We all know them. We all roll our eyes, scoff, groan and moan at them- and sometimes they even end up on websites dedicated to making fun of the parental-oversharing, uptight and crazy moms around the world.
THAT kind of Mom.
Oh she’s THAT kind of Mom. I’ll never be that kind of mom! I’ll never make people annoyed or disgusted or irritated. I’ll never act like the world should revolve around my little fluffy and his or her wellbeing!
I’ll never be THAT kind of mom- the one who complains about the UPS driver ringing the doorbell during nap time as if he should KNOW there’s a child inside who is TRYING to sleep. Don’t you dare knock on my door! You, you, AND you! You should know better! Even if I know you don’t know better, my kid is sleeping, and that’s more important than the job you’re being paid to do… probably by me. No no, i’ll never be that kind of mom!
I’ll never be the kind of mom who gets angry at ANY noise outside while my kid is sleeping. Car horn? That’s ok! Let it wake the baby up, I won’t be the kind who gets pissed the hell off because now I have to rock the kid back to sleep or deal with the crankiest human on the face of the earth come 6pm. No no, i’ll never be that kind of mom!
Germs? Every kid has to get sick some time! I’ll never be the kind of mom who carries around hand sanitizer and goes completely batshit crazy on a shopping cart or glares at the snotty little brat hacking their lungs up only a few feet away. Sometimes we just have to get shit done, regardless of whether our kid is sick or not, and we don’t always have someone to watch them! I understand- no no, i’ll never be that kind of mom!
Eating food off of the floor, I would NEVER let my kids do that! Simply because I would never let a single cheerio or morsel of food get past me or my vacuum, since I do it 12 times per day. We will eat at the table ALL the time, always be clean and proper with plates, utensils and napkins. Oh no, I will never be that kind of mom!
I will never strip my kid naked in public or take blackmail pictures, use the TV to distract my kids so I can actually get something done around the house, let them go in public with crusty faces or mismatched clothes, post things online that could potentially horrify them when they get older, crack them out on sugar, let them cry- no no, I will never EVER be that kind of Mom!
Here’s the thing- as much as I said it, or even still say it… as ridiculous as I know some of those things are to be doing, not doing, or allowing- I AM THAT KIND OF MOM!
I get pissed every time my doorbell rings and wakes the kids up, and it doesn’t matter that I realize the delivery man, the salesman, the neighbor have NO idea there is a sleeping child inside- it STILL makes me angry. Irrationally so.
I AM the kind of mom who is paranoid about sickness and scrubs down an entire shopping cart before i’ll let my kids so much as look at it; and I am most definitely the kind of mom who will let my kids sit on the floor and eat because it’s convenient or watch TV so I can make dinner or FOR THE LOVE OF GOD have some peace and quiet.
I do all of these things… and I also laugh, roll my eyes and snort at other Moms who do them, because I know they’re ridiculous, irrational, and completely insane- but I AM that kind of Mom! I AM! I SAID IT!
I may not be proud of it, it might even slightly embarrass me- but it is what it is. And why? Because I love my kids, and love can be ridiculous, irrational and completely insane- and when it comes to taking care of our kids or making them happy or keeping ourselves sane enough to deal with them… well… I guess that makes a little bit of batshit crazy okay.
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