I have so much fun blogging, and interacting with people on my Facebook page, that sometimes I forget just the realness of it all.
The book was meant to be released last night, and due to personal reasons that I cannot disclose, I had to pull the release until I can get a few things cleared up.
I was absolutely heartbroken to have to delay something I have worked so hard on for such stupid reasons. I built up the day, had it marked on the calendar, and had to watch it slip away from me.
That is when I began to think: maybe it’s meant to be this way. Obviously, the book WILL come out, I am absolutely determined, maybe now even more than ever, but maybe November 15th just wasn’t meant to be. Maybe it was just too easy. And what in life that is meaningful and worth remembering is easy? My children certainly weren’t; two incredibly rough pregnancies, a hell of a lot of doubt and stress and moments of panic and doubt- but those worked out so incredibly well, and I don’t think I would change any of it for the world. Maybe my book is intended to be the same way. Maybe it’s worth waiting for, even if it hurts me.
I am torn as to what to do, or how to feel. I know I should stay positive, but sometimes, as a human being, that is a hard thing to do when emotions take the forefront of any situation.
I just thought I should update everyone on where I am, and what is going on with the book (as much as I can, anyways), as I have not felt my usual “funny” self, and sadly have not even wanted to blog because of how I have been feeling.
It’s funny, I was sitting on the couch today, upset, and Holden says to me
“Mommy, are you sick?”
to which I reply “No, i’m sad”
and he says, nonchalantly, “Do you need to go doodoo?”
As if all problems could be solved by a nice big shit. I wish everything were that simple!
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