Bathtub water: Fountain of youth?

Although I was once a child, a gazillion years ago, and at times my maturity level leaves a lot to be desired- I am far out of touch with many of the things small children are obsessed with today.

Spinning in circles until I fall down? Yeah, no thanks, i’d prefer not to see my lunch again.

Climbing on furniture and then purposely falling off directly onto my skull? Hmmm, i’ll have to take a pass on that one, just doesn’t sound like a good time!

Watching the same episode of the same annoying fucking show a billion and one times, all in one week’s span? Why the fuck isn’t one or TWO views enough? At least give it a year before you watch it again.

Insisting on sleeping with things that wreak of piss and sweat? Why, on god’s green earth, would I EVER want to do that? I prefer cleanliness.

Although… I do have to admit that jumping on the bed, even as an adult, is a good fucking time to be had, but don’t’ EVER tell my kids I said so or i’ll deny it and call you a filthy fucking liar…. but I digress.

There are many times where kids make not a damn bit of sense to me (like the scenarios listed above), and one of the MAIN reasons currently is bathtub water.
Yes, bathtub water.

Personally, I don’t like to sit naked in a warm stagnant pot of my own filth, but I can see how some might find it relaxing- but my spawn and spawn all over the world seem to take great pleasure in DRINKING it.

Can someone, for the love of all that is holy, explain to me what the FLYING FUCK the appeal is of dirty tub water?? I’d really like to know. I must know! Am I missing out on the fountain of youth or some deliciously refreshing beverage? It seems my kids would think so.
Is it the murky grey color of the water after multiple dirty asses have been sitting in it? The luke-warm temperature? The hair carelessly floating around? The possibility of ingesting toe lint or dead skin particles?

They will drink this filth water ANY way they can get it. They will fill up tub toys with them and slurp it out like it is the most magnificent beverage on the face of the planet, and when I catch them and am completely horrified and take the toys AWAY? Well, they just stick their faces straight into the water. No need for the middle man; so i’m thinking, there MUST be something i’m missing here.

Is this why their skin stays so smooth? Or why they have an endless source of energy? Have they unlocked the secret of everlasting life? If so, i’ll be gulping that disgusting liquid up by the gallon… if not… I think the kids need muzzles in the bathtub.

Posted on January 20, 2012 by Holdin' Holden 10 Comments
Holdin' Holden

About Holdin' Holden



  • I feel you on this one. My son liked to lay down face first in the bathtub and blow bubbles before taking a gulp of it. Thank God he grew out of it, but still he likes to stay in the bathtub for an hour!

  • Yup. We call it “Butt Soup” at our house. Always a favorite….

  • I can totally relate to this one… My two do it ALL the time!!! Disgusting! And I think the more disgusted they realize I am, the more the little shits do it!

  • I can’t even comment on this. My story is too traumatizing to relive. It involves a rubber duckie, drinking bath water, and an episode of the baby’s diarrhea. Enough said.

  • I never got that either…until my 3rd baby (and only girl). She was happily laying in the water one night when she ever so leisurely turned her head to take a dainty sip when it hit me – it reminds her of being in the tummy! Where they drink their amniotic fluid, just to pee it out, to drink it again. My theory is that it’s a habit they’re born with that they just need to be broken of. Of course, there’s always the gross-out factor when they hear us well “why would you put thatg filthy water in your mouth?!” 🙂

  • Okay so I have been telling my hubby how fuckin cool you are and how dr phil can fuck himself..all we need is people like you!! tonight while readin this blog to him, he told me to stop or he would puke.. Naturally I kept on going!! (Cuz my balls are sooo much bigger than his!!!) Girl I need you in my life!! Have you ever considerd doing an advice column?? I think you would rock at it!!!

  • LOL give it a try, let us know how that works out for you o.O
    i’m with murphyzlaw, you could so do an advice column!!

  • OMG my daughter always tries to drink her bathwater. It’s also nearly impossible to argue with “But Mo-o-o-om, I’m thirsty!” Doesn’t stop me from explaining for the millionth time that dirty soapy bathwater is NOT meant to be drank and if she’s that freakin’ thirsty she can quit playing with her bath toys and get out of the tub!

  • Mine never drank tub water, but every single time her but hit the water she took a massive shit.

  • My two girls used to do that until my husband took a cup of toilet water (using gloves of course) and asked them if they wanted to to take a sip of it since it’s the same thing…..that sure made them stop!!! Kids are so digusting sometimes, thank goodness they’ve grown out of it!!