I’m not sure if it’s the turn of the new year, the events of the last one, or the amount of vomit and snot that have been stuffed in the first 5 days of the new one- but sometimes a girl feels the need to rant, and now is that time for me.
Since I started my blog, there have always been those who disagree with what I have to say or how I choose to express it. It took some time getting used to, but now it’s not uncommon. There is always going to be some uptight holier-than-thou goody-two-shoes “Perfect Parent” who gets their grannies in a bunch and thinks that if you don’t believe that your children walk on water for 24 hours a day 7 days a week, then you are the DEBIL and you must be TOLD SO! Nevermind that lesson that has been taught for centuries by normal parents about how “if you have nothing nice to say, don’t say anything at all”– that has long since gone out the window, because Perfect Parents always have something nasty to say about what everyone is doing if it isn’t exactly as they would do.
You know what my new saying is?
“If you don’t have anything nice to say, you can KISS MY ASS”
Why the constant need to shit all over someone else? I’ve never been quite sure. I figure everyone deals with things in different ways, everyone at some time or another needs to let that shit out even if it comes out as nothing more than a string of expletives (as it usually does with me), or they will literally explode… and honestly, who wants to clean up entrails from their walls?
I honestly don’t know how many times I have to try and make it clear to those certain folks who consider themselves the Perfect Parents, that life is NOT all rainbows and butterflies. We all deserve to “complain” as some might put it, vent, moan, or even feel a little stabby at times and get it all out in the form of a good “old fashioned” (in quotations because seriously, the internet isn’t that old) rant.
If we sucked it up and allowed, as mothers, to put our lives on hold for 10 months; give up drinking and smoking and staying out late, be taken over by stretchmarks and cellulite, completely lose control of our bladders, and for the most part- our brains, only to finish the process by tearing ourselves quite literally in half and then go through what can be years of sleep deprivation, screaming, worrying, whining, and the terrible 2’s, terrifying 3’s and god awful 4’s…. you’re trying to tell me we can’t COMPLAIN every now and then?
You’re kidding me, right?
Loving our kids is one thing, OF-FUCKING-COURSE that should be unconditional, but it damn well doesn’t mean we have to LIKE them all the time.
Parenting is HARD. I don’t care how fucking perfect you think you are at it, you’re deluded. It’s hard. It’s frustrating. It can be downright annoying and you may even get the urge to sell your kids to the gypsies, on the black market, or even just run away and join the circus- we NORMAL parents need a place to get all of our frustrations out so that we don’t take the figurative and make it literal.
If something bad happens in my life, you better damn well believe i’m not just going to sit on it because it might poop on your glittery sunshiney day. If you don’t like it, that’s really not my problem.
So really, Perfect Parents, what would you rather? Those of us who feel real human emotions bottle it up and put on the fake smile i’m quite sure you do each and every day and have gypsies running around with small children and the circus be overrun and putting the freaks and carnies out of a job, or would you rather we all just get it out in the form of furiously typing fingers and have less angry energy and more actual loving energy to spend on our brats?
No wait, let me guess, Perfect Parents…. RAINBOWS, BUTTERFLIES, LOLLIPOPS AND GLITTER! Life is a fairytale and we’re all just living in it! Be SO thankful for EVERY MOMENT! Yes, even the ones where the kids are shitting in the closet or vomiting down your shirt or screaming incessantly for an hour over something completely fucking asinine- THOSE are the moments you should cherish the most! You will miss them when they’re gone!
Yeah… How about you fuck off and go back to the nut-farm from whence you came. I’m pretty happy being my “whiny” “complaining” “negative” self, thank you very much.
What you REALLY need to make Holiday (or ANY) Travel Bearable goo.gl/fb/1BdFtj
Other moms: I finished Christmas shopping for my kids in June! Me: pic.twitter.com/FT3tlWGWd2
@CJPendragon learn something new every day!
@WeberWriting Absolutely. It takes a bit of time and juggling but it is 100% doable. Just have to ignore the sanctimommies of the world
Don't feel bad for tossing frozen chicken strips in the oven and calling it dinner. Don't even feel bad if you don't turn them over. holdinholden.com/2016/05/shit…
To the piece of crap who broke into my car over the weekend- You think you found nothing of value to steal, but you actually took with you the nasty head cold my family has been passing around in that very vehicle for the past week. Enjoy, scumbag! xoxo, Germ Infested SUV
The “Are You Ready to Have Kids?” Checklist of Doom goo.gl/fb/DTPJ1A
If anyone asks how I died, you can just go ahead and tell them "she was lured in by free pie in exchange for listening to 2nd graders screech Thanksgiving songs for 30 minutes"