One of my main concerns, aside from the 13 hour drive, was my stupid ass back and neck pain. It’s been plaguing me for so long, with no medical professional in my entire area willing to drug me into submission, that I was concerned i’d make it to Disney and immediately collapse.
My doctors idea of a good solution to this problem was to strap an electrical device to myself so that I could walk around in gazillion degree heat surrounded by baby buggies threatening my achilles tendons and ankle biters screaming at the tops of their lungs. I felt as though the urge to rip a censor off of my back and zap one of those little turds all the way down Main Street would be far too strong to resist. I also wasn’t all that sure of how many weird looks I would get with wires coming out of my shirt or how I would manage to stand in hour long lines for 6 days in a row when doing anything repeatedly for more than 5 minutes at a time makes me an incredibly high level of stabby.
I have to be honest, the pain getting to Disney was some of the nastiest i’d ever felt- but once I actually got out of that stupid fucking car and got to moving… it wasn’t all that bad. Sure, I had medical tape ripping at the baby hairs (YES BABY HAIRS) on my back all day, and the censors were constantly peeling off due to sweat, but zapping myself into happy land whenever I felt the tiniest bit of pain wasn’t all that bad. I don’t know if that old saying about a body in motion staying in motion was right, or if there really is crack in the air- but it most definitely wasn’t as miserable as I had assumed it would be originally.
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I've never had a near death experience, but I DID find 2 spiders in my house this morning, and that's pretty much the same thing.
If you like to be constantly criticized over your peanut butter to jelly ratio on sandwiches, being a parent is definitely for you.
It's called "Mom Tax" and it applies to ALL SWEETS OBTAINED BY CHILDREN pic.twitter.com/VExGwIOdBn
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Kid: When do I get the tablet back? Me: Thursday aftern--- Kid: *Yelling* I'LL NEVER GET IT BACK! Me: Okay, I guess never, then. #kidlogic