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Sticks and stones my ass!

Kids.
We discuss them a lot. Of course we do, isn’t that why this blog is here? I give kids a lot of shit, partially because if I don’t vent about my own and the others I encounter here, I fear that I may run away and join a travelling circus, and partially because, to put it simply, they are mean rotten little things.

I don’t say this as an insult to my own children… I say this from experience… from MYSELF, as I was one, so I think i’d know. Looking back on my childhood, unbeknownst to me at the time, I was a mean rotten little thing. A REALLY mean rotten little thing! I don’t know who made up the saying “Sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me”- but they’re a fucking idiot. Getting hit with a stick isn’t going to break anything unless said stick is code for ENTIRE FUCKING TREE and damnit, words DO hurt!

At such a young and tender age, the absolute childhood cuntiness could be blamed on lack of brain power, understanding, and all around stupidity- but I like to call’em as I see’em. Kids are assholes. I WILL give them the benefit of the doubt and say that probably about HALF the time, they don’t intend to be. Especially when it comes to their senses of humor (back-sass, I can’t help you with).

The crap they laugh about ranges from made up words (and not the pervy ones adults might find humorous), poorly thought out poop humor, and regurgitation of other crap that they’ve heard, regardless of whether they understand what it means or not (and i’m going to go with NOT).

That was my main source of amusement as a child: insults.
Thinking about all the shit I used to say to my mother and other randoms in my life, it’s a wonder I didn’t get smothered at a very young age.
Before knowledge really starts to seep into a child’s brain, they really don’t have a damn clue about how insecure a woman might be about her weight, or even what being overweight IS. They might say ugly, but do they know the impact calling someone ugly might have? Chances are not strong.

If one of my kids walked up to me and called me a “Bubble butt” like I did to my mom because she, well… had a large ass, or “beluga whale” as I did to my babysitter while swimming in the family pool- i’d smack a bitch. Then develop a complex. And then need therapy to get over it.
I didn’t say it back then to be MEAN, I don’t think I had those kinds of intentions, but I said it because I thought someone else getting angry was hilarious.Ok, maybe I did do it to be mean, but I still use in my defense that I had no idea the impact it might have.

It’s now that I understand why they locked me upstairs, turned the lights on and off and told me Candyman was going to get me. I give them a fat-butt complex and they make me terrified of bathroom mirrors for life.

Or perhaps i’m getting payback in the form of my own insult hurling little spawn, one of which called me “hideous” this morning… but at least when he saw steam coming from my ears he backtracked and changed that nasty little word to “gorgeous”

They may not be geniuses at such a young age, but that self-preservation instinct kicks in at BIRTH.

Posted on February 5, 2012 by Holdin' Holden 5 Comments
Holdin' Holden

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5 Comments

  • OMG! My daughter LOVES insults! Her recent favorite starts with “Mom, you’re ____.” The blank varies…sometimes it’s “you’re butt is big” or it could be “you’re fat.” (Which I’m not, I made the mistake of muttering about my baby belly in front of her one day.) Sometimes though, it’s not an insult…sometimes it’s “you’re pretty!” More often than not, it’s an insult, simply because she just likes to be a mean lil shit.

  • So freaken’ true!!!!!

  • LOL
    reminds me of when #2 said to me, “mom, remember when you were fat? a lot fat? not a little fat, like now?”

  • yesterday I was told I was giant, hairy and stinky. I am none of the above. or at least I wasn’t yesterday.

  • My 4 year old little girl is a watcher. She watches people and then makes obvious statements about these people, to them. She’s “brutally honest”. The other day I was the “people” she was observing. I have always been a larger woman and now at 19 weeks with #3, my belly sticks out quite a bit. I was getting off her bed and mentioned that it was uncomfortable for bigger people, meaning adults. She responded with “why, cause you’re fat?” Thank goodness my hormones didn’t kick in and I remembered she’s my daughter, not some girl I wanted to slap. I reminded her that mommy is pregnant and she said “oh, yeah so you’re only a little fat and pregnant” … SMH, I guess I should be teaching her to not be so “honest” lol