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Dear Husband, these are all the things I wish I could say

Dear Husband,
I’m writing you this letter because things have changed between us. Things have changed and neither of us are happy. We aren’t the people we once were, we aren’t the couple we once were, and I am afraid for us. I’m afraid that if we continue down this path there will no longer be an “us.”

Dear Husband,
I’m sorry that you feel like I no longer want there to be an “us.” The truth is that i’m honestly not sure what I want anymore, and most days i’m not sure what you want either. And not because of you, or even because of me, but because I don’t feel like we are that “us” anymore, and I don’t know what to do to get “us” back.

Dear Husband,
I’m sorry that you feel the blame for what has become of us lies solely on you, when I know that I am equally to blame. Not one of us is at fault here, WE did this.

Dear Husband,
I’m sorry that we let our marriage fall to the bottom of the priority list, behind absolutely everything else including stress and petty bullshit. We were more important than that. We are more important than that still, aren’t we?

Dear Husband,
I’m sorry that we’ve been wrapped up so much in how we ourselves feel that we have never taken the time to consider each other. And i’m sorry that I just expect you to know how i’m feeling without ever actually telling you.

Dear Husband,
I’m sorry I don’t feel that i’m beautiful enough to let you tell me that I am, and that I have resentment toward you for never complimenting me when i’ve never allowed it.

Dear Husband,
I’m sorry that we’ve both stopped feeling as though we are appreciated and that the things we do are shot down instead of acknowledged. Little do you know that I have no idea where i’d be without you.

Dear Husband,
I’m sorry that we fight constantly about nothing at all, and then refuse to talk about it until it’s gotten to the point where we’re bitter and unhappy and there’s nothing left to say.

Dear Husband,
I’m sorry that we no longer have the courage to say what we really feel to each other because we have avoided doing so for so long that we no longer know how, and are afraid of the fight it might start.

Dear Husband,
I’m sorry that we’ve waited until it may be too late to save us to even realize we needed saving.

Dear Husband,
I have no idea where we’ll go from here, or if we’ll make it- but how can we know if we never even try, REALLY try, and not just keep saying we will with no intention to follow through? No more promises. No more. This is it. We can’t make any more excuses.

Posted on January 16, 2012 by Holdin' Holden 15 Comments
Holdin' Holden

About Holdin' Holden

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15 Comments

  • Blog spot is acting like a prick today, so I don’t know if you can get a peek at mine…but I have an entry in there called “Trust Issues.” Amazing things can happen when you try…MIRACULOUS things can happen when you BOTH try. I don’t know the circumstances, but I want to help you have hope if hope is what you need right now <3 Confrontation sucks those swinging donkey thingies, I know. But he needs to hear your heart. He can't help you fix anything if he doesn't know what is broken...and he cares love...trust me he does...or he wouldn't still be sleeping next to you at night.

  • I’ve been there. Right where you are when my kids were little and it’s scary when you can actually form the words about what has been happening (or not happening) for much too long. Addressing it the way you did with the words you did shows you take accountability for half which is what belongs to you and hopefully your husband will understand that the other half belongs to him. Only then can you begin to put it all back together, but you can. Even when it seems that you’ve fallen a long way off the track and aren’t sure how to get back on. All the best to you. You all deserve it.

  • I cannot even tell you how spot on you are. How much your post could have been written by me. It is a long hard road, and marriage is DEF not easy, by far the hardest job I have had in my life. Most days I really dont think we will make it, in fact, I dont even dream of “us” anymore- not like another person or anything, but I do not dream of our future anymore- it is always the present. I really have no great words of wisdom, but stay strong <3

  • Wow that post hit close to home! With three kids two under 4 it is soo hard to keep a marriage going strong. We struggle daily. If you get it figured out let me know! Just don’t give up!

  • Courageous. Good on you hun.

  • Hugs to you. I know what you’re feeling. I also know what Mandi is feeling. It sucks but if you are still willing to try to make it work that’s a HUGE thing. I’m not sure how willing I am anymore.

  • I’ve heard that sometimes just MAKING yourself do things can sometimes help you get into them.
    I’ve also been suggested Fireproof and The Love Dare- so I will pass along those suggestions

    hugs to all

  • Make sure he reads this. You can’t fix it unless you both acknowledge that something’s wrong.

    When most of your time is devoted to looking after little kids sometimes you forget about each other.

  • Yes, I am afraid u speak for many with small children and SAHM’s too. I am happy to say my hub n I have been married 20 years this month but it wasn’t until 3 years ago that I realized how much of me, us whatever was gone (my YS was 3,MS 5, OS 8) I was miserable inside had so little self worth, hubs was clueless really he’s busy working his ass off to provide. I was a total mombie I love being a mom I love my hubs I didn’t love what trying to be so many things to so many ppl made me. I started slowly getting some of me back began working outside the HM part-time then began working out again doing girls nite out those things gave me some of me back I felt confident in myself again I was able to b a better me again which saved my marriage from self destruction. I hope ur hubs has the resilience to want to give u some of u back and it is rough during the toddler ages it does get better 😉

  • It seems your blog tonight hit home alot. My hubby and I are going through a very rough patch. I have been a stay at home mom for a while. I have aan 8 yr old daughter who was just diagnosed ADHD and bipolar and a 3 yr old son in preschool for a speech delay. Plus, I am back in college. I have felt very much like this lately. I agree with the last girl. But finding the time to do things just for me is very hard to do when I never know what time the husband is gonna be home. Good luck to you. All things are possible if you try!

  • Fireproof is awesome! Having small children seems to be a huge stresser (sp) on a relationship. It was for us. keep “holdin’ on” ……

  • the book Five Love Languages can be pretty helpful.

  • Oh lady, I’m right there with you on this..

  • i wish i had seen this this time last year. maybe my marriage would have been saved. i tried to talk to my husband, he ignored me. i asked him how he felt, he turned up the radio. i asked him to be intimate, he slept in the living rm. then he had an affair, and now we have been separated for almost 6 months, and filing for divorce. you still have a chance, he is still there. keep at it, dont give up. good luck

  • You can still be together… My husband and I went through this 10-15 years ago. Our kids were small. We are together still, better and stronger then the day we married. It takes work but it is SO IINCREDIBLY WORTH IT for the entire family… You can do it. It can be, not just good, but much much better