An ode to friends without children

I remember the days where the hardest part about going out was figuring out what to wear. Hours spent primping and modeling in the mirror, trying to make myself look like what I deemed to be presentable.

My how things have changed.

oh, it still takes me the same amount of time to get ready, but for a far different reason: KIDS.

Bless my friends hearts for inviting out a lonely old housewife, they have the best intentions, and I always end up the asshole who has to say no.

No, it’s the kids dinner time.
I wouldn’t feel right leaving Thomas alone with them… again.
I’m already in my pajamas…. yes, I realize it isn’t even 9pm.
No, we don’t have a sitter.

Even if the event is kid friendly, there’s just so much random shit that goes into taking out 2 kids for more than 30 minutes at a time that it’s no wonder i’ve become a recluse.

Do we need to bring their milks?
Should we bring an extra change of clothes for Parker in case, God forbid, he pisses himself in public?
Do they need a snack?
Where the fuck is his other shoe?
What temperature is it outside? Do they need jackets? Where did we put the light jacket?
how late will we be there? I sure as shit don’t want them falling asleep on the way home and then staying up fucking night.


No longer are the carefree days of being able to run out of the door on a whim whenever the fuck I want, and as well intentioned as my friends without children may be, I don’t think they fully grasp that.

ONE DAY they will… but for now, asshole Jenny it is.

Posted on November 11, 2011 by Holdin' Holden 4 Comments
Holdin' Holden

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  • My God this is so true! They just don’t understabd his much if a ta do it is just to walk out the door let aline be away from the house for any length of time, but glad to know im not the only bitch 🙂

  • Amen! Most of my friends don’t get it. If I get a sitter we sit in the car for 20 mins trying to decide what to do.

  • This is so true! I have three kids and it is a monumental pain in the ass to get them ready to go anywhere. by the time the third kid is dressed and ready to go, the first one is dirty again already. My friends have always been great about inviting me to do things, and I usually say no because I know the process of getting them there looking like somewhat presentable kids is just too big of a pain. What I really hate is when these “supermoms” have their kids involved in every activity under the sun and manage to have all their kids looking perfect while mine look more like little hoodlums lol I have come to the conclusion that all happy kids will get dirty and will not look perfect all the time.

  • OMG I remember those days. Until one day, I grabbed my big ass purse, threw a bottle, a diaper and a change of clothes for me and wrapped the girl child in a blanket and went on a road trip for five days. I came back wiser. But the diaper rash was a real bitch. Girl child didn’t care she was in her onesie almost the entire damn time.