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The revenge of Satan Clause

My boys have a love/hate relationship with the one known as “Santa.”
They understand that he brings the presents, and they’ve been told they have to be good boys and sit on his lap and tell him what they want (other than Parker, who currently can’t do that)- but to actually follow through with their ‘part’ in the deal is another story altogether.

When Holden was born in September, it was easy to take him to see Santa and to have it be a non-issue. He loved just about everyone to hold him, so placing him in the arms of Jolly old Saint Nick was no biggie. He just sat there, looking cute (and like the Michelin Man) and got his picture snapped. He probably felt somewhat at home, “hey i’m not the only fat guy on the block!”

I hadn’t thought of making it a tradition, just a “baby’s first” kind of deal, so the next year we skipped Santa altogether… and then Parker came into the picture. Another baby’s first- and while Parker did the same as Holden (as he was also a little lump that didn’t mind being passed around like a 6-pack of beer), Holden had grown up a tad and saw Santa as something far more sinister.
He seemed fine up until it was our turn to see the big man, and then like the switch of a light, he completely panicked- threw himself on the floor spread eagle and screamed. I literally had to attempt to drag him by the arm because he went completely limp on me.
This strange man wants me to sit on his lap?? I DON’T CARE IF HE HAS PRESENTS! STRANGER DANGER, LADY!
It was ugly, and I have the photo to prove it.
I feared I had scarred the child for life. Not enough to where he complained about Santa coming down the chimney in a murderous rampage, but to where I never thought he’d sit on Santa’s lap again.
When Christmas last year came along, I had talked Santa up for MONTHS. By that time, he was over 3, and Parker a little over 1 (the age we had skipped for Holden). I thought they’d both be ok, and Holden seemed into the idea of telling Santa what he wanted, hell, we even practiced and had down pat the little speech he’d give him and what he would tell Santa he wanted.
The time came, once again it was our turn… and fail. Big fat fail. Holden refused to even go near him, and being that he was the age and the size to where I couldn’t just plop him in Santa’s lap and snap the picture like lightning before a Chernobyl sized meltdown, I didn’t force the issue.
Parker, however, did not have a choice… and when we saw the reaction we had, we were happy we’d skipped the 1 year old Santa-lap-sitting for Holden.
Yes, the pictures are absolutely hysterical… but also a little sad! 
I so desperately wanted Holden to try again, that after weeks of talking to him about it and basically groveling, he agreed to give it another shot, and can you guess how that went?
Yep, another failure. He panicked so bad we couldn’t even get a picture… but of course, once we walked away he realized the error of his ways and BEGGED to go back- but would not get within 2 feet of the big man, and insisted on having Daddy in the picture as a buffer.
Isn’t that just the face of a child who loves him some Santa?
This year? I decided to try a practice run. Bass pro shop does free Santa photos, so if both kids freaked the fuck out it wouldn’t be a big deal if the pictures looked like crap, as compared to other places that make you pay for prints (the ones of Parker screaming so large you can see his erupting molars, for instance).
If i’m being honest, I can tell you that I did NOT have high hopes. I thought it would be a repeat of the year before, complete and total humiliation, and having the kids once again thinking Santa was just the conveniently rearranged spelling of Satan.
Color me completely shocked when Holden walked right up to Santa and hopped in his lap like it was no big deal… Parker on the other hand wasn’t having any part of it whatsoever- and I could have forced him to sit, but this particular Santa couldn’t even lift Holden up, so I thought it was unlikely that he could contain a screaming writhing 2 year old.
This was the best we could do:
Unfortunately this year, what I forgot to do was prep Holden on what to ask for, what to say… because of course, the age old standard question comes up “What do you want for Christmas this year?”
And Holden’s response?
 “Stuff”
Way to go.
Will we try again this year? Eeeehhhhhh, that’s up in the air. I don’t think Parker is going to be changing his mind about Satan… I mean, Santa Clause before Christmas. I guess that means i’ll have to put coal in his stocking.
Posted on November 27, 2011 by Holdin' Holden 0 Comment
Holdin' Holden

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