Holdin' Holden

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  • My favorite, and by that I mean those I want to ice pick to death, are the people that say, “Well since you don’t work . . .” or “Since you have so much free time . . .” Great job!

  • Couldn’t have said it better myself. Loved it!

  • So True!!! I cherish the fact that I traded 8 years as a SAHM for a paying job!! Errrrr, well, I miss it, too, but I’ll deny that in public if you ever repeat it! heheheh

  • Omg couldnt have said it better myself. I cringe when people question what i do all day. I want to freak out in them or the one’s that comment that we dont contribute financially

  • Totally hit the nail on the head with this one! I have been a SAHM for ten years and I am to the point where I desperately want to get a paying gig just to get a break from work!!

  • I love this one!! I can’t stand people who assume because I am a SAHM I have all this free time! My husband finally quit with all the bullshit comments when he was left with our daughter for a week when my dad died. He was so overwhelmed. And I had our newborn with me. I no longer here “what did you do all day”!

  • I used to be a 20-something SAHM. Now I’m a 30-something SAHM. And my job description has changed completely.

    I don’t have to do diaper duty or wipe snotty noses, but I guaren-damn-tee you I work my butt off. Because they dirty up a lot of clothes. They ‘forget’ how to flush a toilet. They can make their own lunches, but don’t have time to clean up their mess. And the activities…holy wow. I’m more of a chauffeur than one who ‘stays’ anywhere, much less at home!

    My point is this: when the decision is made to sacrifice your career or extra income or just time away from other adult humans so that you might stay with your offspring, it is a righteous calling. We’ve ‘done without’ plenty of things, just so our kids have a parent to come home to.

    “Staying at Home” changes, morphs, evolves, as does the person you are and the people your babies are becoming. It’s only a season in your life. Kudos to you, and all of the other “lazy-asses” out there!

    Much love <3

  • It doesn’t change w/ age, only evolves!

  • And don’t forget that it doesn’t get much better once they’re in school … it just fractures your day a bit more.

    Awesome post.

  • Thanks. That was perfect! I am going to bookmark it for my husband to read any time he complains something isn’t done or I have s breakdown because it takes me a week to put away laundry.

  • Best Job in the world!!!

    Wouldn’t change this for anything,as difficult and heart wrenching it may be at times.

    Thanks so much for posting this.

    Perfectly said!

  • stay at home moms are no joke..
    LET me clarify that:

    GOOD DEDICATED SAHMs are no joke.
    You seem to be one.

    I am a WSM (working single mom)…
    Our worlds are very different but the same goal is there.
    Happy Healthy Educated Children

    I wouldn’t wish my situation on anyone… nor do I wish to be in anyone else’s

    I believe we all (the good ones) are trying just to do our best and get through. No excuses or shades of the truth. Just do and get done.

    Loved the post.

  • Wow! I loved this! From the 1st word to the last. I was told that a couple of times..my son’s godfather came to the house one day to drop off a toy, I barely put my son down for a nap so i was relaxing before i started on the dishes and dinner. well, he said “work was tiring” he works at the field but left early. Then he says, I wish I could be a woman, just cook and wash dishes and watch t.v. Oh damn, I put him in his place. I said, “What! 1st of all, u have it waaay easier. all u would do even if u had a kid is come home and sit ur ass in front of the t.v. n not move til dinner is ready. he said “I have 2 dogs” I was hell no u did not just compare ur dog to my son. well, long story short, I haven’t seen him since.

  • AGREED! Awesome Blog!
    i love ur blogs, so far, all the ones i’ve clicked on and read all the way through. thank you for being brutally honest and very opiniated….it makes me feel much less homicidal…lol! Please Keep them coming…blogs; ur blogs!

  • I totally agree. I stayed home until my son was 2.5 and I HAD to go back to work. I needed a break. Staying at home was hard! I am fortunate that I have family members that are former teachers to watch Rafe. If I hadn’t gone back someone most likely would have perished.

  • Amen! It’s the most rewarding job I’ve ever had.. It’s so annoying when somewhen things my job is so easy.. My husband thought that until he was laid off and I went to work and he did my job he told me never again will I question what you do and he says he could never do it as good as me 🙂

  • I have been both a SATM and a working mom. Both jobs are important… at least the mom parts. My kids are now 9 and 18– and my job descriptions are constantly changing. Love what and who you are because life is short and our babies grow up.

  • yep i couldn’t agree more! im so tired of hearing people say it! its not easy something ALWAYS needs to be done my son is always wanting something or wanting me to hold said something or hold him and whatever it is he wants me to hold or hes hungry or needs a drink or to go potty its always something! i love my son i wouldnt change being a SAHM for anything but its not easy! even my husband knows its not easy!

  • Wow. I’m a SAHM and thank GOD my husband doesn’t ever comment about things that aren’t done. I mean, he knows I would kick him in the shins, but STILL. I’m still thankful.

  • I couldn’t have said it better myself! High fives all around to us hard-working stay-at-home moms! Thank you.

  • I LOVE LOVE LOVE this…I have heard those idiotic comments about staying home and doing nothing all day, being lazy, watching television with no one to answer to, blah blah blah…my husband realized after just a small dose of seeing what I do all day that he wouldn’t in any way form or fashion want to switch places with me..Thanks for another good read. 🙂

  • For the last year I have been a SAHW,, yeah the kids are all grown and moved out. Health issues took me out of work,and I was miserable. I was already dealing with PTSD, then I had to have surgery to check for breast cancer. I slid in a deep depression. My husband controlled me with money, never gave me any, or had to beg for grocery or Bill money. I finally got fed up and I went back to work two weeks ago, against my doctors orders. But I deal with the excruciating pain and take my chances I won’t end up in a wheelchair.

  • Having a hard time with the mr. I may or may not be wiping tears off my face…. this is amazing:’)

  • Ha! I just did a post like this, but it was more of a minute-by-minute what I actually did one day. I’ll have to send it to you. Yeah. There are days that involve a lot of facebook. But that’s only because I’m trying not to fall asleep while doing the ABC puzzle for the billionth time.

  • Omg. I laughed my butt off reading this. I have so much more I could add to the list of things we (sahm) have to do! Thank goodness I have a wonderful husband who never questions my day. He is the breadwinner. He is gone away from home every day, missing out on alot. He works so hard to be sure we (our children & I) have everything we need & want. He just likes to come home from work to a happy family. He truely is wonderful. He never complains about his job! I feel horrible when I complain about mine. lol. But… I wouldnt trade my job for anything. All the horrible crazy stories I read and hear about Daycare. No Thank you! I will stick with being on call 24/7 for the needs of all 3 of my lil kiddos.