|Saggy Hag? I think not.|
Personally, being that I am of the female gender- I think we have it rough. Not that i’m biased or anything, but really, think about it. We have to grow boobs, sometimes misshapen, sometimes not at all, try to be stylish and wear makeup to “enhance beauty”, pluck eyebrows and go through ridiculous beauty rituals and wear uncomfortable shoes (among other things), carry children for a ridiculous amount of time while they put our bodies through absolute torture and then physically push them out, and wrinkles don’t make us “distinguished”- they make us look like, what people consider, old saggy hags.
Meanwhile, a man can go completely unshaven, burp grunt and fart, have messy hair and don’t wear makeup or uncomfortable clothes and this is normal.
The fairer sex bullshit just doesn’t fly with me.
So i’m going to now pose the question that we, the owners of vaginas, have ALL asked in our lifetime:
Why, with all the bullshit us bitches have to tolerate, WHY did we get saddled with PERIODS too? As if the rest wasn’t enough??
If this sounds like it could turn into a man-hating kind of blog… well.. you’re probably right. What can I say? I’m fucking hormonal.
Don’t get me wrong, I understand the science behind WHY we women have periods, I get it, I don’t need it to be explained. I know what the fuck ovaries and fallopian tubes and eggs and a uterus are, and I know how they work in conjunction with one another.
But still. WHY?! Really. WHY? Is the cramping and bloating and irritability and crazy shits and tender tits and the wanting to go all stabby on someone’s face really necessary?
And why don’t men have anything nearly as painful happen to them? How is that fair?
There is no way on earth that any man could ever tell me that the things he may have had to go through in his life will ever add up to 7 days of uterine hell (and that’s not even including the bloating and irritability beforehand)
Wet dreams? Please. You weren’t even awake to be bothered by that shit.
Your voice cracked? Boohoo Justin Bieber. Tell me how that compares to gushing blood from your nethers.
Popped a boner in class? Tuck it under your belt and get over it, it’s a few minutes out of a day how often you say? Rarely? Oh you say more often than rare? Try 7 days out of every single month from as early as 8 to about 51.
Premature ejaculation? Queef. During sex. Even better: during oral sex.
Yes, please, holder of penis- tell me about how rough you have it and how hard being a male is.
Until you go all Arnold Schwarzenegger in “Junior”– please don’t even PRETEND to have any kind of idea, comparability, or understanding of what we women go through at the ‘hands’ of our parts.
Oh, wait, you don’t try- because to most men, periods ‘can’t be THAT bad’
You can go ahead and say that. We can’t expect someone who does not, never has, and never will have a uterus or ovaries to comprehend the literal interpretation of hell on earth- but all we ask is that you not vocalize that idiotic thought while we’re knuckle deep trying to plug a hole that just won’t stop bleeding.We also might ask that you not be a prick, y’know, because that will save you from getting smothered, stabbed, or dickpunched in a fit of hormonal rage.
You don’t have a period. It’s unfair, but consider yourself lucky- and don’t make us hurt you so badly that you’ll wish you DID.
@Julieannefiu I still sing WRAPPED UP LIKE A DOUCHE. I think they're lying about the "real" lyrics
I sang SO many embarrassingly wrong song lyrics with such confidence. pic.twitter.com/Ww5TaAxY3r
@AndreaPerez0217 Not that I'm biased, but I highly recommend ;) Hope you enjoy!
Parenthood: you think it's gonna be all hugs & booboo kisses, but it's really cooking food everyone hates & scraping boogers off of walls.
School system: Here! Have a half day on Friday the 13th! Me: pic.twitter.com/Dy18C8R3dD
Spooking the Kids Without Scarring them for LIFE With Netflix! (and a giveaway!) goo.gl/fb/tkeWgB