Being that everyone is out having a good ass time and getting absolutely shitfacewasted watching some stupid glittery ball anticlimactically “drop” down a pole, and i’m stuck on the couch icing my back so that I don’t go completely insane and tear my spine out, i’ll keep this short.
I am GLAD to see 2011 go. I think I say that about every year, and that’s because every year has it’s fair share of SUCK. It also has a great deal of kick-ass, but when you end a year with a fucked up back, one kid puking his guts out all day, and the other one hacking so hard he cries in pain… you say FUCK YEAH to it ending.
2011 was the first year I actually made a resolution and kept it; really it’s the first year I made a resolution I actually intended on even TRYING to keep. I wrote the book, I released the book, i’m happy with the book.
How do you top a resolution like that?? I certainly am not going to make the same goal because fuck if I want to push myself that hard again so soon after just doing it, mama needs a break. So what do I do? Just make a resolution to have a more positive, less whiny year? But what if I like my ranting? What if I like to bitch??
No no, being more positive just won’t do.
I don’t know what my resolution for 2012 will be other than for it not to suck so damn hard; I don’t even know if i’ll really make one.. but I do have some new years notes:
1. Don’t drink and drive. Duh. DO drink and Facebook. Please for the love of all that is holy, drink and Facebook. If I have to be a lame ass who’s stuck home on what is easily the biggest party night of the year- you can at least make a complete ass out of yourself on the internet for me to laugh at.
2. Don’t even try to pretend like you know the words to Auld Lang Syne. It makes you look like an idiot… actually, that works for me. Videotape it.
3. Don’t make a resolution unless you really plan on keeping it. What the hell is the point otherwise?? Trust me, it feels good to actually accomplish it instead of saying the old “this year i’m going to lose weight!” and then proceeding to sit on the couch and eat an entire bag of buttered popcorn. Every day. Don’t do that.
So, Happy New Year and all that shit. May 2012 not be full of as much SUCK as 2011 was for the majority of us.
Please stop Complimenting my kids’ “Good” Behavior goo.gl/fb/rwfojS
Hard pass from me pic.twitter.com/VayvW1eopK
I've gotten to the point where I'd let my kids summon a demon with a Ouija board before I'd let them play Monopoly together again.
Parenthood is when you start counting the minutes to bed time before 11am.
ALL the Movies Revealed at Disney’s D23 Expo! goo.gl/fb/Bdr8vT