I remember the days where the hardest part about going out was figuring out what to wear. Hours spent primping and modeling in the mirror, trying to make myself look like what I deemed to be presentable.
My how things have changed.
oh, it still takes me the same amount of time to get ready, but for a far different reason: KIDS.
Bless my friends hearts for inviting out a lonely old housewife, they have the best intentions, and I always end up the asshole who has to say no.
No, it’s the kids dinner time.
I wouldn’t feel right leaving Thomas alone with them… again.
I’m already in my pajamas…. yes, I realize it isn’t even 9pm.
No, we don’t have a sitter.
Even if the event is kid friendly, there’s just so much random shit that goes into taking out 2 kids for more than 30 minutes at a time that it’s no wonder i’ve become a recluse.
Do we need to bring their milks?
Should we bring an extra change of clothes for Parker in case, God forbid, he pisses himself in public?
Do they need a snack?
Where the fuck is his other shoe?
What temperature is it outside? Do they need jackets? Where did we put the light jacket?
how late will we be there? I sure as shit don’t want them falling asleep on the way home and then staying up fucking night.
No longer are the carefree days of being able to run out of the door on a whim whenever the fuck I want, and as well intentioned as my friends without children may be, I don’t think they fully grasp that.
ONE DAY they will… but for now, asshole Jenny it is.
Did you know that toothpaste becomes stronger than concrete if left on surfaces for too long? I didn't either. Thanks, kids!
Y'all can keep your creepy little elves- my kids live in fear of the PRESENT PRISON. holdinholden.com/2014/12/the-…
Cut Yourself some Christmas Slack goo.gl/fb/4WVJe2
My day as a parent isn't complete until I've threatened to sell at least one of my children on the black market. Twice. At least.
He only has himself to blame pic.twitter.com/UffL59jSmz
I'm forever teaching my kids to never say never... but... I'm breaking my own rules, here. NEVER EVER EVER will there be an elf on my shelf. Here's why: holdinholden.com/2012/11/why-…
If you have the desire to be in charge of someone else's bedtime who listens to you even less than you listen to yourself when you say "GO TO SLEEP ALREADY!"- having kids is definitely for you.