"Perfect Parents"- A note on how I hope you fall off of your high horse.

I’m not sure if it’s the turn of the new year, the events of the last one, or the amount of vomit and snot that have been stuffed in the first 5 days of the new one- but sometimes a girl feels the need to rant, and now is that time for me.

Since I started my blog, there have always been those who disagree with what I have to say or how I choose to express it. It took some time getting used to, but now it’s not uncommon. There is always going to be some uptight holier-than-thou goody-two-shoes “Perfect Parent” who gets their grannies in a bunch and thinks that if you don’t believe that your children walk on water for 24 hours a day 7 days a week, then you are the DEBIL and you must be TOLD SO! Nevermind that lesson that has been taught for centuries by normal parents about how “if you have nothing nice to say, don’t say anything at all”– that has long since gone out the window, because Perfect Parents always have something nasty to say about what everyone is doing if it isn’t exactly as they would do.
You know what my new saying is?
“If you don’t have anything nice to say, you can KISS MY ASS”

Why the constant need to shit all over someone else? I’ve never been quite sure. I figure everyone deals with things in different ways, everyone at some time or another needs to let that shit out even if it comes out as nothing more than a string of expletives (as it usually does with me), or they will literally explode… and honestly, who wants to clean up entrails from their walls?

I honestly don’t know how many times I have to try and make it clear to those certain folks who consider themselves the Perfect Parents, that life is NOT all rainbows and butterflies. We all deserve to “complain” as some might put it, vent, moan, or even feel a little stabby at times and get it all out in the form of a good “old fashioned” (in quotations because seriously, the internet isn’t that old) rant.
If we sucked it up and allowed, as mothers, to put our lives on hold for 10 months; give up drinking and smoking and staying out late, be taken over by stretchmarks and cellulite, completely lose control of our bladders,  and for the most part- our brains, only to finish the process by tearing ourselves quite literally in half and then go through what can be years of sleep deprivation, screaming, worrying, whining, and the terrible 2’s,  terrifying 3’s and god awful 4’s…. you’re trying to tell me we can’t COMPLAIN every now and then?

You’re kidding me, right?

Loving our kids is one thing, OF-FUCKING-COURSE that should be unconditional, but it damn well doesn’t mean we have to LIKE them all the time.
Parenting is HARD. I don’t care how fucking perfect you think you are at it, you’re deluded. It’s hard. It’s frustrating. It can be downright annoying and you may even get the urge to sell your kids to the gypsies, on the  black market, or even just run away and join the circus- we NORMAL parents need a place to get all of our frustrations out so that we don’t take the figurative and make it literal.
If something bad happens in my life, you better damn well believe i’m not just going to sit on it because it might poop on your glittery sunshiney day. If you don’t like it, that’s really not my problem.

So really, Perfect Parents, what would you rather? Those of us who feel real human emotions bottle it up and put on the fake smile i’m quite sure you do each and every day and have gypsies running around with small children and the circus be overrun and putting the freaks and carnies out of a job, or would you rather we all just get it out in the form of furiously typing fingers and have less angry energy and more actual loving energy to spend on our brats?

No wait, let me guess, Perfect Parents…. RAINBOWS, BUTTERFLIES, LOLLIPOPS AND GLITTER! Life is a fairytale and we’re all just living in it! Be SO thankful for EVERY MOMENT! Yes, even the ones where the kids are shitting in the closet or vomiting down your shirt or screaming incessantly for an hour over something completely fucking asinine- THOSE are the moments you should cherish the most! You will miss them when they’re gone!

Yeah… How about you fuck off and go back to the nut-farm from whence you came. I’m pretty happy being my “whiny” “complaining” “negative” self, thank you very much.

Posted on January 5, 2012 by Holdin' Holden 29 Comments
Holdin' Holden

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  • I believe the tween years crap all over the toddler years….you get all that happens for toddlers with some raging hormones thrown in the mix….soooo dreading the teen years. Rant all you want those “Perfect Parents” are probably poppin’ xanaxs every couple hours just to survive.

    • The tween years weren’t so bad for me. I think it is the 13-14 period where my perfect daughter is starting to push it. When you start getting that defiant stare and she wants to address you and be addressed like an adult. That’s where the patience ends LOL. It’s tough not to lose your shit and blow up at a child when they stop being respectful little learners and turn into the society programmed self entitled hormonal boogers. I wish there was a reset button. I’d raise kids straight into double digits then start all over again rather than hear sass coming from a 14 year old. (Current kids 16-14-11-10-6-4-4)

    • Oh don’t say that…Mine just turned 11 and 2 days later she was in trouble for her attitude. Overall she’s a great kid but holy shit was she being a jerk. My husband asked if I really thought this day would never come…I can’t lie…I hoped, I really, really hoped it wouldn’t. Bright side? Take away every toy, game, bike that she likes and it funny how the attitude improved.

  • I am excited to hear you rant, vent whatever, whenever I get the chance, and my little monsters allow it…I say “Keep up the good work”, and if those crazy bitches don’t like what you do…F@ck them!

  • That’s Real Parent talk. No one has a manual, and shit dies happen. You’re oh so right. If these “perfect” parents don’t like what we say, unfriend us and move on, we have enough shit in our lives to worry about 😉 …. A Loving Mommy ( most of the time) lol

  • What brings me joy in reading this is knowing for a fact that these perfect parents are totally ill-equipped to deal when their sh!t finally does hit the fan … and it will, it always does.

  • yes, that is rather satisfying 🙂

  • You are ahead of the game if you already know that you won’t always like your children.At 31 and 29 I still threaten to sell them to the gypsies for a buck and a quarter. There was never a child so sweet or a parent so perfect that they weren’t happy to see the child asleep.

  • I heard once… “I will always love you, but right now, I don’t like you!” I have said those words to my Holden a couple of times. Keep doing what you are good at, blogging and being a NORMAL mom!! You help to keep us all sane!!

  • well said!!
    thee very reason i liked your page, and proceeded on to your blog in the first place was the utter lack of “RAINBOWS, BUTTERFLIES, LOLLIPOPS AND GLITTER”!!
    the only time you get those things in real life is when the kiddies get into the crafts {UGH the THOUGHT of glitter makes me cringe!!}.
    thanks for being real, and assuring me that i am not alone in this tug of war battle for my sanity xoxox

  • I love you. As a teacher, you say the shit I wish I could to perfect parents. Perfect parents are the reason I drink. lol

  • Amen to that!! Perfect Parents can kiss my ass as well!! I am living through the nightmare of a teenager and another one who will be one in a couple of years, the toddler years are nothing compared to teen years…..and there are moments when I just want to fire them out the window!! Of course I love them unconditionally, but holy hell….they can be the spawn of Satan at times!! I say rant on!!!

  • You hit the nail on the head yet again, and for every “real” parent out there.


    I’ll drink a rye to that!

  • Oh hell yeah we have aright to complain, I am sure the pharaohs way back when complained about their offspring. I have days when my husband has walked in the house and he sees me and says hey honey how bout I make dinner and you go take a looonnngggg bath maybe with some wine and a book, cause he knew that I was about to lose my grip on sanity. I love my kids but some days I don’t like what they are doing. I think all parents do that. If they days that everything is perfect and glittery and shiny then I just have to wonder how fucked up they really are. Kids are kids and we are all just human. I complain about my kids just like the other mommies, it makes me feel better knowing others are going through the same shit as me.

  • I Love your rant. You hit it right on the head and believe me, it doesn’t get any easier the older they get. I’m pretty sure by the time my kids get to the teen years, I’m going to be committed somewhere. Being a parent is the best thing that happened to me, but at the same time, I am pretty sure I was fucking insane when I decided to become a parent! Parenting being hard, doesn’t even describe it. It’s one of those “I have no idea what I’m doing, but I’m hoping I don’t screw this kid up too badly. I guess I will find out when I get the bill from his/her shrink in ten years” things. By the way, I hear that those “Perfect Parents” are robots so they don’t really matter anyway. 🙂

  • You mean to tell me when my kid throws an epic tantrum in the middle of a supermarket (over abso-fucking-lutely NOTHING) it isn’t beyond precious?

    The ‘perfect parents’ tend to be the ones crazy rocking themselves to sleep every night because their kids drive them bat shit crazy but they are too preoccupied covering it up to find a proper outlet.

  • I have the feeling when munchkin is a teen I will “miss” the younger years, but right now they irritate the living hell out of me. As for butterflies, rainbows, and glitter they can all kiss my ass. I will never allow that glitter crap in my house again! I had to clean it up for months after she decided to “decorate” the dogs. Normal mom’s need to vent and rant, it is the “perfect parents” that worry the hell out of me. I almost fear for the children, but they are not mine to have to worry about. I have enough to worry about with my munchkin.
    I have to say CHEERS to you, because you make me feel like we are the “normal” parents that know how to keep ourselves in a mentally healthy state, so we don’t sell our children. I have used that threat a few times, along with telling her “I love you, but I don’t like you very much right now.”

  • No they are not “perfect parents”. They are horrible role models that will probably teach their children “children are to be seen not heard” and raise their daughters that the kitchen is where they belong. Perfect parents are real people, with real morals, real feelings, and while we are generally bat shit crazy when we rant… We are teaching our children not to be passive aggressive members of society that end up like the Unabomber bc they bottled that shit up. Fuck them. I’m trying NOT to raise a sociopath! Rant on sister! Tell those twat waffles to shut it!! 🙂

  • Gosh….You made my day! Wait until your a grand-parent! I say I wish I could have skipped parenting and just have had grand-children…man this is easy compared to having your own!!

  • I read your blog because it makes me feel like I’m not going insane. I love how you say it how it is!

  • My sister: vomits rainbows and puppies all over facebook about her wonderful, sweet, intelligent kids. The reality: They’re fat, smartmouthed, disrespectful little brats. When my kids act like A-holes I don’t try to cover it up with fakery! She drives me nuts!

    • I am so glad my sister is not like that. We use each other to vent when our children (in her case her youngest because the oldest has moved it and her son decided to move in with his father when they separated) are being total a-holes. We have also threatened to ship our kids to each other, multiple times.

  • Ha thanks to those perfect parents I will always have a job 🙂 perfect parents keep therapists and counselors employed! 🙂

  • This is just pure perfection. Love how you tell it like it is…

  • Perfect parents are the ones raising self entitled little brats who cant function in society because mommy and daddy let them live in a bubble and walk on water and then the real world slaps them in the face….you kids are not perfect and nor should they be treated that way….let them learn make them think teach them manners tell them no on occassion and raise them with sense and values….it wont kill them or you if its not all rainbows and sunshine

    • Sometimes. I think it’s important as a parent to be honest not only with others, but yourself, and even your kids if the situation warrants it. We cant sugar coat everything. Some have more trouble doing it, but it’s when the judgment and negativity toward others starts coming out that you have a REAL problem with the PPs of the world

  • you just made my day… actually you make my day at least once a week… thank you for reminding me that I’m not the only normal parent out there!