After going to bed early last night in order to avoid continuing to empty the contents of my stomach through the rear hatch, falling asleep with a white strip on my teeth and then waking up at midnight with the most sensitive teeth on earth, attempting for an hour to fall back asleep only to wake up and still feel so nauseous that I couldn’t bare to eat breakfast and ended up feeling shaky and weak, I knew it was going to be a bad day.
And then I was reminded that the boys 6 month dental check-up was this afternoon.
The last thing I wanted to do was leave the house- but to have to take the kids somewhere that they have to be monitored constantly while i’m quite literally feeling like shit? Not exactly my idea of a fun time.
Let me just give you the highlights or our ordeal.
1. I now realize why I never wanted children 6 years ago. Other peoples kids SUCK. And i’m sure people thought the same about mine. When people say “It’s totally different when you have your own”- they are NOT LYING. There are days where I don’t even find the crap my own kids pull tolerable- cooped up into a waiting room with bratty strangers’ kids for over an hour? I can’t ever tolerate that crap.
2. Yes, we waited for over an hour. The office-I-shall-not-mention-the-name-of-but-claims-to-cater-to-kids? They suck. The “playground” they have in the waiting room is about 1/3 of the size of the one in the commercial and beat the fuck up. They also messed up our insurance information, attempted to tell me our dental plan was expired (even though the card I had clearly stated it was JUST renewed in September), had to re-confirm the whole damn thing, and apparently due to that stuck us at the end of the list.
3. Holden fails at water fountains. Usually I take a water bottle with me everywhere, but since my brain was not functioning at full capacity due to lack of sustenance, I forgot it. He complained for water for a good 20 minutes until in an overly-frustrated moment I told him to go and use the water fountain. Mistake. I doubt he got a single sip of water; instead it soaked his face, hair, shirt, and jacket. And then he complained about that, too.
4. He is also a public nose-picker. Look, I can admit I pick my nose. Sometimes you just have a booger that needs to COME OUT. I also have both of my nostrils pierced and sometimes the posts bother me- but even still, I try to keep a low profile if I have to dig a finger up there to get something dislodged. Not Holden. He picks and doesn’t care who sees him do it, and when I tell him NOT to- he argues with me (loudly) as to why he “needs” to.
5. Parker shares my loathing of dentists. I always hate going because in the paperwork there are boxes you have to check off, just in case your child doesn’t like having fingers and metal tools crammed into their mouths, that gives the assistants permission to hold them down/tie them to a board/hit them over the head with a mallet (ok, so i’m kidding about that last one). I’d never honestly allow any of those things, but I did have to hold the kid in my lap and help get his mouth open so it could be properly cleaned. Meanwhile, Holden is chatting up the hygienist working on his mouth about molars. Holden is the opposite of me when it comes to going to the dentist. This would freak me out, but you can’t complain about someone with good oral hygiene.
6. While I am patting myself on the back for being a toothbrushing-nazi, because neither boy has any cavities, it always makes me feel like shit (even though I know there’s not much to be done that could have prevented it) when I am informed, yet again, that Holden has a cross-bite and Parker has an over-bite.
7. In the end, this place didn’t even have any toys. TWO HOURS at that hell-hole and they had nothing to reward two little boys with other than some extra stickers… which they showed their distaste for by sticking them all to the kitchen wall once we got home.
I think next time I will play up my sickness (or fake it altogether) and have Thomas take the boys. It’s no wonder I hate the dentist so much.
Please stop Complimenting my kids’ “Good” Behavior goo.gl/fb/rwfojS
Hard pass from me pic.twitter.com/VayvW1eopK
I've gotten to the point where I'd let my kids summon a demon with a Ouija board before I'd let them play Monopoly together again.
Parenthood is when you start counting the minutes to bed time before 11am.
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