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The fair-weather helper

Holden’s not a bad kid, let’s start by making that clear. Yes, he is going through the ‘God awful 4s’ and whines more than a tea pot when it’s all steamed up, but he’s a sweet well-mannered kid otherwise.

Like I said in last night’s blog, he minds his P’s and Q’s, says thank you without prompting (please notsomuch) and when it doesn’t have to do with toys, is very considerate of his stingy little brother.

All that being said- I have begun to notice a trend in his helping skills as of late.

I don’t really ask much of him, but sometimes I just need an extra set of hands and he’s at the age and mental capacity to where he can offer them when no other adult is around to do so.

Stuck on the toilet with no TP?
I call for Holden

Icing my back and can’t reach my drink or, god forbid, the remote?
Holden

Parker dropped his toy and it has fallen literally one single inch from Holden’s hand?
you damn well better believe i’m asking Holden.

Does he actually do any of these things? 7 times out of 10- absolutely not. Why? Because he is a selfish little 4 year old who generally only does things when the end result benefits him, that’s why.

What, exactly, would he get out of cleaning up his toys that are strewn all over the fucking house? A sense of accomplishment? Yeah right. The only one who enjoys clean floors, free of cars that threaten to break my neck with every turn is ME.

And how, pray-tell, would giving Parker back his toy benefit Holden? It wouldn’t! Holden is immune to the sound of whining (since he does it so much himself) so what does he care if Parker throws a 30-minute long fit over a tiny plastic Santa he calls “Ho Ho”?

I noticed this ugly trend today, as I was getting up for the 2nd time to refill the bowl of grapes during the boys snack time.
In sauntered Holden, and he immediately took the bowl from me as I was hunched into the fridge picking out the grapes that weren’t half soggy.
“Here, i’ll help you Mommy! I can hold the bowl!”
And just as I was about to say thank you for his kind, and completely unprovoked show of generous assistance, I realized why he was suddenly being so helpful- and he ran away with the bowl. Shit head. Needless to say, I didn’t get any of those fucking grapes, and i’ll be thinking twice about letting him help me again.

Remember folks: they always have an agenda. Sneaky little politicians, they are!
That is the future of our world. May the gods have mercy on us all!

Posted on December 6, 2011 by Holdin' Holden 4 Comments
Holdin' Holden

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4 Comments

  • Whenever I ask mine to help his brother with anything..he tells me “I’m tired of always doing Holdyn’s work…I’m not doing it anymore!!”

  • I can’t WAIT for Parker to say that!

  • this is so true and scary. the key to it is attempt to be smarter than them and find a way to make them think it benefits them somehow. mine usually come back with why can’t you do it? although mine are older and youngest cant talk yet. sorry but I got a good chuckle over him running off with your grapes lol

  • LOL “the god awful 4s”
    sorry to say dear, it doesn’t get much better at 5.
    but that’s ok, because as long as your boys are doing things to make you go “wtf?!” or just picking away at your sanity, i will have ample reading material hehe