Tonight is our last night staying at Disney. I am sad to see vacation end.. ready for my rashy skin to get a relief from the sun… but not at ALL excited for the drive home (thomas has joked about buying property here and just saying ‘fuck it’)
As always, on my last night of vacation (as if i’ve taken that many, this is only our second real vacay as a family), I reflect on the trip as a whole. The ups, the downs, our favorite parts, what I think will stick as permanent memories as the kids grow… and of course, because I AM me, the weird.
This is where I will stick my handy little disclaimer and say that if you don’t like to read about OPP- which to me means OTHER PEOPLES POOP- this is the time to turn back. Personally, I think my poop blogs are some of the best, and this will most certainly be an interesting tail of …. wha?
Our last trip to Disney ended on somewhat of a sour note: Food poisoning. Holden got it, puked all night long, and I woke up shitting myself crazy. Holden proceeded to puke all over himself in the middle of Hollywood studios and neither of us could eat at the very expensive character lunch we’d booked. Needless to say, it was a LONG fucking flight home.
Neither Thomas nor Parker got it, even though they ate the same food. I blamed it on Holden and I eating off of the same plate, swore NEVER to go back to the resort we’d dined in that evening again (and I still hold that promise- Pavlov got it right).
This time around, we didn’t quite get food poisoning, but instead… something odd happened. I noticed it yesterday morning. My stomach hates me, and whenever i’m forced out of bed against my will- I have to shit. Toss your IBS theories at the fan if you must, it very well could be- I don’t really know, i’ve just accepted it as a way of life.
It’s not that I insist on looking at my own shit, but it was hard not to notice that the entire toilet was BRIGHT FUCKING GREEN. Yes, you read that right, bright green shit.
What in the holy hell happened there??
It was so odd, in fact, that I announced it to Thomas as soon as I left the bathroom. He knows when I have to shit, but do I ever describe to him the color or consistency? Absolutely not; that’s how weird it was.
I settled on the fact that it was another example of how much my stomach hates me until lunch time came around and Holden announced that he had to shit. Thomas took him, and when they returned, it was announced to me that Holden’s shit was electric blue. ELECTRIC BLUE.
Had he eaten anything electric blue? Uhhhhh no. Had I eaten anything bright green? Negative. HOW WAS THIS HAPPENING? AND ONLY TO US??
Two times in a fucking row, Disney has messed with our stomachs. Thank jeebus this time was only with kaleidoscope shit and not the voms, but damn! The only logical reasoning I can come up with is that there is SOMETHING in the Disney water making our stomachs go completely batshit crazy- and trust me, I checked Parker’s bowel explosions and take Thomas’ word for his (because no way in FUCK am I looking at that!) and they are both normal.
But does it end there? Does it EVER end there? No. No it doesn’t.
Being the typical child, Holden always waits until the middle of dinner to decide that it is the perfect time to figuratively crap all over a family dinner to to go the bathroom for #2. It never fails. Tonight was no different…. well.. I take that back, it was.
He went to the bathroom and relieved himself per usual (with Thomas, I was too busy stuffing my fucking face with delicious, yet cursed Disney food).
When they return, Thomas has a quizzical yet amused look on his face. As it turns out, Holden’s shit went from electric blue to good ol’ green.
In a moment of confusion, Thomas asked Holden “WHY is your poop green?” and the response?
“Because my poop is frustrated with being brown!”
If you’re wondering whether or not I snort laughed… I did.
I guess that explains everything, does it not?
You wouldn't sniff a stranger's butt to see who pooped their pants.... so you probably shouldn't do these other parental things to strangers, either. holdinholden.com/2017/12/weir…
Weird Things you do for your kids but not Strangers goo.gl/fb/oVuwvG
Tis the season! pic.twitter.com/5VgMLnt22E
I am weak pic.twitter.com/LYdRQ6EZcC
You know that feeling when you don't chew a chip all the way and it cuts you all the way down and you swear it's gonna kill you, but you go ahead have another right after? That's what it's like when you decide to have another kid.