it’s not that I have some sort of God complex, or i’m a weirdo who thinks that i’m so important that my name needs to be spoken in every sentence, as if i’m talking about the best person on the planet- but the longer I am a parent, the more often I find myself speaking in the 3rd person.
When it comes to little kids, just telling them to do something doesn’t always seem to do the trick; actually, it almost never does the trick come to think of it. While I like to think that my kids are pretty well behaved, every child has an evil streak where they just don’t give a fuck what anyone says, and in those instances, you pull the mom card. As ridiculous as it may feel doing it, somehow, when you say to your screaming child
“BECAUSE MOMMY SAID SO!”- even though you are mommy, it has a much larger impact. Why that is? Fuck if I know, but I know that I do it, I feel stupid after every time I catch myself doing it, but it works. You can’t argue with what works.
While I feel silly speaking about myself as if i’m the president (and I am, of this household anyways, but that’s beside the point), there is one thing that sounds even more ridiculous, and actually makes me feel a little dirty to say, and that is calling Thomas “Daddy”
Look, I KNOW that for all intents and purposes, he IS the boys Daddy- but it just sounds so wrong coming out of my mouth. Clearly, I can’t call him “Thomas” to the kids, because they’d look at me like “who the fuck is that?”
Still, every time I say something along the lines of “Daddy bought two-percent milk again!”– I feel like i’m talking about my pimp, and my pimp would backhand the ever loving shit out of my for nay-saying his milk selection. YOU ARE NOT MY DADDY, THOMAS! I just have to make that clear.
I think as long as I call him Daddy in the presence of the boys, and have not slipped up and said it once they’ve gone to bed, i’ll be ok. Once I start doing that, I really might deserve a backhand to the face.
You wouldn't sniff a stranger's butt to see who pooped their pants.... so you probably shouldn't do these other parental things to strangers, either. holdinholden.com/2017/12/weir…
Weird Things you do for your kids but not Strangers goo.gl/fb/oVuwvG
Tis the season! pic.twitter.com/5VgMLnt22E
I am weak pic.twitter.com/LYdRQ6EZcC
You know that feeling when you don't chew a chip all the way and it cuts you all the way down and you swear it's gonna kill you, but you go ahead have another right after? That's what it's like when you decide to have another kid.