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Becoming a Wal-Mart Mom

Since popping out my two ankle-biters, life has changed drastically. I would have to say that the majority is for the good, but like with everything else in life, there is always a downside.
I have become a hermit. There are no two ways about it, a full fledged couch-surfing homebody. The thought of getting two kids ready to go out and then having to hover over them so they don’t break something or get snatched by a weirdo is exhausting in itself, actually DOING it? Not gonna happen unless I have another pair of hands.
Most days (and by most i mean 99%) the boys and I just stay home. We don’t go anywhere, we don’t see anyone- an on these days, I have to wonder to myself: WHY the hell am I even bothering to get dressed? 
What is the point of going through stripping and re-dressing two kids who want nothing to do with clothes and then attempting to make myself look presentable if there is no one to look presentable for?
Really, WHAT is the point? Wouldn’t lazing around the house be more comfortable if I weren’t wearing constricting jeans?
As I was dressing the boys today, one in a nice sweater, and one in a button down shirt he insisted on wearing, I nearly smacked myself. WHY am I wasting their good clothes on a day that no one is going to see them? Why not put them in the ugliest mismatching outfits possible and save the good stuff for the weekends when our skin actually sees daylight (and not just through windows)?
They’re only going to succeed in fucking it up (and fuck it up they did, with pink liquid tylenol), and then when we actually DO go out i’ll be stuck with the ugly shit that has people looking at me cross-eyed like i’m the parent who can’t be bothered to dress her kids nicely.
I have to tell you that there are days where I am half tempted to become a “Wal-Mart mom”- and you know exactly what i’m talking about. Not just the refusal to get dressed to go out and looking like a roving landbeast, but those who look like they specifically put on the dirtiest, nastiest, moth-eaten, ill-fitting thing thing they own to go to Wal-mart.  The kind you look at and think to yourself “sweet baby Jesus don’t let that EVER be me”- but in the back of your mind wonder how freeing it must be to just not give a damn anymore.
They have given in to their inner-mom, the epitome of what some people think a Mom should really be like.
And then I have to smack the shit out of myself again- NO, I WILL NOT DO IT, AND YOU CAN’T MAKE ME! “Mom” is not a 4-letter word and while some give it a bad name, I refuse to! 
My kids might be disgusting, but damnit, we’re all going to do our best to look like super models even if the only people who ever see us is each other.
I will chant to myself every morning from now on: I will not be a wildebeest, I will not be a wildebeest, I will not be a wildebeast… even if the pajamas are calling my name, I will suck it up, put on a thong, and squeeze into my damn jeans!
Posted on December 14, 2011 by Holdin' Holden 2 Comments
Holdin' Holden

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2 Comments

  • *giggles*

    Wildebeast.

    *LAUGHS*

    Yes, I think I go through that too… but slightly skewed.

    I work… Emry’s in school.
    So, he’s always in his best for school… But, on the weekends, I want nothing more than my sweats, and for him to LIVE in those PAJAMAS.

    Then we have to go out, and even though, we are dressed 5 days out of the week…. I have to force myself to get myself dressed in somthing OTHER THAN SWEATS, and Emry looking halfway decent.

    But, you’re right, I make myself dress, because I do not want someone to look at me as the “wildebeast”

  • I used to get tempted too…and once I did go in wearing my painting clothes, mascara only, and a ponytail ;( I worked at Wal~Mart almost 2 years as a cashier. I have to tell Y’all that some of the things I saw and had the misfortune of having to wait on was enough to give a person nightmares 🙁
    HOWEVER…I am willing to bet that Y’all could try your hardest, for a month and still never look as hideous, unclean, or even remotely resemble what we, the cashiers called—“Circus-Skanks and their half-clown half-wildebeast offspring”…(at least we speculated they were part human-like offspring, but no-one really knew for sure what species they or the parents were) lol…:)