Every now and then, Monday will pass by (being terrible as usual) and move on to Tuesday, which is typically a vast improvement… and I will nearly forget that the day has passed, because Tuesday is so God-awful that it feels like Monday all over again. Groundhogs day, if you will… and I am not a fan.
I love Tuesdays for the sole fact that they are NOT Monday, but after today, I think I may hate Tuesday even more.
Much to my chagrin, it has been added to my shit-list, because today (and I could SWEAR it isn’t actually Tuesday and it has to be a sick joke of some sort) was so fucking bad that i’m calling for a do-over.
After yesterday, where I feared shitting my brains out all day and then spending 2 hours at the dentist with 2 whiny kids, I didn’t think it could get a hell of a lot worse. Anything had to be an improvement over that, right? *snort* wrong. Today was so bad, so terrible, that I have this feeling it’s going to come out as a long string of whining mixed with expletives, but I started this blog as a place to vent… so perhaps if someone else out there can find my misfortune slightly amusing, it won’t seem so bad.
Where to begin?
Oh yes, let’s start with the coffee table. That mother-badword coffee table.
it has quite literally been on its last leg for a long time. It came free with my Craigslist couch (now deemed the ‘pissy couch’), it was nice looking, it had a storage shelf on the bottom for random toys that the kids refused to put anywhere else; it just seemed like a good deal.
As time passed, this couch became less and less sturdy, to the point where if you even touched it, it would teeter dangerously back and forth, occasionally snapping off metal pieces from the screws on the inside that were holding the pieces (poorly) in place.
Like everything else, though, we held onto it because we are too cheap to replace it. I’d rather put food on the table or replace the socks Holden has so conveniently bitten holes through than get a new coffee table.
I don’t know what the fuck pushed this thing over the edge today, but randomly this morning, down it went with a loud snapping crash; pieces and metal flying all over the living room… and down with it went my laptop… which then refused to turn back on.
One may think that I would take a baseball bat to the stupid piece of shit (now literally a piece of shit) coffee table for breaking my beloved laptop, but NO. OHHHH no. That bitch laptop had been giving me shit for days. Refusing to start back up from hibernate and having to be restarted each and every single time, and then this morning, even the re-start didn’t do it. Instead it gave me a black screen and some stupid “Oops, can’t find your hard-drive, try again!” error, only no matter how many times I tried again as instructed to, the bitch wouldn’t start back up. I felt like I was playing the idiot game.
It was THEN that the table went down and knocked the last and final wind out of my laptop. Son. Of. A….
I’ve been wanting/needing/craving a new laptop for a long time. It’s not even that mine is bad, it’s that I AM BAD. I am cursed when it comes to electronics. Everything I buy gets great reviews, and somehow, when I touch it, everything goes to shit. 3 laptops since 2003? I can’t even count how many expensive cellphones that are the “best on the market” refuse to work once put into my hands. If I didn’t fucking know better, i’d say I got into some car accident with a truck carrying toxic waste and now have electromagnetic superpowers that kill all electronics in my general vicinity, but I know i’m not that cool.
Perhaps it would be possible to afford a new computer, maybe not “top of the line”, but new and NOT malfunctioning, but unfortunately my book isn’t doing as well in the market as i’d thought it would do. I didn’t have some pipe-dream of becoming a best-selling author overnight, but I definitely thought it would sell more than it has, and that has been a gigantic kick to the gut today as well.
If tomorrow is another “Monday”- I may honestly run away and join the circus. At least those ‘freaks’ will understand me. I can be “The Incredible Spazzing Woman”
@Julieannefiu I still sing WRAPPED UP LIKE A DOUCHE. I think they're lying about the "real" lyrics
I sang SO many embarrassingly wrong song lyrics with such confidence. pic.twitter.com/Ww5TaAxY3r
@AndreaPerez0217 Not that I'm biased, but I highly recommend ;) Hope you enjoy!
Parenthood: you think it's gonna be all hugs & booboo kisses, but it's really cooking food everyone hates & scraping boogers off of walls.
School system: Here! Have a half day on Friday the 13th! Me: pic.twitter.com/Dy18C8R3dD
Spooking the Kids Without Scarring them for LIFE With Netflix! (and a giveaway!) goo.gl/fb/tkeWgB
I've never felt more in tune with nature than while watching my 8yo barf in the front yard this morning like a wild animal. Such majesty.