After the last two nights blogs (which you can find here if ya haven’t read yet), I figured it would be slightly more inappropriate than I usually am to go straight back to talking about what is or isn’t coming out of my ass or the weird things flying from my children’s mouths.
I thought what would be more appropriate for a blog on a day like today, after what has been admitted to in an open and public forum and i’m feeling slightly vulnerable and a little embarrassed (but very touched by the responses), is the story of how Thomas and I met. It’s a good one… or a weird one… i’m honestly not sure which.
Now is the point where I wave my hands in front of you and your screen gets fuzzy.
It was my senior year of highschool. I was dating some assfaced abusive douchebag, for reasons unknown to me really- I think because every other girl told me how hot he was and I wanted to date a hot guy?
I had a friend in from out of state, and one day to kill time, along with her, another friend, crazy-boyfriend and his friend, we decided to drive about 30 minutes away to a really nice mall to window-shop (because we were teenagers, and we were all pretty broke).
For some reason that I can’t remember because it was eleventy-billion years ago, the crazy-bf and his friend decided to take a separate car than us. We could have squeezed, teenagers love to cram themselves into cars like sardines.
We followed behind them on the drive, and were stuck in some mild traffic when I noticed crazy-bf’s car pull off of the highway. Being that this was in a time before everyone on the planet had cellphones, I couldn’t just call him up to ask what the hell the problem was, so I assumed due to his asshole nature that he and his friend were just ditching us- and since us girls really wanted to go to the mall (typical)- we didn’t follow him, we continued on.
Once we got to the mall, we basically wandered, and being that I was the only one with a boyfriend in a group of 3 girls, we went trolling for boys. Wouldn’t you know it, there just so happened to be a group of 3 boys walking around to match up perfectly with our group of 3 girls. Everywhere we went, we saw them. I’m still not sure to this day if they were following us, or if it was by chance, but we took notice.
Especially my friend in from out of town, who had absolutely no shame and was not shy in the slightest (like me. in highschool I was almost painfully shy outside of music).
We’d been at the mall a few hours when it became time to eat lunch, so we decided to go to Chili’s, which was situation in the food court, and like always- there was a wait. The line wrapped all the way to the outside, so it was probably going to be a while.
Wouldn’t you know it, during our wait, who showed up again? The 3 boys. All the way across the food court, but they were there, and from what I could tell, they were looking at us.
What did my forward-without-shame friend do? Decided to invite them to eat with us. Took her happy ass, walked all the way across the food court, and told them to join us. Much to my surprise, they actually did.
Now, i’m almost embarrassed to admit this, being as I am married to one of them now, but they introduced themselves with nicknames. One was Taco, one was Sherman, and one was Peabody. I was kind of a stuck up snob, so I refused to call any of them by these names. At this point it’s been so long that I don’t remember any of them other than that Thomas was Peabody.
We chatted in line and then sat down to eat, Thomas (groan.. Peabody) sitting across from me. The entire time I thought he was good-looking, but a colossal dick. And of course, in typical teenage girl fashion, I found this charming. But I had a boyfriend, right? It seemed like this Thomas character hated me anyways.
The 6 of us ended up hanging out for the rest of the evening, even went up onto the roof and unfortunately had to listen to the sound of a Creed cover band coming from the music venue across the street.
When the night came to a close, everyone began exchanging phone numbers, AIM screen names (you remember that, right?) except for me. That’s when ‘Sherman’ walked up to me and very quietly asked for my phone number. I was a little surprised, being that we hadn’t chatted much, but I went ahead and gave him my information thinking maybe we’d chat online a few times and that would probably be the end of it.
That night when I got home, I found out what happened and where crazy-bf had been all that time: His crappy car broke down, and once he got it running, instead of coming to meet me, he decided the better option would be getting high (and I would find out months later, cheating on me). Being that I was a stuck-up-miss-prissy-pants, I was LIVID. I went home and put him on silent-treatment, and the phone rang. Can you guess who it was? Thomas. And after chatting on the phone with him, realizing he’d talked his friend into getting my phone number because his douche-bag persona was really just him hiding the fact that he liked me, I was smitten.
Four years later (and almost NONE of that spent together) we were married. If you want to know the rest of the story… well… you’ll have to get my book! And trust me.. it gets…. better.
And by better, I mean ugly.
So that’s the weird little story of how we met. Had it not been for my asshole-cheating-douchey-boyfriend’s car randomly breaking down, it never would have happened. Thanks for that, psycho.
@Julieannefiu I still sing WRAPPED UP LIKE A DOUCHE. I think they're lying about the "real" lyrics
I sang SO many embarrassingly wrong song lyrics with such confidence. pic.twitter.com/Ww5TaAxY3r
@AndreaPerez0217 Not that I'm biased, but I highly recommend ;) Hope you enjoy!
Parenthood: you think it's gonna be all hugs & booboo kisses, but it's really cooking food everyone hates & scraping boogers off of walls.
School system: Here! Have a half day on Friday the 13th! Me: pic.twitter.com/Dy18C8R3dD
Spooking the Kids Without Scarring them for LIFE With Netflix! (and a giveaway!) goo.gl/fb/tkeWgB
I've never felt more in tune with nature than while watching my 8yo barf in the front yard this morning like a wild animal. Such majesty.