The random things I am thankful for

I know at this time of year, people like to post things in their lives that they are thankful for. Friends, family, shmoopy mushy blah blah blah.
Let’s get read- that’s not exactly my style. Of course I am thankful for those things, but what fun is a shmoopy lovey dovey post?

I will now post the random weird things that a weirdo like me would be thankful for, but things I don’t think should be so easily overlooked.

1. I am thankful that Holden is no longer shitting in his bed and then hiding it in the closet during nap time. A game of “find that turd” is really a one-time-only funfest. After that it just gets disgusting… and stinky. Finding fossilized shit in a closet is highly overrated.

2. I am thankful that my stomach seems to no longer be sick. While I can appreciate my stomach’s insistence on not keeping anything in it, and helping me lose a little weight- what fun is Thanksgiving if you can’t bear to eat anything because you fear blowing up the bathroom while everyone else is stuffing their faces with fantasmic food?

3. I am thankful that it’s not freezing ass cold outside. I am not a fan of a white Christmas. I am not a fan of snow in general. Good old “global warming” sure is a friend of mine. I won’t be able to wear a t-shirt, but at least I don’t have to bundle up in a sweater and feel like i’m going to explode out of it after eating 15 plates of food.

4. I am thankful that Thanksgiving is NOT AT MY HOUSE. It’s not that I hate hosting parties… I just find them stressful, I don’t like having a gazillion screaming kids in my house, I hate cooking and even more I hate cleaning. And did I mention my carpet? it is in dire need of a deep, intensive steam cleaning. It’s disgusting, and not only do I find it embarrassing (we JUST steam cleaned in September), but I fear that having a ton of feet stomping around on it will be the end of it, and then where would I be? I never thought i’d say that I miss hardwood floors… but damn those were the days.

5. I am thankful that Parker has temporarily stopped pissing on my couch. It seemed like every day for 2 weeks there he would just unleash his bladder into a cushion, no warning. Poor pissy couch, I am glad you are getting a break. You still need to go, though.

6. I am thankful my Dad lives nearby and therefore we do not have to “travel” for this holiday. Two words: FUCK TRAFFIC. I delivered pizza for a year and I have some serious road rage left over from idiot drivers. Add holiday panic and idiocy to the mix and I swear i’d end up ramming someone for cutting me off or driving 15 miles under the speed limit like people love to do in this great state.

Ahhh I feel better now. Isn’t it great to be thankful for things? Even the weird, random little things?
What randomness are YOU thankful for?

Posted on November 23, 2011 by Holdin' Holden 1 Comment
Holdin' Holden

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