Although I was once a child, a gazillion years ago, and at times my maturity level leaves a lot to be desired- I am far out of touch with many of the things small children are obsessed with today.
Spinning in circles until I fall down? Yeah, no thanks, i’d prefer not to see my lunch again.
Climbing on furniture and then purposely falling off directly onto my skull? Hmmm, i’ll have to take a pass on that one, just doesn’t sound like a good time!
Watching the same episode of the same annoying fucking show a billion and one times, all in one week’s span? Why the fuck isn’t one or TWO views enough? At least give it a year before you watch it again.
Insisting on sleeping with things that wreak of piss and sweat? Why, on god’s green earth, would I EVER want to do that? I prefer cleanliness.
Although… I do have to admit that jumping on the bed, even as an adult, is a good fucking time to be had, but don’t’ EVER tell my kids I said so or i’ll deny it and call you a filthy fucking liar…. but I digress.
There are many times where kids make not a damn bit of sense to me (like the scenarios listed above), and one of the MAIN reasons currently is bathtub water.
Yes, bathtub water.
Personally, I don’t like to sit naked in a warm stagnant pot of my own filth, but I can see how some might find it relaxing- but my spawn and spawn all over the world seem to take great pleasure in DRINKING it.
Can someone, for the love of all that is holy, explain to me what the FLYING FUCK the appeal is of dirty tub water?? I’d really like to know. I must know! Am I missing out on the fountain of youth or some deliciously refreshing beverage? It seems my kids would think so.
Is it the murky grey color of the water after multiple dirty asses have been sitting in it? The luke-warm temperature? The hair carelessly floating around? The possibility of ingesting toe lint or dead skin particles?
They will drink this filth water ANY way they can get it. They will fill up tub toys with them and slurp it out like it is the most magnificent beverage on the face of the planet, and when I catch them and am completely horrified and take the toys AWAY? Well, they just stick their faces straight into the water. No need for the middle man; so i’m thinking, there MUST be something i’m missing here.
Is this why their skin stays so smooth? Or why they have an endless source of energy? Have they unlocked the secret of everlasting life? If so, i’ll be gulping that disgusting liquid up by the gallon… if not… I think the kids need muzzles in the bathtub.
You wouldn't sniff a stranger's butt to see who pooped their pants.... so you probably shouldn't do these other parental things to strangers, either. holdinholden.com/2017/12/weir…
Weird Things you do for your kids but not Strangers goo.gl/fb/oVuwvG
Tis the season! pic.twitter.com/5VgMLnt22E
I am weak pic.twitter.com/LYdRQ6EZcC
You know that feeling when you don't chew a chip all the way and it cuts you all the way down and you swear it's gonna kill you, but you go ahead have another right after? That's what it's like when you decide to have another kid.