This is my brain on MRI

After months of pain, 6 weeks of PT, and an asshole doctor who really didn’t give two shits about anything but pointless 5 minute follow-ups and charging my insurance $500- I finally got scheduled for an MRI to see if we searched a little more in depth, we could actually find out what the fuck the problem is and why it’s lasting so long.

My first thought upon hearing i’d be getting a ration of MRIs was YES! I thought from the very beginning, when they nearly XRayed me to death, that an MRI should have been done, and then, like with every other situation, my brain began to go into overdrive.

An MRI. What exactly can you see on an MRI?
What if someone is on their period? Would that show up? How horrifying would that be to go over your MRIs with your doctor and see a cotton tail coming out the bottom end?
Genius me, I made the appointment for as early as humanly possible, 6:45am. Do I even bother putting on makeup? All they’re going to do is stick me in a box. NO ONE is going to be out that early.
BUT if I don’t… i’ll look like a demon, the walking dead, a gremlin, heinous, terrifying, crusty and exhausted.
What if, since it’s so early, I fall asleep? Is that good or bad? What if I drool, or snore, or fart?
Like giving birth- this was another “how am I going to embarrass myself THIS time?” situation

My MAIN concern, above all else? Taking out my jewelry. I don’t EVER take them out. I have THIRTEEN piercings. It’s a pain in the ass, I get slightly disgusted by messing with them, it takes too long, and I have an intense fear of them closing up and having to jam a stud back through.

I was actually okay with the thought of being shoved into an enclosed space until people who have actually HAD MRIs in the past peed in my cheerios (and rightfully so).
It’s terrifying! It’s LOUD. Take a valium! Wear earplugs!
Shit, my asshat of a doctor won’t even give me ibuprofen for severe chronic back pain- he’d let me die before giving me a valium.
And when I thought about all that, a wee bit of panic began to set in.

There’s a reason I don’t watch Dirty Jobs, and it’s not because I dont’ think Mike Rowe is sexy (HELL YES HE IS) but it’s because I can’t stand watching him squeeze into small spaces, my heart rate starts to rise and I have to change the channel. This would not end well.

On the way there this morning, still dark out, my brain was in absolute overdrive (although my body was screaming to get back in bed)

I must not be too old yet because I STILL don’t understand why they make kids get up so early for school,
or maybe I am old because I call highschoolers ‘kids’.
You can get somewhere in half the time when everyone is still sleeping, especially the idiot drivers
I’m the first one here, great, now they have to buzz me in and I have to stand out here in my mismatched pajamas I threw together at the last second for any passer-by to see.
You’re inspecting me for metal? Asking me if I have any metal in my head? Uhh, other than my piercings… No…
I should clean my earrings more often
Oh, it’s an open MRI, yay!
Wait.. i’m still going in over my head. Boo!

I don’t see how 80’s classic rock would help someone about to have a panic attack from claustrophobia- but i’m sure enjoying it!
“Hold perfectly still. DO NOT MOVE”- seriously? My nose itches
Am I moving? I felt like I just moved. 
Did I twitch? No, that’s my arm falling asleep.
I’ll just close my eyes- but I can’t sleep because HOLY FUCK THIS IS LOUD.
This is like bad club music mixed with construction work.
I feel like i’m in an alien spaceship. The only thing missing is hot pokers and anal probes.
My earring holes are probably closing up
Now I want to scratch my ear
I’m hungry
I don’t want cereal for breakfast
How much longer is this going to last?

By the time it was over, I was disoriented, dizzy, even more tired than when i’d arrived and NEVER wanting to do that again. For the damage it did to my rational thinking alone. And the pain it caused in my nose and ear when I had to forcefully jam back through two posts.

On a more serious note, I have my follow-up Thursday with my asshole of a doctor who apparently had my neck and LOWER BACK which has never experienced pain scan instead of the center of my back- so i’m not feeling very hopeful about the results.
Have I mentioned lately that I hate doctors?

Posted on February 23, 2012 by Holdin' Holden 4 Comments
Holdin' Holden

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  • i made the mistake of opening my eyes in one of the closed MRI,S….someone before me had tried to scratch there way out of the machine..they left long scratch marks all in the styrofome!…. makes open MRI,S a piece of cake! hope they find the cause of your pain….

  • Maybe it’s because right now it is 11:40p and I’m tired,but the picture of the MRI scanner that you posted looks like a giant toilet bowl!!;) I never ever open my eyes in the scanner,’cause I’d definitely go into full blown panic mode…so I always have them put a washcloth over my eyes,and turn up the country music,and take one of my hubby’s Valium’s beforehand:) Anyway,sometimes you can have what’s called referred pain,that radiates to another area of your body,besides the actual injury site;so hopefully by scanning your neck and lower back,it will lead to what may be causing all of the pain in your middle back…confusing,huh?!?! Keep pushing for those answers and some good pain medication too!!! Sure hope that you find out what in the world is causing all of your pain for so long.{{{HUGS}}} 🙂

  • i hate that you are in pain and that your doctor is being an asshat. really, what good can a 5 minutes of any kind of visit do? unless he’s jesus… and i doubt that, because jesus is NOT an asshat… anywhoo..
    i hope they find the problem and fix it!! {even if that means i don’t get to snort laugh at the thought of you looking like a demon o.O}

  • The prescription migraine medicine Sumitriptan (Imetrex) works like a charm in MRIs. Also, I had the sameproblem with my earrings until I found that themore you mess with them, the more the hole loosens to accomodate (but not so drastically that it will backfire on you) I started out by twisting them inthe hole a few minutes each day. Take them out and cleanthe holes once in a while (not all at once, space them out through the week). You could do the ones in your lower ear one one day, upper ear ones another day, the noseone another day, etc. That way you are not spending forevet taking each and every one out at once, swabbing all holes with a little cleaner of choice, swabbing or soaking all the various earrings, studs, whatever then putting them all back in. Its shorter time that they are out, cleaned and back in so it cannot close up that fast.