Loosely, very loosely, I consider myself the “comedic type.” I won’t go as far as to say comedian, but… if YOU want to call me one I wouldn’t object, but I digress. Because I like to think I fall along the lines of funny, I love to laugh. I might love to laugh almost as much as I love to make people laugh.
A snort-worthy joke, snappy one liner, good old fashioned slapstick, raunch, poop humor, or even a silly knock-knock joke- I love them all.
It should be no surprise, by what I have listed above, that I have a deep and personal appreciation of April Fools Day.
Or… I did. Or maybe I still do.
April Fools Day, maybe because i’m older and jokes go beyond leaving a tootsie roll formed to look like fake poop in someone’s bed and moved straight into a festival of fuckery. A complete 24 hours dedicated to the art of the mindfuck.
Just HOW badly can you ruin someone’s day? Can you bring someone to the brink of a mental break only to reel them back in with your gleeful admission “APRIL FOOLS!”?
I find, in my decaying age, that I find myself, instead of excited for the jokes to come on April 1st, that instead I am a paranoid mess. Shifty eyes, furrowed brow, the whole shebang. I do not trust anyone come April 1st (as an aside, you’d better hope nothing REALLY bad ever happens to you on that fateful day, or I will insist you provide pictures to prove it as such or I won’t believe you. I will apologize in advance for leaving you in jail. My bad.)
It may be just how cynical I am, but the ONLY way you can get me on Mind-fuck day is if I wake up not remembering what day it is. Possible, but not likely.
This year I did not participate in the festivities, but that’s not to say Crackbook wasn’t flooded with people trying to yank the proverbial rug out from under their friends.
There’s the classic “build you up and bring it crashing down”– a la fake winning lottery ticket. Just mean. Hilarious, but mean. I can’t tell you how many posts I saw shared today of a fake mega millions ticket going around saying “if you share this i’ll share my winnings!”- yeah, the date on the ticket was March 12th. Derp.
The “allow me to terrify you and make you want to stab me in the face” joke. Personal injury, car crashes, fake blood, jumping out of a dark bathroom in a Candyman costume.
And of course, the jokes you wish would fucking STOP because you see them every single year and find annoyance in the fact that people STILL fall for it every time. “I’M PREGNANT!”
I never have and never will use this joke, as it is tempting your evil uterus to make good on the promise by actually knocking you up. Most of the time I feel like being a snarky bitch on these posts by responding “Just what the world needs, another one of you running around”– but then the turds that actually fall for it would think I was satan and hold candlelight vigils for my swift demise.
The one that stands out in my mind as a personal best, and by personal best I mean one pulled ON me, was in the 1st grade. Some little ankle biters mom came into my classroom and announced she had won the lottery and was taking us ALL to Disney World.
The epic let down was one i’m still bitter about.
Want to pull the best April Fools prank of all time? Trick stupid little kids, for they are gullible and will fall for ANYTHING, (Oh, innocence, how I don’t miss thee) because you WON’T be fooling me!
I'm either "I HAVE 3 FRIES LEFT DON'T TOUCH MY PLATE!" or "Please take this so I can't eat any more of it!" There is no in-between.
Dear people writing articles on ways to get siblings to get along, I'll save you the time. The answer is "Don't let them play together"
Please stop Complimenting my kids’ “Good” Behavior goo.gl/fb/rwfojS
Hard pass from me pic.twitter.com/VayvW1eopK
I've gotten to the point where I'd let my kids summon a demon with a Ouija board before I'd let them play Monopoly together again.