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Sucking up to the extreme, not that I mind.

Holden may have unleashed his inner sneak- but he is still pretty transparent in his actions, especially once he lets the cat..er… dog, out of the bag.

I am completely aware that the child is trying every which way to butter me up and manipulate me into bringing home a dog. It’s going to happen anyways, I would think that was clear by now, but still- he tries. And who am I to complain? A well behaved four year old who is worshiping the ground you walk on is about as rare as a two headed cow and not to be taken lightly or discouraged.

Quite the opposite, actually. Milk it for all it’s worth! Take it and fucking run for the hills because as soon as the kid gets what they want, it’s most likely back to hellion until they find the next thing to brown-nose you over… but do not ignore it or they’ll never do it again. The manipulation might be annoying, but the good behavior, for whatever reason? Can’t argue with that- so acknowledge the good behavior… to a point.

Today was another epic poop day. There hasn’t been an epic poop day in this house in who knows how long and I (and my gag reflex) haven’t missed it a BIT!

It would appear that while I was trimming Holden’s hair (his suggestion, just another way to suck up), Parker thought it would just be the most FABULOUS idea on earth to unload a full barrel of shit into his underwear- and only bothered to tell me AFTER the fact.

I was incensed. We don’t get shit accidents anymore, and the little turd (pun intended) had to wait until Holden was participating in a not-so-random act of kindness??

It wasn’t just any kind of poop, it was the kind where in order to get it out of the underwear, you have to shake it. And shake it. And shake it some more before it will dislodge. I half expected Parker to laugh at me for cursing at a turd, but he was too busy crying over how deep in shit he was in (another intended pun).

After I plopped him on the toilet, I specifically instructed him NOT to move until I came back down with a fresh pair of underwear.
He’s 2, of-fucking-course he didn’t listen. What did I come back downstairs to? Skid marks, thick skid marks all over the toilet seat from where Parker scooted his doo-doo filled ass off.

Initiate suppression of gag reflex. I literally almost lost it, and the only thing I could think to do was to call good ol’ Holden, who has never gagged over a smell in his entire 4.5 years of life.
Did I think he would actually help me? Hell no I didn’t! I thought he would take one look at the car accident that had become of the toilet seat, look at me with crazy eyes, and insist that there was no fucking way he would EVER clean that shit up (literally, figuratively, yes another poop pun).

I guess in his current state of buttery brown-nosing, Holden is willing to do just about ANYTHING, so he gave me an enthusiastic “sure!” and began scrubbing away. No complaining… he may have even been humming a happy tune- and much to my glee, I looked over and no more streaks- the kid did an amazing job.

Now i’m beginning to think that perhaps the puppy isn’t enough, since i’m not actually getting it FOR him like he thinks…. I may actually have to let him name the damn thing Starry. I also may need to practice my suppression of gag, since that’s what that name makes me do every time I say it out loud.

Posted on March 5, 2012 by Holdin' Holden 4 Comments
Holdin' Holden

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4 Comments

  • hahahaha. that’s awesome but it’s true eat it up while it lasts! and good luck with the gag reflex!

  • Use this power over Holden judiciously, b/c if you try to go to far with it, he’ll stop cooperating until the dog appears. I have some experience in this area. Sigh.

  • Can I have him for a while. I am about to get a puppy too……

  • Don’t fret over the puppy name too much, my animals always have at least half a dozen names. They respond equally well to all of them, they don’t even have to rhyme. As for the model behavior, you are so right. Enjoy it while it lasts, but it’s not in vain. The more practice he gets behaving exceptionally well, the easier it will be for him to slip into it again. Eventually, it may become habit (but don’t hold your breath?)….