We discuss them a lot. Of course we do, isn’t that why this blog is here? I give kids a lot of shit, partially because if I don’t vent about my own and the others I encounter here, I fear that I may run away and join a travelling circus, and partially because, to put it simply, they are mean rotten little things.
I don’t say this as an insult to my own children… I say this from experience… from MYSELF, as I was one, so I think i’d know. Looking back on my childhood, unbeknownst to me at the time, I was a mean rotten little thing. A REALLY mean rotten little thing! I don’t know who made up the saying “Sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me”- but they’re a fucking idiot. Getting hit with a stick isn’t going to break anything unless said stick is code for ENTIRE FUCKING TREE and damnit, words DO hurt!
At such a young and tender age, the absolute childhood cuntiness could be blamed on lack of brain power, understanding, and all around stupidity- but I like to call’em as I see’em. Kids are assholes. I WILL give them the benefit of the doubt and say that probably about HALF the time, they don’t intend to be. Especially when it comes to their senses of humor (back-sass, I can’t help you with).
The crap they laugh about ranges from made up words (and not the pervy ones adults might find humorous), poorly thought out poop humor, and regurgitation of other crap that they’ve heard, regardless of whether they understand what it means or not (and i’m going to go with NOT).
That was my main source of amusement as a child: insults.
Thinking about all the shit I used to say to my mother and other randoms in my life, it’s a wonder I didn’t get smothered at a very young age.
Before knowledge really starts to seep into a child’s brain, they really don’t have a damn clue about how insecure a woman might be about her weight, or even what being overweight IS. They might say ugly, but do they know the impact calling someone ugly might have? Chances are not strong.
If one of my kids walked up to me and called me a “Bubble butt” like I did to my mom because she, well… had a large ass, or “beluga whale” as I did to my babysitter while swimming in the family pool- i’d smack a bitch. Then develop a complex. And then need therapy to get over it.
I didn’t say it back then to be MEAN, I don’t think I had those kinds of intentions, but I said it because I thought someone else getting angry was hilarious.Ok, maybe I did do it to be mean, but I still use in my defense that I had no idea the impact it might have.
It’s now that I understand why they locked me upstairs, turned the lights on and off and told me Candyman was going to get me. I give them a fat-butt complex and they make me terrified of bathroom mirrors for life.
Or perhaps i’m getting payback in the form of my own insult hurling little spawn, one of which called me “hideous” this morning… but at least when he saw steam coming from my ears he backtracked and changed that nasty little word to “gorgeous”
They may not be geniuses at such a young age, but that self-preservation instinct kicks in at BIRTH.
The fact that the wine section of Wal-Mart is directly next to the baby section cannot be an accident.
My Family’s Summer Schedule Full of FUN! (Yes, that’s Sarcasm) goo.gl/fb/wBR1Un
Actions speak louder than words! pic.twitter.com/O2r8sDIBuT
I'm Gordon pretty much all the time, to be honest. pic.twitter.com/29KrYzv6Ei
2017 has been a total wash thus far pic.twitter.com/N2J7qp2PxW
17 of the Most REAL, Honest, & HILARIOUS Parenting Memes on the Internet goo.gl/fb/gPZWNy
I've never had a near death experience, but I DID find 2 spiders in my house this morning, and that's pretty much the same thing.
If you like to be constantly criticized over your peanut butter to jelly ratio on sandwiches, being a parent is definitely for you.