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The question I think ALL women have asked at least twice

Saggy Hag? I think not.

Personally, being that I am of the female gender- I think we have it rough. Not that i’m biased or anything, but really, think about it. We have to grow boobs, sometimes misshapen, sometimes not at all, try to be stylish and wear makeup to “enhance beauty”, pluck eyebrows and go through ridiculous beauty rituals and wear uncomfortable shoes (among other things), carry children for a ridiculous amount of time while they put our bodies through absolute torture and then physically push them out, and wrinkles don’t make us “distinguished”- they make us look like, what people consider, old saggy hags.

Meanwhile, a man can go completely unshaven, burp grunt and fart, have messy hair and don’t wear makeup or uncomfortable clothes and this is normal.
The fairer sex bullshit just doesn’t fly with me.

So i’m going to now pose the question that we, the owners of vaginas, have ALL asked in our lifetime:
Why, with all the bullshit us bitches have to tolerate, WHY did we get saddled with PERIODS too? As if the rest wasn’t enough??
If this sounds like it could turn into a man-hating kind of blog… well.. you’re probably right. What can I say? I’m fucking hormonal.

Don’t get me wrong, I understand the science behind WHY we women have periods, I get it, I don’t need it to be explained. I know what the fuck ovaries and fallopian tubes and eggs and a uterus are, and I know how they work in conjunction with one another.
But still. WHY?! Really. WHY? Is the cramping and bloating and irritability and crazy shits and tender tits and the wanting to go all stabby on someone’s face really necessary?

And why don’t men have anything nearly as painful happen to them? How is that fair?

There is no way on earth that any man could ever tell me that the things he may have had to go through in his life will ever add up to 7 days of uterine hell (and that’s not even including the bloating and irritability beforehand)
Wet dreams? Please. You weren’t even awake to be bothered by that shit.
Your voice cracked? Boohoo Justin Bieber. Tell me how that compares to gushing blood from your nethers.
Popped a boner in class? Tuck it under your belt and get over it, it’s a few minutes out of a day how often you say? Rarely? Oh you say more often than rare? Try 7 days out of every single month from as early as 8 to about 51.
Premature ejaculation? Queef. During sex. Even better: during oral sex.

Yes, please, holder of penis- tell me about how rough you have it and how hard being a male is.

Until you go all Arnold Schwarzenegger in “Junior”– please don’t even PRETEND to have any kind of idea, comparability, or understanding of what we women go through at the ‘hands’ of our parts.
Oh, wait, you don’t try- because to most men, periods ‘can’t be THAT bad’


You can go ahead and say that. We can’t expect someone who does not, never has, and never will have a uterus or ovaries to comprehend the literal interpretation of hell on earth- but all we ask is that you not vocalize that idiotic thought while we’re knuckle deep trying to plug a hole that just won’t stop bleeding.We also might ask that you not be a prick, y’know, because that will save you from getting smothered, stabbed, or dickpunched in a fit of hormonal rage.

You don’t have a period. It’s unfair, but consider yourself lucky- and don’t make us hurt you so badly that you’ll wish you DID.

Posted on March 7, 2012 by Holdin' Holden 15 Comments
Holdin' Holden

About Holdin' Holden

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15 Comments

  • Well done. So, guess that new app on your phone is working? My husband learned log ago not offer any opinion on periods vs. anything men do, why? Because he knows the rule; “No uterus, no opinion.”

  • OMG!!! Thinking same thing today…I luv when I get the “your PMSing” or “are you on the rag?”
    Just want to rip his head off!

  • This is awesome. Thanks for putting it out there for men everywhere to read. Until they can squeeze watermelons out of their pee hole, they have no right to complain. Thanks for the laugh 🙂

  • Ha! So true! I freakin love you!

  • And as the age old saying goes “I have the vagina, I make the rules” No questions or whining about how a period couldn’t be that bad…Men!

  • Your post has made my evening. I identify with every single word. You rock!

  • The comparison I got was trying to pee a kidney stone out his peni…MY response I wish it on you 7days a week for every month from now on you whiney piss ant. Now I’m the cruel one?…Awwee it cant be that bad get over it biatch

    I felt so much better for a moment ! then relizing it was just a passing thought, damn the luck!

  • Sometimes I wonder if PMS is there simply so we have a way of sharing our pain with them

  • Ok, so as a man, I took the time to read this blog in its entirety, and I Have only one thing to say….You are so right.

    Yes I have asked myself those very questions, we have it far to easy.

    I offered to be snipped after our little guy was born, My thoughts, were why the HELL should she have to go through more.

    Keep up the great job, I love your blogs!

  • ^this is a good man.
    Unless he’s being sarcastic and has forgotten to use the internet sarcasm font 😉

  • OK so as soon as I can breathe again and get the tears dried I’ll tell you how much I effing LOVE you!!

  • Loved it the first time I read it, and loved it again today…..

    And BTW…..I did live up to my words, and got snipped a week ago.

    It’s all in the blog

    Keep up the great shit – I Love it!

  • Awesome. Just as im reading my husband started talking about some cadillac and as i sit here with the ever so unwelcomed mother nature or aunt flow (whatever you want to call this curse) i was thinking “yes, i DO want to stab everybody in the face right now.” Lol. Thank you for the blog.

  • “sighs” that must be why they are complete BABIES when they are sick… Even if they have a slight cough. If they went through what we have to go through in our lives then they would suck it up like we do. Women could get there finger cut off and they would just shrug and be like eh just a flesh wound. Men on the other hand would whine till the end of time.