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Big Bad Baby Fever

In reality, I don’t know that there is any particular time where it’s actually “baby season”- and more women on earth are with child than any other time- preggos are out all the damn time. Every where you look there’s a bump in some random size or shape, or some chick’s water breaking in the middle of a busy shopping center (not so much on the second part, but movies sure would have you think so)…. but there are times where it most certainly seems like EVERYONE you know, and everyone around you is growing a human- except for you that is.

There is a pattern to when these times occur, a pattern that should be noted and spoken about in hushed reverent tones for those of us trying to stay AWAY from the fertilized water.

yeah.. because we all look
like this during pregnancy.

Right before Aunt Flo makes her dreaded monthly visit, hormones are at an all time high- suddenly you see teeny tiny babies everywhere and pregnant women who look like they walked straight out of the posters in the maternity sections of stores, and you are reduced to a sappy sentimental puddle.
All those memories of screaming snotty brats with poop filled diapers are suddenly erased and you begin to think “Wouldn’t that be nice?”
We are saved by the fact that PMS only lasts for a week, and once our literal bottom falls out, we begin cursing everything again. I guess periods are good for something after all.

Even worse than that, even more evil and stronger than an achy uterus is the moment you look at your child or children, and all you can notice is how big they’ve gotten. They’re feeding themselves, dressing themselves, maybe they’re about to go off to school and leave you… all by your lonesome... They just don’t need you as much as they used to and it hits you- your baby isn’t a baby anymore.
Even if the infant stage was absolutely dreadful, that never comes up once you realize there is no longer a baby in your house, and you MISS IT. You miss the coos and the smiles and the firsts and the tiny little clothes with the annoying little buttons, and how you could dress them as cutesy as you wanted and people didn’t give you strange looks. Never mind the fact that you were up all night every night and on the verge of complete and utter insanity, or how many times you had to change per day because you got drenched in vomit, and it got to the point to where you gave up and would wear it like a badge. Never mind the projectile shits or the baby weight that took forever to come off (if it even did)- you miss having a baby and the idea of having another doesn’t seem so repulsive.

Baby fever is a bitch. It’s a mac truck straight to the face. Babies are only cute so that we will continue to have them, and once you find yourself in a compromising position, whether it be hormonal imbalance or realization of non-babyage- those little shits give you the Care-Bear Stare and you find it nearly impossible to resist. Those of us who are lucky snap out of it before it’s too late, but many have been lost, as the force is just too strong.

Lucky lucky me- i’m currently being hit with a double-whammy. Not only am I feeling more hormonal than usual with the impending explosion of my uterus, but 95% of the people in my life right now are either pregnant or just had new babies. BABY EVERYWHERE! Baby at every turn!
I consider myself strong against the power of Baby Fever, although I do marvel at its strength, but even this has been hard for me. Little smushy babies everywhere and my biggest baby about to go off to school while even my youngest spends most of his days shouting “NO!” at me instead of just being an adorable little ball of flesh.

Awww.. wouldn’t it be nice to… NO! NO IT WOULD NOT!

It’s a damn good thing we’re bringing home a puppy this weekend or I might turn to the husband and say the 4 words i’m sure he NEVER wants to hear:
“Let’s have another baby”


Even typing that feels absolutely ridiculous. I think the fever has broken. Thank goodness.

Posted on April 4, 2012 by Holdin' Holden 10 Comments
Holdin' Holden

About Holdin' Holden

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10 Comments

  • A puppy only staves off baby fever for a while b/c they grow up too. With four kids, my baby fever episodes are much fewer and father between than they were when I only had one, or two, or three.

  • LOL!! the force IS strong!!

  • There are times when I even think that it would be nice to have another one – I miss that baby stage, even after 5 of them. But, since the factory has been turned into a playground, it’s not a possibility anymore. I’m relieved and sad at the same time.

  • I have baby fever pretty bad. My little girl will be 7 this year, and she doesn’t need me for much any more. I am newly wed and would love to have a baby with my husband. But a look at the pro and con list the con list wins out, still some days I don’t care. Good thing we found an abandoned puppy in the bushes two days ago. Oh and the depo shot, I don’t trust myself. lol

  • Baby fever is a bitch!! I know it will hit me hard when my baby is around 2…Hubby should have gotten that vasectomy when he had the chance 🙂

  • Ugggghhh I have it too. =(

  • My babies are one year from starting middle school and high school and I’ve had baby fever terribly for the past year and it seems to be getting worse and worse lately

  • Omg I love that post! My girls are 8 and almost 2. And I had a scare with my husband a few days ago. My period was late then came then STOPPED! Luckily it came back. Yay. That was close. I really wouldn’t mind having more kids. If pregnancy didn’t kill me and of course if I could just be knocked out for the labor. But I think it would be better to adopt some OLDER kids. Ya know ones that I don’t have to potty train. Lol. Check out my site at http://www.crossroadreviews.com and get some free books. I’m always giving something away. And I would love to review your book if you could send me a copy. O I also do tours.

  • Baby fever is Hell!! Mine are currently 13 & 11 and I even got my tubes tied at 22…and that fucker hits at the most random times. Take a deep breath, break out the chocolate and Vodka, play with the little bundles of gorgousness that belong to OTHER people and then give them back to the parents. Then look at your adorable offspring and do the happy dance because you are no longer changing diapers 🙂
    I LOVE all your blogs 🙂

  • Shoot me now. Please. I’ve been fighting it for YEARS! My oldest is 18 in less than 3 weeks, the youngest is 13 *sniffles* I had the tubes tied 13 yrs ago…and keep looking at websites to undo them. Thank goodness I’m BROKE! LOL